Kiss The Rain...

(If you're a newbie- first Welcome! Second, before reading this post, please read, "Nine Years Ago Today", and "Building A Mystery" before reading this post- it will make a lot more sense. Everything in these post are TRUE. As absolutely nuts as they are, they are 100% factual. (I've had a few people asking me if they were fiction or not. I only WISH they were ;0) Enjoy!)

After all I had been through the night before, I had no idea what was to come. Of course, when I was working alone, he would make his way into my store. Today, he decided to say something that would cut deeper than any knife. He sat down, and told me there was someone he really hated. He hated them, because he could love them. Well, my heart was racing, I KNEW it was me he was talking about. (Hindsight is 20/20, I should've trusted my instincts). I was, obviously, confused to say the least, but I couldn't even begin to prepare for what I heard next. His answer FLOORED me. He confessed to me that he "hated" Ashleigh, one of my co-workers. My face completely dropped. How? Why? I was so hurt, so confused. I had to try to keep my composure, although I was ready to burst into tears.

When I finally got myself together, he asked me what he should do. I told him that he needed to follow his heart, and if she was who he wanted to be with, that he needed to do what he felt was right, but he shouldn't hate anyone. That made him REALLY angry. He kept pushing me to try to TELL him what to do. I don't know if he wanted me to get mad and blow up because he said her, and not me, to this day I don't know. All I know, is after that day, it took years to get "back to good."

We began to grow further apart. He began saying off the wall derranged things to me. There was even a point where I truly feared for my life. I thought he was certifiable nuts. On Halloween, I came to mall to take my boss' grandson trick or treating through the mall. Preston loved to go to the tilt to play games. I took him over there, unbeknownst to me, Ryan was working. It wasn't long after the movie Scream came out, and he KNEW it terrified me. I was watching Preston play a game, when he came up to me, in a scream costume, with a REAL knife. I grabbed Preston and got out of there. This was DURING BUSINESS HOURS, there were MANY people around who saw this. I'm sure they thought it was a fake knife, but unfortunately, it wasn't.

After that, I became terrified of Ryan. Deep in my heart, I still cared for him, but at the same time, I wasn't going to put myself in danger. He became really distant, and I began to fear him less and less. When the fear began to fade, once more, he HAD to shock me. He began seeing this, well, how can I put it nicely, less than attractive woman who worked for an Alltel booth in the mall. He would constantly hold hands with her, and kiss her in the Tilt while looking over at me. It cut like a knife. I HATED her with every fiber of my being. That was MY man, psycho or not, he cared about me, I knew it, and I cared about him.

Dysfunctional doesn't even begin to tell the story here. I went through months of giving Angela dirty looks, and cussing Ryan every chance I got. I remember one night I was leaving, and he yelled at me through his gate. I can't remember exactly what I said to him, but I know it wasn't nice. This, I'll never forget. He looked at me and said, "We fight like we're married," to which I replied, "I'd never marry you Ryan Leonard!" And stomped out of the mall. I was so confused. I went from loving, to fearing, to loving this man, all within a matter of a month and a half. I had never felt so close to someone in such a short period of time, only to end up fearing them.

As I was walking out that night, he hurried up and followed me, even though I was hoofing it to my POS. He called out to me, "look," and pointed up at the stars. Why didn't he just push that knife a little deeper in my heart and finish me off. Thank God for my quick wit, because it hurt thinking about how happy I was that night we spent looking at the stars. I looked up, and then looked to him and said, "I see it Ryan, it's headed just as far away from me as you are." I turned away, and got in my car.

For weeks after, Ryan and Angela would just torture me. She had to be pretty sick to actually put up with the display Ryan put her on. I mean, if I had been used like that by a man, I would've been pretty pissed, but then again, I do actually have self-esteem, but I digress. I don't know what changed inside of me, but I decided to let it go. I began totally ignoring Ryan. I didn't look into the Tilt anymore. If I caught a glance of Ryan and Angela out of the side of my eye, I would go into the stockroom, or somewhere out of sight. I was tired of the childish games. I was ready to get on with my life.

The final step was telling Ryan I was letting go. I called him at home, and of course Angela was there. I told him that I was truly sorry for all I had put him and Angela through, and I wished him nothing but the best. I wouldn't be bothering them anymore. Of course, Angela had to add her two cents in, by screaming out, "He hates you, hang up", to which he replied to her, "shut up." He thanked me for calling, and within a week, they were broken up.

(Oh yes, there's more to this story, we're only in the year 1997, we have up until 1999, so tune in tomorrow for more of the most dysfunctional love story you'll ever read! I promise, something good does come of it- it just takes awhile to get there...)