All That You Can't Leave Behind...

Have you ever had things you just can't leave behind? It could be a friendship, relationship, or something as simple as a picture. It's something. It's something that haunts you, that eats away at your very soul. Well, this week while I was having my lovely severe reaction to Depakote, that's another story entirely, I realized all of the things I hadn't let go of.

Depakote really fucks you up. I mean, a kind of messing with your head that there's no words to adequately describe it. I just know that I *literally* had the majority of the severe side-effects, and coming off of it after only 10 days was hell. But, I digress, that's not what this post is about, although, it ties in.

While I was on Depakote, I wasn't thinking clearly, or rationally. My mind would often drift to times that were better, times that were worse, or just times that made me smile in the past, if something were to, perhaps, trigger it, such as a song or a scent.

I went through a lot of people this week. Greg, Ryan, Shawn, Paul, Timmy, Neil, damn, I sound like Blanche Devereaux with all of these men, there is a point though, I assure you. They each were holding on to something I couldn't let go of. Even though I'm married, and happily I might add, there with each of these men, there was unfinished business, underlying hurt, unanswered questions, or just a reason to smile. I know, quite the range of emotions there. Regardless, I couldn't leave it behind. These are things I've kept in my heart all these years, and it needed to come out. These demons needed to be purged, and perhaps, maybe, just maybe, the Depakote did it.

If nothing else, it forced me to be emotional, and face emotions and feelings I hadn't felt in some time. Why not now? Sometimes, you have to open old wounds to heal, and let go of all that you can't leave behind. The truth is, you really *can* leave it behind, it's just a matter of how bad do you want it.