Just For Fun...

Some Quotes I'd Like To Share... Said By Random People In and Out Of My Life...

1. While listening to "My Sweet Lord", by George Harrison, I was singing along, and when it came to the line "Hare Krishna", I asked my mom, "Why is he singing about Hare Krishna?" she replied "I don't know, I guess he was at the airport". Don't ask me why, I laughed my ass off over this one.

2. A couple of weeks ago, I was having dinner with some of my former co-workers from Proffitts'. Charleen was telling us about how the man who did her tattoo had Tourette's Syndrome, only she had NO idea about this before hand. Lyndsey dropped her chip and looked up at us saying "Oh my God, that sounds dangerous! Is it contagious?"- I think that one speaks for itself.

3. About 12 years ago, my cousin Holly and I were eating at our local McDonald's, when a friend of mine, we'll call him LM, came to talk to me. LM, happens to be an African-American, and my cousin Holly, who is not as "worldly" as me *but by no means racist*, was talking to LM. He asked her out. Instead of saying "I have a boyfriend", or even "no thank you", my brilliant cousin says "I don't date shades". I was mortified. LM, fell in the floor laughing his ass off. He thought that was the funniest thing he'd ever heard. Holly had NO idea what she had said, and didn't mean it ugly at all. She just prefered to date caucasian men. The girl had no tact- come to think of it, still really doesn't.

4. Christmas 2004, Charleen and I were working at my Elizabeth Arden counter. I saw her smile at a man on the other side of my counter. She looked as if she knew him, so I didn't bother to ask the gentleman if he needed help. After standing there with Char for a good 5 minutes, she said "Christy, aren't you going to help that man?", I looked at her like she had three heads. I said "I thought you knew him". She replied, "Christy, I don't know every brother". Well, I lost it. I thought it was a friend of hers, because she acted like she knew him. I couldn't even ask the man if he needed help, I was doubled over my counter screaming and laughing. When Char finally composed herself, she asked him if he needed help, and explained that he looked like an ex of hers, and that's why I was laughing. He was a good sport, but bless his heart, he was looking for something we didn't have- and didn't even know what store he was in! *LOL*

5. My friend Jeremy's Theory on Sex- "Sex should be shared by two people who love and care about each other. If a third person is brought in, it should be three people who love and care about one another. Group Sex- I'm just not feeling the love". He said this to me in 1999 while I was sitting behind my desk at Allstate trying to type in payments. Just wrong *LOL*

6. October 2005- Geraldine is getting her ass chewed out by Big Daddy for having TWO days off during the first week of her gift *because her numbers were so bad*. She replies with "Don't talk to me about that, talk to that thing that makes our schedule"- I laughed my ass off, that's how our old manager Kim, became "That Thing That Made Our Schedule".

7. One night, my Aunt Judy and I were listening the radio, and an old song by John Mellencamp came on the radio. She looked at me and asked "Is that John Cougar MellenCOMP?" *Mellencomp- I laughed my ass off*- See, little things amuse me!

8. While working at Merle Norman Cosmetics a few years back, the owner hired a "VERY" outspoken religious woman. Don't get me wrong- I'm a Christian, but I don't preach hellfire and brimstone every time I turn around. With that being said, every word out of the woman's mouth ended with "Praise the Lord" or "Thank You, Jesus". Donna and I were about to die. The woman was driving us nuts. So we devised a little plan. Everytime the woman was getting on our nerves, we'd look at each other and say "PTL", and hold our hand up. The woman had no idea what we were doing, but Donna and I couldn't keep a straight face. Needless to say, she didn't last long.

9. One night while flipping through channels at Eddie, Eddie and Susan's house, I came across Benny Hinn. Now, if you've ever seen this man, you will KNOW what I'm talking about. As he was doing some of his "healing", I looked up at my friends and said "You know, he gives new meaning to "Knocking the hell" outta somebody".

10. A few months ago, my husband and I were watching Cops, on Court TV. He had gotten up to go get a drink, while he was gone, he asked me who they were arresting. Brilliantly, I replied, "That Mexiconaco". I was trying to say Mexican, and ended up crossing it with Mexcio, so it came out "Mexiconaco". That was so not right. Although my Mexican friends love it *LOL*

11. This isn't an actual quote, but one hell of a funny story. The cosmetic girls at Proffits' all knew how much I love Spongebob Squarepants, and constantly recite quotes from the show. One of my favorites is "When in Doubt, Pinky Out". So if we saw someone who thought they were God's gift, or we had a big sale, anything that required a "High Pinky", we'd all raise our pinkies in the air. One saturday, I went to bathroom, and as I came out, I noticed a woman walking out who had apparently had a stroke. *DISCLAIMER: I NEVER laugh at and/or make fun of someone over a disease, disorder, disability, ect* This is one time, I wasn't able to control it. The woman walked out, with her hand held up. Yes, you guessed it. The only finger she was holding up was her pinky. Immediately, I thought of "When in Doubt, Pinky Out". I had to act like I was coughing. I laughed all the way out of the bathroom and down to cosmetics where I proceded to tell the story to everyone else. They nearly died. *Once again, I stress, NO ONE was laughing over the woman's disability or anything like that, only that she was an honorary member of our "High Pinky Club".


The names have NOT been changed to protect the innocent, guilty, and/or just plain stupid. I hope you got a good laugh out of at least one of the above! :0)