Since There's Not Much...

Going on in cold, gloomy East Tennessee, I figured I'd share some funny stories. I LOVE telling stories, like I've mentioned before, I literally have a story for ANY and EVERY occasion! I think I'll tell some Proffitts' stories tonight. As you can tell from some of my earlier pictures, I was a bleached blonde for nearly six years. I thought I couldn't be beautiful UNLESS my hair was "Marilyn" blonde. Well, for those of you who bleach or have bleached in the past- you KNOW what that does to your hair. Yep, it fries it, and does tend make the hair break- especially if you LOVE the tanning bed as much as I did.

I was a tanning bed JUNKIE. I had to go DAILY or else I just knew I was going to be white, and that nice little playboy bunny that is PERMANENTLY tanned into the side of my left ankle would disappear. Anyway, back to the story at hand. My boss, Kim- AKA: "That Thing That Makes Our Schedule", came into work one day. Now, I've told you that my hair was bleached blonde, and well, there was very little of it, because I'd bleached it SOOOOOOOO much- so I decided to try some of the "clip on hair", the ponytails and such. LOVED them. They looked so natural and matched my hair. I started out with a small ponytail, and since no one seemed to know it was fake, I decided to get more. I came in to work with a longer "rolled" ponytail. Kim came over to my counter and looked as if she as going to break into tears.

She said "Oh, my God!!! Christy got new hair!!!", she had everyone coming over to see my new hair. The saddest part of this entire situation is- that I wasn't embarrassed and/or mortified. I was ecstatic that people noticed it and liked it as much as I did! Jess, however, was embarrassed for me. Then again, I embarrassed Jess on a daily basis by holding Chick-fil-a chicken nuggets up to her saying "Chicken is your friend Jess, chicken doesn't judge you"- and then would die laughing. I would laugh, but I honestly wished she would eat. Jess lived on wheat thins and diet frozen dinners. The girl was a size 4!!! I was like WTF!!! I loved Jess though, she was a good friend.

Another story I simply must share. Geraldine, she was the counter manager for Lancome. We called each other "Sis"- well, actually we called everyone in cosmetics "Sis". Someone could yell "Sis" and 5 people would turn around and answer *LOL*. Anyway, Geraldine and I were sitting at her counter- one of my favorite pastimes after Big Daddy had gone home. We were telling crazy stories, and hers topped them all!!!

Geraldine was telling us that after her first husband died that she was trying to get her finances in order, and needed to buy her son, Johnny, some clothes for school. She called the credit card company *for the life of me, I can't remember what company this way, I'm thinking Millers*, and informed them that she needed a credit card in her name. Back in those days, women didn't have credit cards in their name- it was always in the husband's name. The person on the phone asked Geraldine why she needed a card in her name, and she informed them that her husband was deceased. They told her a credit card would be out to her in her name in 7 to 10 days.

Well, two weeks later, Geraldine received the card. When she opened it up, she was devastated. The card said "Mr. Deceased". I lost it! I nearly pissed myself right then and there. I was laughing so hard I had tears streaming down my cheeks. I couldn't help it. Geraldine was laughing too. When I finally calmed down, she told me that at the time, she was still grieving, and she cut the card to shreds and never shopped at Millers again- but looking back, it's a scream and she wished she had kept it. Mr. Deceased. I can't imagine- I'd give anything if she had kept it. That was too funny!

One more while I'm on a roll. Proffitts' Bristol was probably the most lenient of all the Proffitts' chain to work for- Big Daddy *or Ron*, our store manager, was the best person, with the biggest heart, and the worst manager. He loved us too much to be the kind of manager he needed to be, so many times our store looked like shit. Well, every couple of months Jim and Russell would show up for a visit *those were our district and regional managers*. Most of the time, cosmetics were covered. I was completely obsessive compulsive about my counter- so it was ALWAYS immaculate. However, the "numbers" for everyone's counters, weren't always so. I was typically always at goal or above. It just so happened that Jim and Russell decided on a visit while I was REALLY in the hole.

I knew my ass was grass. I had to figure a way out of this situation and FAST. I went home that night, and picked out the classiest, low cut dress I owned- Kim refers to it as the "Marilyn" dress. It looks very similar to Marilyn Monroe's famous "white dress" only in black. I put on a pair of heels and my "fancy hair", as Kim liked to refer to it. The next day, I was ready. Kim decided I was going to be the "spokesperson" for cosmetics, and I HAD to flirt, because Estee Lauder's numbers were sucking majorly, and I wasn't having the best week either.

As Jim and Russell walked by, Jim walked up on one side of me, while Russell came up on the other, both putting their arms around me, telling me how good it was to see me. I had the biggest shit eating grin on my face, considering neither of them had EVER spoken to me before. They both sang my praises, saying how glad they were to have me managing Elizabeth Arden, and how wonderful cosmetics looked. They DIDN'T EVEN LOOK at the counters, they didn't get above my chest. Mission accomplished. Big Daddy stayed off of me for the rest of the week- no fighting about my "numbers not being what they should be". It just proves- sometimes, flirting will get you everywhere- it saved our asses many times! *LOL*

I do hope you enjoyed my Proffitts' stories. I love telling them, and have tons of stories of all sorts. If you want to hear about anything in particular- let me know!