I'm SO Relieved...

To find out- that I'm just a slut! Now, I KNOW half of you are just gasping at such words, thinking, "why on earth would someone be proud of being a slut?" Well, the answer is very simple. It means I'm not as unhappy as I thought I was. Ok, are you more confused now? Since I've been working at ACT, I've been EXTREMELY attracted to, two men. One of which I see daily, the other once a month. The one I see once a month, we'll call, TM, is the CIO of the company- and VERY smooth. The way he looks at a woman could make her melt instantly. The other, we'll call PC, I've finally figured out WHY I want so badly, because he doesn't fall at my feet like some of the other men do.

Now, I don't mean to infer that every man at ACT is just falling all over himself to get to me, that's not the case at all. There are several that flirt with me, and I know find me attractive, but PC, he's very shy, very coy- and it makes me want his attention all the more. The desire to have PC desire me has become even stronger seeing him daily. I do little things so that I'll be able to speak to him, or so he'll have to speak to me. I make sure that I look flawless, and that the scent of Victoria's Secret Dream Angels Halo is filling the air every day when he walks in. Don't ask me why the desire for this man to find me desirable is so strong. I don't want to have an affair with him, I just want to know that he desires me.

My dear mother opened my eyes today, and enlightened me. It's all a game to me. A game, and I play to win. When I want something, I stop at NOTHING until it's mine. I've always been that way at every aspect in my life, especially with men. I always want them, until I get them- then I get bored. I enjoy the hunt- the thrill of the chase is what keeps me going, and why I've been through more men than I've ever known what to do with. I thought this desire or drive would stop when I got married- that it would automatically go away. Wrong. Just like a leopard can't change his spots, a slut can't change her drive. I can't change what drives me, what excites me- what makes me, me.

I was so downhearted, thinking I wasn't in love with my husband, blah, blah, blah- because I was comparing him to PC. In reality, PC is very different from my husband, yet, very similar. I know now, I'm really not looking at PC as a potential mate, someone to just go out and dump my husband for, but as a pon. The next conquest in my game of desire. I'll move on soon enough, but for now, I'm enjoying feeling like I'm 16 again. Having those feelings of euphoria rush through my veins when he walks in, in the morning gives me something to look forward to- and helping to hold me over while things are a little rougher on the homefront.

Thanks for listening to the slut's rant. Just call me Blanche Devereux...