A Blast From The Past...

I got a call from my best friend, Jenni-Monger, (as you'll notice, I have tons of names for her.) She had reconnected with an old flame from high school. It brought back SOOOOOO many memories! I was totally in love with this guy named Josh (see past post for details), and she was totally in love with Billy. They were both Army men, and older than us (go figure). Jen ended up dating Billy, and things went pretty good for awhile. Being young, she heard some rumors, got scared, and broke up with him. Unfortunately, she lied, telling him she cheated on him with three different guys, when in reality, she never cheated on him at all.

Even after ten years, he was totally pissed when she confessed to him that she had lied. I mean, at 16, 17, 18, even 21, we think we've got it all figured out. We KNOW we have all of the answers. It's not until you hit about 25, that you realize that you don't even have a clue. I just turned 28 and I'm still trying to figure out what the hell is going on. I've learned a lot in my 28 years of living. I've learned that sometimes the truth does hurt. I've learned when it's best told, and when it's best kept to yourself.

Jen reconnecting with Billy, made me wonder about Marc. Marc Johnson, the former "love of my life". He's the ONLY one I couldn't have. I'm sure you guys have gathered, I'm the type of woman who gets what she wants. One way or another, I always got my man. Granted, I might not've gotten them right when I wanted them, but at some point in time or another, I ALWAYS got them. Not Marc. I never did- and it drove me CRAZY!!!

I mean, in high school, EVERY NIGHT, I sat down at my vanity, and for three hours, I spiral curled my hair so that I would be PERFECT for school the next morning. I slept with a shower cap at night so that my hair wouldn't move. I kept Merle Norman in business from 1992 to 1996. I was a pretty girl, with a lot of confidence, and a big heart. I could NEVER understand what kept Marc from liking me? Well, aside from that girlfriend he had.

Crystal. His ex. I absolutely despised that girl. I KNEW she had cheated on him numerous times, but of course, I couldn't tell him that- like HE would believe ME! So, I sat by in silent anguish, while I watched this "girl" with MY man! Oh, I was so pissed!!!

At the beginning of our senior year, they had broken up. I tried to play it so cool. I didn't want him to even know that I cared, although I was absolutely ecstatic! On Senior Night, I got the courage up to ask him if I could wear his football jersey. When he said, "yes", I damn near passed out. I swear, I'm surprised that someone didn't have to scrape me up from the lunchroom floor at EHS.

I wore his jersey with such pride. I had waited 2 long years for that moment, and you KNOW I wasn't going to waste one minute. Marc, came to school the next day, looking like shit. It was "scare away the Devil's Day", and so he had some nasty mask type thing on his face. How dare he ruin MY perfect day like that! *L* I was mortified, but was still on cloud 9. It was as perfect as I could've imagined.

Well, until the NEXT week, when he got back with Crystal. Yep. My perfect dream was quickly blown into the perfect nightmare.

I'm sure you're wondering, where I'm going with all of this. I e-mailed Marc about a month ago. I apologized for all of the harsh things I had said about him and Crystal. I told him about my marriage, health, and life in general. I wanted to cleanse my soul of the things I had held inside.

Even though I am happily married, and it doesn't matter one way or another that we'll never be together, I would just like to know why things didn't work with us? Was it because of Bobbie? (He's an "ex" of mine- and I use that term loosely, because EVERYONE always thought there was more going on with me and him than there ever was), or something else? It's just one question I'd love an answer to. I'll probably never have the answers, and so, it'll eat at me until the day I die.