As I'm sure you can see, my hand isn't raised. Why you ask? I mean, everyone knows that love is romance, sex and all that jazz, right? Wrong. As you women, we're exposed to these images, telling us that this is what love is supposed to be like. We're supposed to find that someone who will roll on the beach with us, hold hands, and make us feel like Cinderella every day of our lives, when in reality, that doesn't happen.
Sure, in the beginning of a relationship, typically, men will go out of their way to make you feel special and shower you with gifts, affection, and whatever they can to make sure they keep you. Once you're past the "wooing" stage, the "Cinderella" dream goes out the window, and even more so once you get married-- and then you look around and think, "what the hell happened?" "It wasn't supposed to be this way!" When, in reality, it is. The cold hard reality of life is, that romance doesn't last forever. Passion doesn't last forever. Love does.
You have to work to keep passion and romance in a relationship. It doesn't just keep on keeping on because you've been together for 10, 20, or 50 years. You have to make it happen. Your husband or boyfriend probably won't come home with roses for no reason forever. He probably won't shower you with lavish gifts and affection, just because. It doesn't mean he doesn't love you, it just means that he's comfortable with you-- he doesn't have anything to prove anymore.
Love changes. It's constantly changing. Love is taking out the garbage, going to get you something to eat when you don't want to leave the house, sitting up with your sick cat, or just listening to you when you need to "get it out." There's so much more to love than just passion. After all, when you're not in bed, you'd damn well better have something to talk about, because if you don't, you don't have much of anything.
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25 comments:
oh yeah.....this kinda of thing happened the first few years, before kids and the same ole same ole set in.
it was nice, now it is nearly non-existent. Very rare does this happen anymore. Marriage is SO overrated.
I am such a whiner, it is just as much as my fault as it is my husbands.....he IS a good listener tho.
hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm....I agree about love but damn that other stuff is fun!
I actually do feel like Cinderella everyday, Hmmmm, I wonder why? =)
I understand where you are coming from. I think it's in our nature to grow tired of the same old thing. As humans we are natural adventurous beings. We grow tired of things, places, people after awhile. I guess the trick is to find things we love to do together and also find things to do apart. It keeps things exciting. Also, never lose sight of being friends. I think once a couple gets married we end up treating them like the dog-poo on our shoe. We know we would never treat one of our girlfriends that way, so in a nut-shell, always respect one another.
As far as the romance goes...well..keep it romantic. What works for one couple, won't work for the next. I mean I am not into the chains and wax, but that doesn't mean Tom and Jane next door don't thrive off of it. Every couple is different, every love is different, we shouldn't treat every relationship the same or compare them.
I enjoyed your post sweetie!! I hope you are having a great weekend!
Love. Hmmm... Love. My thoughts and feelings on that is certainly worthly of a few blog entries. Thanks for sharing your viewpoint...I have to be honest. I'm a bit soured on 'love' right now.
Absolutely. I don't know what it's like to be married yet, but I've been in the "comfort" stage enough times to know what you mean. Funny, right now we are sitting next to each other on the couch. The tv is on, neither of us is watching it, I am on my laptop and he is reading a book, and rubbing my back with his free hand.
I kinda like the comfort stage.
I also really like the flowers and grand gestures and feeling like the only woman in the world too, though. :)
DAMN IT I wanna be Cinderella.
Oprah said it...romance has messed us up.
Love is more than that.
-N
After a month's break I so enjoyed your post. Time restraints make it impossible for me to scroll back over the posts I have missed but I hope to jump back in and carry on from here with regularity again. I think that staying in touch with your own passion for life and the beauty you know is inside you goes a long way to holding your partner's interest and similar thoughts about you. I do agree fully that once you come up for air, you sure need a whole helluva lot to talk about because it is in that arena where the manifestations of your love for each other appear.
The biggest trick to maintaining at least some level of that spark is to be interesting by maintaining your own interests and and never ever be a doormat.
Love is not over rated. It's the best there is.
Just remember, it's the acceptance and love of self that allows you to let others in. :)
Amen sister!!
I have learned that sex and passion and romance can definitely stay in a marriage years later (we're coming up on 12 years in May!), but it is less frequent for sure. With kids and work and activities, there's just no way that you can "do it" as muchas you did in the beginning.The KEY is for both of you to understand that and to make the alone time that you do have very special. Treat it like a treat !! And then to still hold hands, talk about "deep"things, buy cards for each other for no reason--all those things that you can still do outside the bedroom!
I feel you on all points on this one.
Love is having a best friend that is always there, even if it is just for the mundane things like taking out the trash or cleaning. But there will always be bursts of passion if the love is strong. At least that is my experience.
Amen sista..
this is the very reaosn I can not stomach romaanitc comedies..I HATE THEM..I always say they show a side of a relatioship that lasts all of 6 months..your life is never going to end up like a romatic comedy. Richard Gere isnt going to come to your place of employment and carry u out..Richard gere isnt going to fall in love with u after he hired u for his whore..
it dont happen..
amen girl.
Well I still want the fairytale know matter how chessy it seems might be why I am 24 and single. L
OL!
I have always HATED romantic comedies and fairy tales, because we are taught to expect "happily ever after" and never taught just how much work it takes to make that happen. Funny, you never see in the movies the moments where your noses bump the first time you kiss or just how strange that first time with a new partner can be. A friend of mine who writes sex education curricula reminds parents that "by the time our children are 16 they are going to have seen on tv and in the movies more great sex than any of us are going to have in our lifetimes."
I'm all for passion (and after almost seven years of celibacy, would love to try some!), but love is the man who gets out of bed at 2:00 in the morning to deal with the screaming child so you can sleep, who cares about how your mammogram turns out and thinks you are beautiful without your make-up on. And I SURE do miss having that!
I've heard that boyfriends (and Husbands) have been compared to the family dog... (Hmmm they may be on to something here?!) ~ jb///
GREAT post...I couldn't agree more! :)
Some people feel that the word "content" is bad. But a long-term relationship IS work. If you don't work at it---or better yet----nurture it, it will die---just as a flower would. If you don't nurture anything you care about, it won't stay with you forever.
But then again...people change. ;)
I agree, love is taking out the trash or doing the dishes!
So many people think SEX IS LOVE.
You can LOVE SEX.
Great post. I think love goes through stages..
Love is over rated...no two people work the same to keep passion and respect in a marriage.
when love is right it is the most beautiful thing in the world
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