Southerness...

Only a Southerner knows the difference between a hissie fit and a
conniption fit, and that you don't "HAVE" them, you "PITCH"
them.
_____

Only a Southerner knows how many fish, collard greens, turnip
greens, peas, beans, etc., make up "a mess."
_____

Only a Southerner can show or point out to you the general
direction of "yonder."
_____

Only a Southerner knows exactly how long "directly" is, ... as in:
"Going to town, be back directly."
_____

Even Southern babies know that "Gimme some sugar" is not a
request for the white, granular sweet substance that sits in a pretty
little bowl in the middle of the table.
_____

All Southerners know exactly when "by and by" is. They might not
use the term, but they know the concept well.
_____

Only a Southerner knows instinctively that the best gesture of
solace for a neighbor who's got trouble is a plate of hot fried chicken
and a big bowl of cold potato salad. If the neighbor's trouble is a
real crisis, they also know to add a large banana puddin!
_____

Only Southerners grow up knowing the difference between "right
near" and "a right far piece." They also know that "just down the road"
can be 1 mile or 20.
_____

Only a Southerner, both knows and understands, the difference
between a redneck, a good ol' boy, and po' white trash.
_____

No true Southerner would ever assume that the car with the
flashing turn signal is actually going to make a turn.
_____

A Southerner knows that "fixin" can be used as a noun, a verb,
or an adverb.
_____

Only Southerners make friends while standing in lines, ... and
when we're "in line," .... we talk to everybody!
_____

Put 100 Southerners in a room and half of them will discover
they're related, even if only by marriage.
_____

Southerners know grits come from corn and how to eat them.
_____

Every Southerner knows tomatoes with eggs, bacon, grits, and
coffee are perfectly wonderful; that red eye gravy is also a breakfast
food; and that fried green tomatoes are not a breakfast food.
_____

When you hear someone say, "Well, I caught myself lookin'," you
know you are in the presence of a genuine Southerner!
_____

Only true Southerners say "sweet tea" and "sweet milk." Sweet
tea indicates the need for sugar and lots of it -- we do not like
our tea unsweetened. "Sweet milk" means you don't want buttermilk.
_____

And a true Southerner knows you don't scream obscenities at
little old ladies who drive 30 MPH on the freeway. You just say,"Bless
her heart" and go your own way.
_____

To those of you who are still a little embarrassed by your
Southernness: Take two tent revivals and a dose of sausage gravy and
call me in the morning. Bless your heart!
_____

And to those of you who are still having a hard time
understanding all this Southern stuff, ... bless your hearts, I hear
they are fixin' to have classes on Southernness as a second language!
_____

And for those that are not from the South but have lived here for a
long time, all y'all need a sign to hang on y'alls front porch that
reads "I ain't from the South, but I got here as fast as I could! "
____

SOUTHERN WOMEN

Southern women appreciate their natural assets:
Clean skin.
A winning smile.
That unforgettable Southern drawl.

Southern women know their manners:
"Yes, ma'am."
"Yes, sir."
"Why , no, Billy!"

Southern women have a distinct way with fond expressions :
"Y'all come back!"
"Well, bless your heart."
"Drop by when you can."
"How's your Momma?"


Southern women know their summer weather report:
Humidity
Humidity
Humidity

Southern women know their vacation spots:
The beach
The beach
The beach

Southern women know the joys of June, July, and August:
Colorful hi-heel sandals
Strapless sun dresses
Iced sweet tea with mint

Southern women know everybody's first name:
Honey
Darlin'
Shugah

Southern women know the movies that speak to their hearts:
Fried Green Tomatoes
Driving Miss Daisy
Steel Magnolias
Gone With The Wind
The Notebook

Southern women know their religions:
Baptist
Methodist
Football

Southern women know their country breakfasts:
Red-eye gravy
Grits
Eggs
Country ham
Mouth-watering home made biscuits with momma's homemade jelly

Southern women know their cities dripping with Southern charm:
Chawl'stn,
S'vanah
Foat Wuth
N'awlins
Addlanna

Southern women know their elegant gentlemen:
Men in uniform.
Men in tuxedos
Rhett Butler, of course!

Southern girls know their prime real estate:
The Mall
The Country Club
The Beauty Salon

Southern girls know the four deadly sins:
Having bad hair and nails
Having bad manners
Cooking bad food
Wearing too much makeup in the summer

Southern girls know men may come and go, but friends are fahevah!

Now...... Shugah, spread this to some girls who were raised in the
South or wish they had been!

If you're a Northern transplant:
Bless your little heart--fake it. We know you got here as fast
as you could!!!