Speaking Of Love And Memories...

Today, I went to visit my best friend, Jen (AKA: Monger), and my Godsons, Caleb and Luke. It was wonderful getting to spend time with them. I don't see them as often as I should, and I feel bad about that. I need to do better. As I was on my way home, I began reflecting once again. I was thinking about Phil (surprise, surprise), and how I felt about him. That started a whirlwind of thoughts swirling around in my head.

I've always heard people say, "Just because someone doesn't love you the way you want, doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have." Well, that phrase has pissed me off for years. You know, honestly, who doesn't hate to hear that? Especially, if you're on the end where you're not being loved the way you want to be? Let's be honest. I know I've been ticked off time and time again when I REALLY liked someone, that didn't (or I thought didn't) feel the same way.

As I drove, many people flashed into my mind. Marc, Bobbie, Jeff, Jeremiah, Doug, Greg, Ryan, Brad, Josh, and Phil-- damn, the list could go on for years. All of the people I've mentioned, meant a great deal to me at one point or another in my life. All of which, I either had a relationship with, or wanted to have a relationship with. What all of the names have in common, is the fact that it didn't work out. Some came to me years later, admitting they liked me back then, but things just weren't right. Some admitted that the situation just wasn't right. Others, I have no clue about. I have no clue as to how they really feel or felt.

For years, it would eat at me, wondering what I did wrong? Why didn't these people like me the way I liked them? I mean, I was smart, attractive, and friendly. I had a good personality, and was a good person. I had a lot to offer. So, why couldn't they see that? Well, it took me 28 years to figure out, they knew that already. It wasn't that they couldn't see that. These men aren't/weren't stupid. It's just that for whatever reason, it just wasn't right. There's a reason for that. I can name at least 3 of the men listed above, that I would be absolutely miserable if I had ended up with them. Is it because they're bad people? No. It's because we're complete opposites. We make GREAT friends, but would be horrible lovers, or vice versa.

I can remember each of these men (with the exception of Phil), wondering why things went wrong. I can remember being so upset that someone didn't like me, or that our relationship didn't work out. Looking back, I'm so thankful that it didn't work out. I wouldn't be where I am today. On the same note, if these people hadn't touched my life in one way or another, I wouldn't be the person I am today, either. So, thank you, to all the men who didn't love me, didn't love me the way I wanted you to, or loved me with all you had, but it just wasn't enough for me. Thank you for making me the person I am today. I really like myself, and I wouldn't be who I am, without you!