Awwwwwwwwwww, We Got Married!!!

Yep, 4 years ago today, at 7:30pm at St. Thomas Episcopal Church, in Elizabethton, Tennessee, we got married!! Yay!

I'm Alive... But Not Kicking

Of course, it the Christmas season, so I'm STILL sick. Yes, STILL. I can't get rid of this shit. It's in my head, and glands. My neck hurts, I'm sore, and grumpy-- but still alive. Haven't even begun to look for a job. Luckily, I've got enough money to pay the bills next month, so I don't have to take the first thing that comes along (thank goodness). If I wasn't ready to shoot myself out of boredom, I wouldn't go back to work. *Hopefully* Chris will be back to work next month, and I'll finally have my *much needed* health insurance back once more, along with the comfortable income we need to live.

I promise I'll write more, soon-- but keep this nugget of joy in mind, on sunday, the 31st, Chris and I will have been married for 4 years!!! Awwwwwwwww, we got married!

Merry Christmas!

This was just what I needed. Last night, at Midnight Mass, my friend, Steven, came to worship with us. He's a dear friend, and one I love very much-- he left our church about 10 months ago due to some conflicting differences in the church. I miss him terribly. Having him at church with us last night, was the best Christmas gift I could've ever gotten. Being with Steven, and all of my friends and family, I was reminded, that everything I've lost this year, didn't matter. What matters is what I've got now. The true spirit of Christmas was shown last night. Thank you, Jesus for everything.

Merry Christmas!

God Bless You, Laci and Conner...

On a day that should be so joyous, 4 years ago today, Laci Denise Peterson, and her unborn son, Conner were savagely murdered at the hands of her husband, Scott. Please take a moment to remember Laci, Conner, and those they left behind. May God Bless them.

Can I POSSIBLY Suck Anymore Than I Already Do?

I lost my job today. The job I LOVED-- the job that brought life back to me, made me feel desirable, and worthwhile again- gone in the blink of an eye. No warning, no nothing. My contract ended today with the temp agency, and ACT "couldn't" hire me because of attendance problems. I've missed 3 friggin' days- 3. I came to work when I was damn near dead- when I couldn't talk, and felt like I'd been hit by a ton of bricks, I was there. I was dedicated to that damn job. I ate, slept, and breathed ACT, and I have NOTHING to show for it- nothing.

Diane told me at 10 minutes til 5 today. Yes, I worked the whole damn day, when in reality, she could've saved me the embarrassment of having to pack my shit and leave at the end of the day. This hurts more than losing a loved one. I am grieving beyond belief. I can't believe this is happening. My husband has no job. I have no job. I didn't even get to tell my friends good-bye- I wasn't strong enough. PC and TM, I'll never see them again. I'll never get the chance to tell PC that I never meant to make him uncomfortable, but he did mean a lot to me. He was someone who made me feel so good about myself, and brought back the life I knew I had in me. I'll never get to thank him for that. I'll never get the chance to do the things I needed to do there, and say the things that needed to be said to those I love. It's over. Merry Christmas to me.

A Complete Metamorphosis...

It's about damn time, isn't it? I've been through so much this year, it's not a wonder I've acted the way I have. I've gone from saint to sinner in approximately 2.2 seconds. I lost the security and comfort of the lifestyle I had grown to love, and gained my self-esteem and self-respect back. For so long, because I wasn't working, I thought I had no right to complain to my husband about the way I had been treated. I thought, he's the one bringing in the money, he should have things his way-- which in turn, made me a doormat. ANYONE who knows me, knows I never have, and never again, will be a doormat.

When I got my job at ACT, I went WILD. I finally had a place where I could be myself, and the men were plentiful. I have lost tons of weight, and for the first time in years, honestly feel good. I feel like a worth-while human once again. Flirting comes naturally for me-- it always has. I love to get attention. I'll admit it, I'm an attention-whore. I want people to want me. I want to be desired. Rejection. I can't stand it. I don't deal with it well. I don't like being told no, nor do I like being pushed aside. For the first two months at work, I charmed everyone around me. I LOVED being showered with attention. The more people would flirt with me, the more power I had-- and I LOVE power.

Finally, today, it hit me. I'm not only hurting myself, but others. PC, for example. He's acted differently around me, and it's crushed me. I WANTED to be the one he desired. No, I didn't want to have an affair with him, that was NEVER my intention. My intention was to have him want me, but never do anything about it. That's so completely silly, and immature. Because I found him attractive, I wanted him to find me equally attractive. Now, I'm pretty sure he thinks I'm the biggest dumbass in the whole world. I sent a very nice e-mail to him today at work. I explained to him that I enjoyed joking and "kidding around" with people, and that I apologize if I've ever done anything to make him feel uncomfortable. That's the last thing I would ever want. I don't want anyone to feel uncomfortable around me. That's the end of it. The ball is in his court now. Whether or not he ever speaks to me again, it's his situation to deal with..

I just feel so foolish. The last thing I want is for PC to think badly of me. It hurts me to think that maybe I've "thrown" myself at him, and he's rejecting me. I know it's a personal "ego trip". I just don't know if I can even look him in the eye on monday. I know I have to, but I don't know how. I know it's my problem, I just pray he'll forgive me, and be able to work with me. Hell, for all I know, that e-mail might've blindsided him-- he might not even have a clue what I'm talking about-- at least I feel better.

Thanks for listening to my guilt rant...

What's Up With Blogger?

I've tried to comment on some of my friend's blogs (who have switched to beta) and for some reason, it won't let me? Anyone else having problems?

Look What You've Done...

Today, it finally hit me, what I complete dumbass I've been. I've THROWN myself at any man I thought looked good, just because I finally feel good about myself. I couldn't tell you what finally opened my eyes, but I feel like such a fool. I feel so stupid, and to make matters worse, I feel like everyone knows... and they're laughing at me. I feel as if I've made a person I consider to be a friend, uncomfortable. He hasn't exactly acted differently around me, maybe it's just me, because I know, but I feel terrible. I hate even facing him at work now. I tried to talk to him as little as possible at work today, and will probably continue to do so, without making it obvious. I'm such a fool.


Take my photo off the wall
If it just won't sing for you
'Cause all that's left has gone away
And there's nothing there for you to prove

Oh, look what you've done
You've made a fool of everyone
Oh well, it seems likes such fun
Until you lose what you had won

Give me back my point of view
'Cause I just can't think for you
I can hardly hear you say
What should I do, well you choose

Oh, look what you've done
You've made a fool of everyone
Oh well, it seems likes such fun
Until you lose what you had won

Oh, look what you've done
You've made a fool of everyone
A fool of everyone
A fool of everyone

Take my photo off the wall
If it just won't sing for you
'Cause all that's left has gone away
And there's nothing there for you to do

Oh, look what you've done
You've made a fool of everyone
Oh well, it seems likes such fun
Until you lose what you had won

Oh, look what you've done
You've made a fool of everyone
A fool of everyone
A fool of everyone

Damn Flu-Season!!!

I've been bitten HARD by that nasty flu bug!!! It hit hard and fast, but *thank GOD* it hasn't been as bad as it was back in February. I've felt like death warmed over for the past few days-- I still can't speak, but am hanging in there. I haven't forgotten about ya'll. I just haven't felt like doing anything other than laying on the couch. I promise I'll make my rounds again very soon! *hugs and love*

Happy Birthday Caleb!

Six years ago, December 1st, Caleb Dalton Lewis arrived in the world at 6:23pm. He's my first Godson, and so dear to my heart. Here are some of the pictures from his birthday party on saturday. I Love You, Caleb!

Fifteen Years Ago Today...

In light of my recent trashiness, I felt a nice story was in order- and it just happened to be an anniversary of something. Of course, I have a story for nearly any and everything you can imagine. November 29th, 1991, I had one of the biggest crushes of my life. I fell, and fell HARD for Duff McKagan. For those of you who aren't familiar with Duff, he was the bassist for Guns N'Roses. I was only 13 years old, but I really thought I was going to marry him. I just knew I would be with this man, no matter what. I had made plans to move to Los Angeles when I turned 18, and I was changing my name to Sabrina Stevenson (don't ask me what possessed me to think that was a good idea, but I did).

I had high hopes and aspirations. Needless to say, I didn't go to Los Angeles at age 18, my name is Christy Rach, and not Sabrina Stevenson, and my husband is Chris, and not Duff. Obviously, things turned out ok. I still enjoy the memories of my youth, and the fun I had with my crush.

Share With Me!!!

Ok, as you all know, I've been trashy lately. I admit it. It's just me. I felt kinda bad after my last post- no, not for lusting and flirting, but for referring to these men as if they were pons, and that I would "use" them. I would never use anyone, I don't know what the hell is wrong with me. PC is such an awesome person. He's got the best personality, and most beautiful smile. If I weren't a married woman and he wasn't a married man, I'd be after him in a heartbeat. Who am I kidding, I'd already be dating him. He's the ideal man, but alas, we're both married- and not to each other.

Then you have TM. That man ROCKS MY WORLD! He's SO smooth, and sexy. He drives a kick ass car, and has it going on in EVERY aspect. He's slightly cocky, as to where PC is not. Once again, TM is married as well, although, I suspect he's not exactly faithful. Everyone at work knows I think he's fine as hell, but they all know I would never do anything other than flirt with him. Like my best friend, and fellow Monger says, "If you're on a diet, it's ok to look at the menu"- and look at the menu I am!

These men truly are good people, especially PC, I would never want anyone to think I'd ever use him, or TM, even if they do make me feel really good about myself.

For those of you who are wondering- I'm going through a midlife crisis at age 28. I'm telling you, it's the truth. Does my husband know this, no, of course not. What he doesn't know, won't hurt him, especially if it makes our marriage stronger in the end.

I'm SO Relieved...

To find out- that I'm just a slut! Now, I KNOW half of you are just gasping at such words, thinking, "why on earth would someone be proud of being a slut?" Well, the answer is very simple. It means I'm not as unhappy as I thought I was. Ok, are you more confused now? Since I've been working at ACT, I've been EXTREMELY attracted to, two men. One of which I see daily, the other once a month. The one I see once a month, we'll call, TM, is the CIO of the company- and VERY smooth. The way he looks at a woman could make her melt instantly. The other, we'll call PC, I've finally figured out WHY I want so badly, because he doesn't fall at my feet like some of the other men do.

Now, I don't mean to infer that every man at ACT is just falling all over himself to get to me, that's not the case at all. There are several that flirt with me, and I know find me attractive, but PC, he's very shy, very coy- and it makes me want his attention all the more. The desire to have PC desire me has become even stronger seeing him daily. I do little things so that I'll be able to speak to him, or so he'll have to speak to me. I make sure that I look flawless, and that the scent of Victoria's Secret Dream Angels Halo is filling the air every day when he walks in. Don't ask me why the desire for this man to find me desirable is so strong. I don't want to have an affair with him, I just want to know that he desires me.

My dear mother opened my eyes today, and enlightened me. It's all a game to me. A game, and I play to win. When I want something, I stop at NOTHING until it's mine. I've always been that way at every aspect in my life, especially with men. I always want them, until I get them- then I get bored. I enjoy the hunt- the thrill of the chase is what keeps me going, and why I've been through more men than I've ever known what to do with. I thought this desire or drive would stop when I got married- that it would automatically go away. Wrong. Just like a leopard can't change his spots, a slut can't change her drive. I can't change what drives me, what excites me- what makes me, me.

I was so downhearted, thinking I wasn't in love with my husband, blah, blah, blah- because I was comparing him to PC. In reality, PC is very different from my husband, yet, very similar. I know now, I'm really not looking at PC as a potential mate, someone to just go out and dump my husband for, but as a pon. The next conquest in my game of desire. I'll move on soon enough, but for now, I'm enjoying feeling like I'm 16 again. Having those feelings of euphoria rush through my veins when he walks in, in the morning gives me something to look forward to- and helping to hold me over while things are a little rougher on the homefront.

Thanks for listening to the slut's rant. Just call me Blanche Devereux...

Interesting...

Happy Thanksgiving!

I wanted to take a moment to wish all of my friends a Happy and SAFE Thanksgiving! May it be a good one!

Randomness for the Weekend...

I've had so much going on lately, that I've not been able to blog the way I would like to-- I've made excuse after excuse, and I PROMISE to be a better blogger with actual posts! For the weekend, I'm summarizing everything up into one big random post. Here's to hoping this week slows down enough for me to get back to "blogging as usual!"

-- Our big investigation from this weekend cancelled at the last minute- stating she had to work. Yet, when we drove by her home, every light in the house was on, and there were two cars parked in front of it. Hmmmmmm....

-- Work has been hetic, as usual. All of HR officially moved on friday. It was so quiet in my office, that it was almost scary. I miss everyone. All of my friends, Robin, Kelly, and Jim, are now down there, and I miss them! :0(

-- As for the "un-named gentleman in question", in the previous post. All is well. Apparently, he's just a very shy person who finally came out of his shell friday. No affair is taking place-- just for those of you who might be wondering. (Ya'll should know me better than that anyway!)

-- Thank goodness for Thanksgiving this week! A four day week for me! Yay!

-- At some point in time this week, I have to get with the kids from the church to finish the decorations for our tree at Sycamore Shoals. I was a bad youth leader, by keeping myself in bed today instead of going to church :0(.

-- Is this time change getting to anyone else? I've found myself more "blue" as the days get shorter and shorter.

-- My poor hermit crabs, they're finally getting their bath. I know they're happy. It's been two weeks since their last bath.

-- Last but CERTAINLY not least- it's my best friend's birthday!!! HAPPY BIRTHDAY MONGOOSE!!! I Love Ya!!!

My Own Personal Insanity...

Those of you who have come to know me, know I'm not right. Nope, not one bit. My job has been nothing but hectic. The plethora of idiots that call me on a daily basis never ceases to amaze me, although, it's getting better. Ok, that's it for my rant.

Now, onto the insanity. For those of you who know me, you know I love to flirt. I flirt with anyone and everyone. I love making people feel good about themselves, and feel good in general. Is there a point where you can take it too far? Or are there people who just don't understand flirting to begin with?

For example, there is a certain gentleman, who shall remain nameless, that is extremely nervous around me. He's in his 40's, and married as well. He rarely speaks, and won't look me in the eye, unless he's "not close" to me, or if I'm speaking directly to him. Although, if he's walking by, and I see him, he's looking right at me. He just seems very nervous/uncomfortable around me, and I'm not sure why? Granted, I find this man EXTREMELY attractive, but I would NEVER do anything about this. I don't want to make him feel uncomfortable, and am not really sure if I am or not? I've never run into this type of problem before? Any thoughts or opinions on this situation would be most appreciated!

I Borried This From Susie

There's that FINE Southern word again, borried. I borried this cute lil' quiz from Susie. Feel free to borrie it from me as well!

1. Explain what ended your last relationship?


We don't have all day.



2. When was the last time you shaved?


Last night, I was tired of being furry.



3. What were you doing this morning at 8 a.m.?

Saying, "Good morning, thank you for calling ACT, this is Christy, how can I help you?"



4. What were you doing 15 minutes ago?


Reading Thomas' blog.



5. Do you have any famous ancestors?


Of course! I'm related to a Confederate General!



6. Have you had to take a loan out for school?


Uh- that would require me GOING to school.



7. Do you know the words to the song on your myspace profile?


Of course! All five songs!



8. Last thing received in the mail?


My Belk bill.



9. Do you ever leave messages on peoples answering machines?


Of course! I want them to know I called!



10. Who did you lose your CONCERT virginity to?


Michael Jackson, in 1983



11. Do you draw your name in the sand when you go to the beach?


I sure do!



12. What was the most painful dental procedure you have had?


I had my wisdom teeth removed, and the bone scraped to help my TMJ. I ended up sore as hell with a dry socket! Ugh!



13. What is out your back door?


Not much. Some grass, a hill, you know, typical "land" things.



14. Do you like what the ocean does to your hair?


Nope, But I LIKE the ocean- period.



15. Do you re-use towels after you shower?


Well, yes. Doesn't everybody? I mean, when you get out of the shower, you're CLEAN.



16. Some things you are excited about?


Not having to deal with applications and interviews anymore at work! Although, I've grown really attached to some people in HR, and will miss them terribly.




17. What is your favorite flavor of JELLO?


Cherry



18. Describe your keychain(s)?


Ok, you're gonna love this. I have a "Mad Cow", that moo's and laughs hysterically when you push his belly. A "Happy Bunny" flipping the bird, and another "Happy Bunny" that says, "Cute but psycho, things even out", along with all of my keys.



19. Where do you keep your change?


In my wallet.




20. What kind of winter coat do you own?


Me, the self-proclaimed polar bear, wear a coat? You MUST be kidding!




21. Do you sleep with the door to your room open or closed?


Closed :0(. Morris likes to sleep with us, and after my husband woke up unable to breathe, thinking he was having a heartattack- and well, it was Morris asleep on his chest. Yeah, Morris has been banned unless Chris isn't sleeping at the same time I am.

Ok, I'm A Bad Blogger...

It's been what, like 4 days since I posted? Yeah, I know, I suck. Work has been getting to me! I LOVE my job, but I had NO idea what all Kelly did. It's about time they got a secretary, and an extra person to do applications and hiring. It's absolutely overwhelming trying to do it all, and Kelly has been on the front with me all week long! I'm really sad, she's going to be leaving, along with Robin, and Jim, which are all of my friends. First, I left my friends on nightshift to come to dayshift. Ok, I still see them some, but I made some new friends. Now, the new friends I've made, are moving down to the lower building- leaving Christy all alone :0(.

Oh, on a funny note- I mentioned I was enjoying flirting with all of the "older men in power"- I didn't realize one that had been really checking me out- and extra nice to me- was the CIO of the entire company! I was cracking up! Don't get me wrong, that man is FINE- and if I was a single woman, I'd be ALL about him, but since I'm married, I'll just smile, bat my eyes, and go on with my life!

I've got a busy weekend ahead of me. Tomorrow night, after work, I'm meeting 3 potential members for our paranormal group, and then, on saturday, we've got an investigation planned. I'm hoping for a nap sometime sunday after church! Take care guys, I'm gonna try to make my blog rounds tonight, and on what spare time I have this weekend. I love ya'll!

My, Oh, My!!!

I have been BUSY!!! This is going to end up being a very random post! YAY! Give it up for random!!!

- On Halloween, I had an on-air interview with our local radio station Electric 94.9, you can find the audio HERE.

- I'm ready to kill my friend, Kelly, at work! She told her boss I thought he looked like he's 60, and he's only 45! Don't get me wrong, he's a VERY nice looking man- but I was ready to die! Apparently, he got a kick out of it!

- My job is hetic, but going great! I love being up front and getting to talk to all of the people. Although, my feelings are hurt that I'm never invited out to the "parties at the graveyard".

- Ok, now, I know you want to know about the graveyard. Yes, there really is a graveyard in the front of our business. There were three graves that were not moved when our building was built. They were the only three buried there, and there's a nice brick wall and plants built around it. That's where all the men go to talk and smoke.

- Sautrday night was too much fun. Julie, a girl from our church, was going to a military ball with her boyfriend. She asked me if I'd do her makeup. I ended up having to do her hair as well. Bless her heart, she came back from her hair appointment looking like a "bun person." You know, the old women who wear their hair in a bun ALL the time, and it's not been cut in years- yeah, you know what I'm saying. Here's the proof:




Over the next couple of days, I'll be catching up on all of your blogs! Much love!