Life...As I Know It

It's Been Too Long...

2011-03-19T01:53:00.004-04:00

Since I've blogged, updated everyone, blah, blah, blah. I know. No excuses. I've been through hell. If you want to know what hell is like, just ask. I'll be glad to share it with you. I've seen the face of satan himself. And no, I refuse to capitalize satan's name. I give him NO respect. I'm getting ready to back to Vanderbilt for another check-up. Praying not another surgery, but it's all still up in the air. For those of you who haven't heard from me in two years, my fistula is healed (thank you, God, and Dr. Paul Wise). On May 11th, 2010, I went into surgery at Vanderbilt University Medical Center, and by the skilled hands of Dr. Wise, I was healed of the bane of my existence. The horrible obstetric fistula that had plagued my life for almost 15 months.

I spent a good year in therapy, and after that, I began a support group for women who are living with/or survivors of obstetric fistula. There are no words to describe the horrible isolation I felt during those 15 months. No one, but someone who has been there, can possibly understand your pain, and it's not even remotely physical. It's mental, and emotional. Every time you go to the bathroom, you relive the birth-- the neglect, the pain, the anguish. It just doesn't stop. The dignity you lose by having to go and buy bag after bag after bag of Depends, and box after box after box of douche, to never feel clean-- and you never truly are. There's ALWAYS leakage-- ALWAYS. It's hell. It's a hell I wouldn't wish upon my worst enemy.

Right now, I'm dealing with survivors guilt. Two of the girls in my support group are struggling terribly, and my heart is broken. Both of them have been through three failed surgeries. One is living with a colostomy, the other is not. Both are at the end of their ropes. I keep telling them to hang on, there's a cure, someone is going to help them. They will be healed. In my heart, I know that they will, I'll keep fighting until they are. I haven't given up hope, but it hurts, because here I am, healed, on the second try, easily, and they're the ones laying, suffering. It all seems so easy coming from someone like me. I would give anything to just trade places with them, even for a day, just to let them remember what it's like to be normal, because you forget.

You forget what it's like to go to the bathroom and not have to sit there for hours on end. You forget what it's like to not have to plan EVER trip based upon where the bathrooms are, and if you have enough douche and Depends on your person before you leave the house. You forget what it's like to not live with the horrible memories in your head of what put you in that situation.

I've been having some flashbacks lately. I think they've been due to my period coming (yeah, I know you REALLY wanted to know that), but it's not been easy for me to deal with. I know having Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, that you just have to take things one day at a time. I can't say I'm 100% yet, or that I'll ever be, but I'm working on it. My daughter is happy and healthy, she's the light of my life. I love her more than anything, and I'm thankful to have her. I thankful she doesn't know about any of this, and doesn't remember me suffering.

Here's some pictures from surgery, healing, fun, and Savannah :0)

Letting It Go...

2009-03-23T01:04:00.004-04:00

I've finally let it go. All of the sadness, anger, anxiety, and depression from the traumatic experiences of the past three months. I haven't been able to enjoy spending time with my precious baby, because my mind and heart were clouded with all that I couldn't let go. On saturday, the NICU at the Johnson City Medical Center had footprints taken for the wall. Anyone who was and/or has a baby that was in the NICU was invited to come and post their hand or footprint on the wall. I definitely wanted to take Savannah, as she was a NICU baby and survivor.

The night before, I didn't sleep. I couldn't sleep. The thoughts of going back to the hospital literally had me frozen with fear. All the feelings of neglect, pain, hopelessness, fear-- they all came back. What should've been a joyous occasion became one of dread. I almost decided not to go. I had a great excuse. I was absolutely dead with a cold/sinus infection, but knew going was the right thing to do.

It was right, on so many levels. Chris and I parked near the Women's Center, the site of my first trauma, and entered with Savannah. I felt all of the emotions rushing back. The anxiety. The fear. The anger-- it filled me. Right behind me, was the Same-Day Surgery Center-- the place where my fistula surgery took place. I felt anger as I thought about it. Dr. Hinton did a great job with the surgery, that's not the problem, the problem was it didn't stay. Back to the surgery. I had never been wheeled into an operating room. I was completely conscious, and completely terrified. It's the most terrifying feeling being conscious, on an operating table, and alone. I wasn't alone-- obviously there were nurses, and Dr. Hinton was there, holding my hand until I was out, but I felt alone. I took it all with strength, because I KNEW I was going to get better.

While Chris and I walked down the long hall, I turned around. I realized that the pain and surgery seemed to be all for nothing. I wanted to turn and run out of the hospital. The Johnson City Medical Center was the last place in the world I wanted to be, but I kept on going. We stepped off the elevator and headed to the NICU. That was a walk I used to dread. Anyone who's been the mother (or family member) of a NICU baby knows that dread. As we rounded the corner, it was actually a happy sight.

Savannah's nurse, Judy was there to welcome us, along with several other nurses and people. There were several people and children of all ages there having their hand or footprints made for the wall. In all, we probably weren't there a total of 15 minutes.

As we left, I was never so thankful to be leaving some place in all my life. I had no idea how much walking out the door of that hospital really did for me. It freed me. All of the anger, resentment, fear, sadness, depression, hopelessness, anxiety-- I left it all the door, literally. I had been suffering with severe post-partum depression and post-traumatic stress syndrome. I saw no joy in my life. No hope, no happiness-- everyday I lived, I didn't live, I merely existed. To be quite honest with you, most days, I didn't want to live. Had I not had the great support system of my beloved family and friends, I probably would've committed suicide. *NOTE: I did not and have not comtemplated suicide-- I'm only speculating on how I would feel if I were going through all of this alone*

I'm thankful for today. I'm thankful for my beautiful baby, wonderful family and friends, and most of all God, for never leaving me. This is the third time, there truly was only one set of footprints-- because he carried me through it all.

For all of my friends that are currently TTC, please, let me stress something to you-- PLEASE make sure you have a good support system. I PRAY that none of you will EVER have to go through what I've been through, BUT if you do, you need help. This is something most people don't talk about. When you're TTC and wanting a baby so badly, you don't realize all of the things that could go wrong. I don't think anyone is ever prepared to be neglected by health care "professionals" during labor. Nor are they prepared to give birth to a child who isn't breathing-- and tests positive for Group B Strep, when you tested negative. No one is prepared to have to leave their baby in the NICU, nor are they prepared to deal with a fistula, and surgery that wasn't a complete success. On top of that, no one is really prepared to deal with post-partum depression. It's real. It can be severe. It's heartbreaking, and most people won't tell you about it. I will.

Being a mother is the hardest thing I've ever done. As hard as pregnancy was, being pregnant was the easy part. I'm not trying to scare anyone here, what I'm trying to do is tell you what I wish someone had told me-- things can go wrong. When and if things go wrong, you need a lot strength and support before you even think about bringing a baby into the world, make sure you have both.

If you or someone you know is suffering with post-partum depression, don't be ashamed to ask for help. It takes a strong person to know that they can't deal with something on their own.

Labor of Love...

2009-03-05T01:11:00.002-05:00

She's finally here. At 6:12pm on February 4th, Savannah Boleyn Rach made her grand entrance into the world-- an easy entrance, it wasn't. I was in hard labor for 18 1/2 hours, and on top of that, my epidural didn't work, at least, not for long. The bands from the monitors on my stomach were so tight they were cutting into me, and none of the nurses would help me. I screamed in agony from the hard contratcions, begging God for mercy and strength, because I knew there was no way I could delivery that baby myself. It had been over 36 hours since I'd eaten, and the pain had taken every ounce of strength I had. Violently throwing up bile, because my stomach was empty, I was finally able to dilate to 9 centimeters. At 5:00pm, I was in such pain, that I was screaming and begging for something to take it away. I was given one finally shot of medication into my epidural that would only last for 45 minutes-- after that, I was on my own. I was determined to deliver my baby in that 45 minute window-- but didn't. I felt every agonizing contraction. The pain in my back was indescribable. With every push I begged God for strength. I give Him all the credit for my child being here-- there was no strength left in my body, it was Him that got her here, not me.

When my pain was finally over, my beautiful baby girl was here. Little did I know, she wasn't breathing. My husband and family shielded me from the sight of my newborn baby girl laying there, nearly lifeless as the nurses tried to clear her lungs. Thank God, they were able to, and she began to breathe on her own. She was strong from the womb, and came out a fighter. She had to be. For the first 10 days of her life, she was in the NICU. After aspirating meconium into her lungs in the womb, and then testing positive for group B strep, she was on IV anti-biotics for 10 days-- which meant leaving my baby girl behind when I was discharged from the hospital.

Being in the horrible shape I was in, I was thankful that Savannah was in the NICU for a few days. I knew she was getting round the clock care that I couldn't provide for her. Little did I know how bad of shape I was in. I delivered Savannah on wednesday. On friday, I had my first bowel movement. You wonder why I'm telling you this-- well, it's very relevant to what's coming next. I was absolutely horrified to find out that the bowel movement didn't come out of my rectum, but my vagina. I immediately called my doctor, who told me to come in first thing on monday, that I probably had a fistula. I was calm, thinking I only had to deal with this fistula for the weekend. I had NO idea what would be in store for me.

I was absolutely horrified to find out that I had to wait a full two weeks before surgery could be preformed, and even then, it might not be fixed. I felt like a prisoner in my own body. I had just come through an extremely traumatic experience with labor and delivery-- being neglected by nurses, and laying in excruciating pain, and now this! I tried to stay positive, all the while, having to plan every single move. I couldn't leave the house, because if I had to have a bowel movement, I had to have my medicated wipes to clean myself, and pads or depends in the event of an "accident". It was only for two weeks I kept telling myself.

During those two weeks, I learned to deal. I got pretty good and being able to clean myself, and bathe extra just to feel clean. I was becoming more confident, and knew there was an end in sight. On tuesday February 24th, I went in for surgery. I was scared, but ready. I just wanted to be better, to be well and whole once more. The surgery went well. I woke up in pain, but it wasn't unbearable. I had hope. It was difficult being home and not being able to really get around or care for my daughter, but I was coping. I saw an end to the pain and embarrassment of the fistula.

All of that came crashing down on tuesday. Exactly one week to the day of surgery, it failed. I'll spare you the gory details, but will say this, with each wipe, tears streamed down my cheeks. I saw my hope being wiped away- literally. I wasn't fixed. I was still broken. After all I'd been through, the hope I had of being well, was literally wiped away.

Tearfully, I called my doctor who had me come in wednesday. The fistula, had indeed re-opened. It's not opened very far, but far enough to cause me grief. If it opens all the way, there's more surgery, and a colostomy bag in my future. There is a chance it could close on it's own. I'm giving it up to God, because I don't want to get my hopes up, only to end up broken once more. I know that whatever God decides, I'll deal with. He's never put more on me than I can stand, although there are times I really wonder why He trusts me so much.

The only bright spot in all of this is that my precious baby is home with us, safe, and healthy. She's growing and thriving. Although her start in this world was a rough one, she's growing and thriving. I know that I have to be strong for her, right now, it's just hard. One way or another, I'll survive.

Sorry It's Been So Long!

2009-01-03T11:29:00.002-05:00

Pregnancy hasn't been much fun! Between the back pain and asthma, I haven't felt much like doing anything. As miserable as I've been, I'm thankful. Only 5 more weeks until my sweet baby girl will be here with us! I've got several pictures to share-- some from our 4D ultrasound, and some of my maternity pictures.

Thanksgiving and Christmas were good, hoping they were for all of you, as well. I promise to keep everyone updated, I've just felt so miserable that it's hard to make myself get on here and write sometimes. I haven't forgotten you-- just been a sloth on my couch!

Savannah Boleyn is on her way!

2008-09-26T18:46:00.002-04:00

Yep, it's a girl! I couldn't be more excited! We found out on tuesday! We go back for a follow-up ultrasound on monday, as the doctor couldn't see everything that she wanted to. She's weighing a little heavy for her due date (imagine that-- Chris and I are both giants *LOL*).

Here's some pics from the ultrasound day! :0)

Nobody Told Me Growing People Was Hard!

2008-09-01T02:04:00.002-04:00

Sorry I've been so neglectful! Pregnancy is a helluva lot harder than I ever imagined! Where to begin? I'm almost 17 weeks pregnant now, and the baby is doing great! I wish I could say the same for myself. I was in the hospital a few weeks ago because I was having trouble breathing. Luckily, I didn't have a blood clot in my lung, I wasn't in heart failure, and all of my organs were still functioning fine. That's something to come in and tell a pregnant woman (especially one who just thought she was having an asthma attack). I was diagnosed with having panic attacks and sent home.

The breathing problems continued, and when I went for my follow up visit to the doctor, I was diagnosed with asthma. Great. Another ailment to add to the long list. In the process of all of this, I turned 30 on August 25th. Everyone kept asking me how it felt to be 30. I told them 30 was a breeze! Being pregnant is the hard part!

Overall, even though I haven't felt the best, I'm very happy. I've just begun to feel the baby kick, and can't even begin to describe how happy I feel each time I feel a little kick. We go on September 23rd to find out if we're having a boy or a girl. If it's a boy, we're going to name him Aiden Matthew, and if it's a girl, she's going to be named Savannah Boleyn.

Here's some pics from my last ultrasound about a month ago. I promise to be better at updating everyone! Thanks for all of the thoughts and prayers, I can definitely use them!

We're Back!

2008-07-14T00:06:00.002-04:00

I'm sorry I haven't posted before now! As excited as I am to be pregnant, the fatigue is really getting to me. It's hard for me to get online long enough to check my mail, much less do the things I enjoy like checking blogs, posting pics, ect. Things are going great, other than the fatigue. I truly guess I shouldn't complain, I know it could be a lot worse, it's just gotten me down that I haven't felt like doing anything but sleeping. I will make my rounds as soon as possible, in the meantime, know I'm thinking of ya'll, and definitely continue to keep us in your prayers! *hugs*

It's A Baby!

2008-06-24T15:58:00.002-04:00

Sorry for the delay in updates, but the morning/all day long sickness has gotten the best of me! I never know from one day to the next what I'm going to be able to eat, and if it's going to agree with me or not? Today, we had our first ultrasound! I'm officially 6 weeks and 3 days along, the baby has a strong heartbeat, and is developing normally thus far! I was so thankful to hear and see all of that! Of course, I have pictures to share with everyone! *Note, I will be out of town for the next 14 days, heading out to see my in-laws (who have dial-up) so I won't be able to respond til I'm back home, so don't worry about me, just pray for me! :0)

I'm Pregnant!

2008-06-02T23:04:00.002-04:00

Yes, it's true! I found out this morning! I made the appointment *initially* to discuss my blood pressure, and subsequently, ended up with a nice double ear infection AND sinus infection! In the midst of that chaos, I told my doctor that I had "been exposed to pregnancy" *LOL*. So, before she decided what antibiotics to give me, she gave me a pregnancy test. She ran two urine tests, and both came back with VERY faint positive lines.

She told me if I didn't have PCOS, that she would tell me right then that I was pregnant, but since I have PCOS, she wanted me to have a blood test--- so, I took the blood test. Around 4:30pm, we got the call, my lab work was back, and I'm pregnant! I'm SO excited!

I go see my OB/GYN on monday, so I'll know exactly how far along I am, and what I need to do to keep myself healthy. Please keep us in your thoughts and prayers. The risk of miscarriage for women with PCOS is high, so I'm truly hoping that I'll be one of the women to beat those nasty odds. I'll keep you posted, and be making my blog rounds, soon!

Insert Catchy Blog Title Here

2008-05-25T00:32:00.003-04:00

Ok, yes, it's true. I'm incredibly lazy. I've neglected my blog and pretty much everything else *L*. What a month it's been! Between church activities and paranormal investigations my weekends have been packed! I've been meaning to write, or at the very least, just check in on everyone's blogs, but as they say, "the road to hell is paved with good intentions", so I need to do instead of intending to do *LOL*.

Chris and I are working on starting a family. Oh so special me, had been timing EVERYTHING wrong. I didn't realize that conception took place in the fallopian tubes. The entire time, I thought it took place in the uterus *only*, so I was timing sex for the day I was ovulating. WRONG! That's too late! So, after a male home fertility test, and at home ovulation test, we *finally* figured out what we were doing wrong *L*. We're *hoping* that we "got it right" this month.

Speaking of babies, my godson, Luke, will be two years old tomorrow! Happy Birthday, Luke! We love you!

When The Answer Never Comes...

2008-04-20T22:47:00.003-04:00

There are so many events in our lives, where we're left wondering, "why?" or "what happened?" We want answers, but they never come. I'm not talking about the great mysteries of life, like, "why are we here?", or "how did God get here?" I'm talking about things that typically *only* affect us.

As I was laying in bed last night, my mind wandered to some people in my past. We all have a past. We all have, "the one who got away", or "the one that wasn't meant to be", but why? Why were they the one who got away? Or, for that matter, why wasn't it meant to be? Don't get me wrong, I'm extremely happy in my life and marriage as they are today, however it's bizarre how events in the past shape your thoughts of today.

For example, when I was in high school, there was a guy by the name of Marc that I was CRAZY about. By no means am I being ugly by saying this, but he wasn't anything special. Sure, he played football, but I was probably the only person in the entire school that thought he was attractive. No, he wasn't ugly, but he wasn't what "high school" girls in the 90's wanted. I found him very attractive, and knew there was more to him than met the eye. On Senior Night of 1995, I got to wear his football jersey, and that was it. He went back to his old girlfriend at another school. No, she wasn't anything special, either, but for some reason, he really liked her. It absolutely puzzled me! I mean, I wasn't Miss America, but for a big girl, I had it going on. I took pride in how I looked. I always had my hair fixed, makeup on, and nice clothes. I had a good personality, and a lot of friends. Why didn't Marc like me, or did he?

That's what I want to know? If he didn't *like* me, that's fine, but I never knew. I never knew if he found me attractive, or would've been interested in something more, if given the chance. Why? Why not? I just want to know, but never will.

Then we have Ryan. Ryan was a troubled individual, who gave me a run for my money. He worked across the hall from me at The Tilt when I worked for Merle Norman Cosmetics back in 1997. I was absolutely mesmerised by him. The first night we met, we spent almost 4 hours talking. He told me about his life, his family, his dreams. I knew more about him in those few hours than most people who had known him for months and years.

For a few magical weeks, things were great. We talked and enjoyed each other's company. Within a matter of 24 hours, things turned upside down. Ryan changed completely, to the point where I didn't even know who he was? He began dating a woman who worked in the mall, and flaunting it for all it was worth. My heart was absolutely broken, and he knew it. For over a month, I had to deal with the sight of Ryan and "her", in my face. One day, I finally got sick of it. I began to ignore them while at work. I finally made a call, and told him that if he was truly happy with "her", that I wished them the best, and that I wouldn't be bothering them anymore. The broke up within a matter of days.

My question is, what was the point of all of this? Was he attracted to me, too? Did he ever care about me? Or was he simply so damaged, that screwing with people's emotions was all he knew? Once again, I'll never have the answers.

Last, but not least, we have Phil. Phil was in the "semi-recent past". Phil brought me back to life. He made me feel good about myself, when life wasn't all that good. He made me feel beautiful. I flirted my ass off with him, and *believe* that he would flirt back. Due to the unfortunate circumstances at work, we were separated without even being able to say good-bye. I sent him an e-mail, explaining how sorry I was if I made him feel uncomfortable, and wanting him to know how much I appreciated him for being him. I want to know, did he get that e-mail? Did he feel the same way? Was he as attracted to me as I was to him, or was I just completely delusional? I just want to know that everything is ok.

So many questions that will never be answered. Don't get me wrong, I don't sit around pining day in and day out, wondering why, but from time to time, these things do cross my mind, but when I begin to think about them, they eat away at me. I'm the type of person that "needs" closure. Sure, there are MANY people and events in my life that I never received "direct" answers from, but deep down inside I knew the answers. However, in these three instances, I'm beyond perplexed. I'll never know, and I have to live with that.

Finally... Some Good News!

2008-04-17T00:46:00.010-04:00

It's finally come and gone-- Jules' and Steve's wedding that is. Friday was enough to make me have a nervous breakdown. When I get to the church, Jules' is there with 40 filthy white chairs. I was speechless. Jules' is the kind of person who doesn't want to hurt anyone's feelings and unfortunately, often times, won't stand up for herself. To make a long story short, I made her call them back, and make them deliver more *clean* chairs. Nearly 3 hours later, they deliver MORE dirty chairs. The people were so hateful, that we just sent most of the chairs back, and cleaned the ones we could. Luckily-- that was the only thing that went wrong.

Saturday morning, I rolled my happy self out of bed around 10:00am (early, huh?) because I had a hair appointment at 11:00am. My parents owned a hair salon for nearly 8 years, and in that time I'd never had an "up-do" until saturday. I absolutely LOVED IT! I had borrowed a rhinestone hairpin from my best friend, Jen, to wear for the wedding. My dress was absolutely gorgeous! Chris and I were the first to arrive at the church. The photographer was already there taking pictures. After having to deal with him and his drama, I nicknamed him our "flaming friend." Now, most everyone reading my blog knows I love everyone (gay, straight, whatever-- you know me), but this guy, he took flaming to a new level. He made Elton John look straight, and with attitude to boot.

I'm so glad that Jules' loved her pics, because I wasn't crazy about the ones he took of me and Chris. The one's that my daddy and Chris took were much better, in my opinion.

It was REALLY hot inside the church, but luckily, there was a nice breeze blowing outside, so it felt really good coming out of the church. By the time the reception rolled around, I was exhausted. Can you believe *I* was gone by 8:00pm? I'm getting so old. SO. OLD.

Now, I'm enjoying a little rest and relaxing! Here's some pics for everyone to enjoy !

Don't Fall Over...

2008-04-05T03:26:00.002-04:00

I actually updated this thing! I thought I could definitely use a change! It's been a rough couple of weeks. One of my friends had a stroke, another had fluid in the lining of his heart, and another's grandfather (who was practically his dad) passed away. Couple that with one of my aunt's having surgery, and trying to prepare for a friend's wedding, it's been enough to have me completely frazzled.

The good news. Both of my friends are ok. Peggy (who had the stroke), didn't suffer any permanent damage, and Eddie's heart is fine. The fluid was caused from a viral infection that didn't completely heal. My aunt who had surgery is at home, and doing a little better.

I'm still stressed, as Jules' wedding is next saturday and *keeping my fingers crossed* I'm hoping that the alterations that are being done to my dress will be done this weekend. I can't wait to post some pics of it! It's absolutely beautiful!

Just thought I should let ya'll know I'm alive and kicking, and will be making my blog rounds this weekend! *hugs all around*

Happy Easter!

2008-03-22T21:28:00.003-04:00

How time flies! I can't believe it's Easter already! I must say, I'm definitely ready for Easter, and spring for that matter! It's been a busy week, here, but I'm thankful! I've been busy with friends and family all week long, and looking forward to Mass in the morning. My friend, Jules', wedding is only 3 weeks away now! I'm getting really excited! Hopefully, my dress will be here this week, and I can get some pics up on here for everyone to see. In the meantime, I do have a pic from her bridal luncheon we had today.

I hope that everyone is doing well, and that you ALL have a safe, and blessed Easter!

Ready For Spring...

2008-03-12T22:02:00.002-04:00

It's been a much better week here. No one is sick, and no one has passed away, *fingers crossed* hopefully, it will stay that way. I absolutely LOVE having the extra hour of daylight, but am having a hard time getting used to the time change. I don't know about anyone else, but when the time changes back, it always seems like there's not enough hours in the day to get things done! By the time I get motivated to do anything, it's 4 or 5pm! Although, I don't mind on some days, because it's staying daylight until around 7pm! Yay!

I did get to enjoy something fun this past weekend. I went to the bridal store with my friend, Jules, to help her find a dress for her daughter, and to try her dress on again . Of course, you know, I can't go to a bridal store without trying on a dress, so of course, I've got some pics to share. Am *really* hoping that my dress for the wedding will be in, soon. I believe our fitting is next wednesday!

Hope everyone has been doing well. I'll be making my rounds in a little bit! *hugs to all*

Just When I Start To Get Better...

2008-03-05T23:29:00.002-05:00

Once again, I haven't been neglectful on purpose. On monday, my Aunt Sandy passed away. She had terminal cancer, so honestly, her death was a blessing. She wasn't *actually* diagnosed until last week, although, the cancer had been there for quite some time. She went into the hospital on saturday, and passed on monday. I say it's a blessing because she didn't have to suffer. Her husband, my Uncle Steve, died 10 years ago next friday. He, too, had terminal cancer, only he suffered for two weeks before his death. I was thankful that Aunt Sandy didn't have to suffer that way.

I hadn't been close to her for quite some time, but I did love her. I truly feel bad that I didn't do more for her. All of her family is in New Jersey, so we *Uncle Steve's family* was all she had down here. My cousin, Holly, was really close to her, the way I am my Aunt Judy. Holly has taken it a lot harder.

As if this wasn't bad enough news, I found out yesterday, that my papaw is back in the hospital, and they don't expect him to make it. Once again, if he passes, it, too, will be a blessing. He has terminal cancer, and has lived quite a bit longer than anyone expected. However, I know he's not in good shape, and I don't want him to suffer. When he does pass, I'll have to go to Florida with Daddy (granny and papaw live in Panama City).

So, as you can tell, it's been a week. Oh, not to mention that I had a nice allergic reaction to the anti-biotic that they had me on, and TWO, count them TWO drug interactions with my medications. My Prozac didn't work while I was taking it, so I was exceptionally depressed while taking it, and it cancelled out my Nexium, so everything I ate made me sicker than usual. Good times, I'm tellin' ya.

If you made it this far in this post, I've probably depressed you, and I am terribly sorry, I promise the next time I write, it will be with something good and fun :0)

Sick...

2008-02-20T20:29:00.001-05:00

Just wanted everyone to know I wasn't actually being lazy this time-- just dead with a cold. I didn't even get to go tubing last saturday :0( Life is not fun right now. As soon as I feel semi-human again, I'll be back to catch up with everyone.

In A Funk...

2008-02-12T20:46:00.000-05:00

I absolutely hate winter. Yes, the snow is pretty, and the crisp air can be refreshing, but overall, I just hate it. The lack of daylight leaves much to be desired for me. By this time, I'm typically really depressed and all but a hermit. I've been fighting depression more and more lately. I keep trying to remind myself, that I have so much to be thankful for-- and I do. Two years ago, I had a great reason to be depressed, but not now.

One thing that's at least made a difference, in the past couple of days, is that I began taking my allergy medicine again. I stopped taking it about a year ago when Chris and I decided we'd start "actively" trying for a baby. However, we haven't exactly been putting forth the effort lately, and I've felt miserable. I started taking my Allegra again, and it's been like night and day. I actually *feel* like getting out of bed in the morning.

I knew I was going to have to be feeling better, we're headed to Sugar Mountain this weekend, tubing with the church. I'm really looking forward to that. Like I said, even though I'm not big on winter, I do enjoy some snow-- and tubing is especially fun.

Oh, and I found out something today that made me even happier! One of my dearest blog buddies is getting married! I'm so excited for her! If you get a chance, stop by her blog, here, and leave some love!

Seven Random Things and More!

2008-01-27T22:53:00.000-05:00

I've been tagged by Stephanie, to give 7 random facts about myself.

1. I'm terribly OCD. I HAVE to have my stuffed cow in order to sleep, and if I don't have a shower, I can't get in bed.

2. I'm hopelessly addicted to fluff friends. You can visit Cow, and see what it's all about :0) *if you're on Facebook, add me!*

3. I sleep with the television on.

4. Other than on sunday, it's rare I roll out of bed before noon.

5. I absolutely LOVE chocolate.

6. It's been over 15 years since I've seen my natural hair color.

7. I can't pass a cow on the road without "Mooing" at it.

I'm just now getting a chance to catch up. I spent the weekend in Gatlinburg with my mom, aunt, friend Juile, and her daughter Brandy *we call her Wooz*, for our annual church convention. I didn't have to go the first day, so Wooz and I spent the day in the indoor pool. That night, we all went to Five Oaks, an AWESOME outlet mall, and to Bubba Gump's Shrimp Company to eat. It was AWESOME. If you've never been, and enjoy seafood, it's a MUST. All I got was an appetizer, which was 3/4 of a pound of garlic shrimp, and it was HEAVENLY!

I don't have the pictures uploaded yet-- Grrrrrr! Another story. My mom and dad bought me an absolutely wonderful camera for Christmas. The ONLY problem, is that it didn't come with a battery charger. Sooooo, I bought a cheap one on ebay. Well, I used it one time, and it died. So, I was left to purchase one from Kodak.com for 50.00. That left a bad taste in my mouth, but hopefully, I'll at least be able to charge my batteries.

AND, I we have church drama. Big Time. I'm kinda afraid to post it here, for fear that someone who shouldn't see it, might, let's put it this way-- we would NEVER EVER ask anyone to leave the church, for any reason. With that being said, there are two people that are literally splitting the church, and causing such an uproar, that it's almost unbearable. In the 30 years I've been in that church, this sort of thing has never happened. It's so unnerving, and really causing me and some others great grief-- so, if you're a person of faith, please keep us in your prayers, so that everything will work itself out for the best.

How It All Turns Out...

2008-01-14T22:37:00.000-05:00

Does anything in life ever really turn out the way we expect it to? We all have high hopes and expectations out of certain events in our life, only to be let down, when they don't live up to those expectations. I spent 5 years, angry because my wedding photos had double exposed. I was extremely over-weight, and didn't feel good, physically. I didn't have the huge extravagant affair that I'd always dreamt of, so I felt cheated. When, in reality, I had a nicer wedding than most will ever have. I was surrounded by the people I loved the most-- my family, my friends, and most of all, my husband. It was a time to celebrate the sacrament of marriage with my loved ones, not a time to worry about everything that wasn't going right.

Over the years, I've come to realize that a lot of things in life don't turn out the way we hope. Friends drift apart, plans fall through, life changes. People change. Many things don't stay the same.

I used to spend a lot of time longing for days gone by. I liked thinking about when things were easier. When my aunt was younger, without so many health problems, when I felt good, and had nothing but time to enjoy with my friends and family. I miss going out riding around with Abbie in my convertible. I miss Jeremy's crazy antics, and quotes. I miss going and playing tennis and hanging out with Eddie, Eddie, Susan, and Kevin. I miss the parties and all of the fun we had together. When I saw this picture, it brought tears to my eyes.

I didn't see this picture until nearly 3 years after it was taken. It was one of the many times we were all together at the house in Milligan in 2004. Every day I was with Eddie, Eddie, Susan, and Kevin. That summer, I had just gotten my job at Proffitts', Justin, Jake and I began to hang out a lot, again. I was so close to my friends. Life was good.

I drove by the tennis court today, and for a few moments, felt sad. I could see us, just as we were, four years ago, playing tennis, laughing, and having fun. Then I remembered something I'd read, "don't cry because it's over, smile, because it happened." And I did. I smiled, because God blessed me with friends. I was fortunate enough to have that, along with many experiences in my life. I'm still friends with Eddie, Eddie, Susan, Kevin, Jeremy, Abbie, Justin, and Jake. I may not see them as much as I'd like, but they're always in my heart.

So, if things in your life don't turn out the way you planned, it's ok. As long as you're happy, and you have those whom you love close-- that's all that matters.

Awwwwwwwwwww... We Got Married!!!

2007-12-31T00:01:00.000-05:00

5 years ago, at 7:30pm on December the 31st, Chris and I tied the knot! It's been a rocky road, but we've made it, and are happier than ever!

I hope this new year finds you and your loved ones safe, happy, and well. I'll be around more after the first of the year with an update! Lotsa love to all!

In Loving Memory of Laci and Conner

2007-12-24T18:00:00.001-05:00

On a day that should be so joyous, 5 years ago today, Laci Denise Peterson, and her unborn son, Conner were savagely murdered at the hands of her husband, Scott. Please take a moment to remember Laci, Conner, and those they left behind. May God Bless them.

'Tis The Season...

2007-12-12T20:27:00.000-05:00

To be busy and everything else in between. For the past two weeks, things have been extremely hectic in my life. We're getting ready to have a Christmas pageant at church that's going to be a complete disaster-- but, would I expect anything less? After our rehearsal on sunday, which pretty much sealed the deal that it was going to be bad, my friend, Jules, comes to me and asks me to ride to Mountain City with her. While we were rehearsing, someone had called the church, asking if we had a food pantry. The woman had three kids, had just moved to the area, was flat broke, and had nothing to eat.

Of course, I told Jules I'd ride with her. We gathered two crates of food together for the family, and made the hour trip to Mountain City to give the family food. When we got there, it truly was a pitiful sight. My heart just bled for that family. I know how hard it must've been for her to humble herself enough to pick up the phone and call for help. Of all the churches she called, I'm glad it was ours. We take care of all of God's children without a guilt-trip or a "we'd better see you in church sunday, or else" speech. We're just glad we were able to help someone in need.

As we were leaving, Jules said, "you know, it's scary just how many people are just one paycheck away from homeless." How true, how true. I was one of them for a long time. I'll never forget that, and will always remember, just how truly blessed I am. I have more than many, and I'm thankful for all that I am, and all that I have.

Speaking of paychecks, there may not be one for a month. My husband came home last night, and informed me that he, along with 100 others might be laid off for a month. Right now, it's just a rumor, but you never know. I hope that's not the case, but this has been such a great year, that I've been waiting for the other shoe to drop. Although, if it happens, it happens. I've been through a HELL OF A LOT worse than a month without a paycheck-- I've been through 11 months without a paycheck. If I can survive that, I can definitely survive this. Please keep not only us, but all of those who may be laid off in your thoughts and prayers.

Last, but not least-- a picture, for your viewing pleasure:

Happy Birthday Caleb!

2007-12-01T18:31:00.000-05:00

You came into the world 7 years ago today-- I love you with all my heart! :0)

~For those of you who are newbs, Caleb is my oldest Godson~

~A new post is coming soon~

Being Thankful...

2007-11-18T20:19:00.000-05:00

Yes, I know, once again, I'm neglectful. Although, I've missed everyone, I'm not sorry that I've been busy. I've been truly blessed to be spending time with my loved ones. Running from place to place, watching my godsons growing, and enjoying time with the ones I love has been amazing. In the past year, I've truly realized how blessed I am. A year ago, things weren't the best. I wasn't at a very good place in life, but was beginning to figure things out. Now, I look back, and realize just how good I really have it. I have a lot to be thankful for!

Many of you were here for me, kept my spirits up, and supported me through the good and bad times. I will ALWAYS be thankful for this. God bless each and every one of you who left me words of kindness, love, and support when I needed it most.

There are many times I've thought of just giving up my blog, then I remember all the people whom I've come to know and love through blogger. When you bond with others through a blog, it truly is family. As the time grows closer to Thanksgiving, I always take time to remember the things I'm thankful for-- so you, Meow Meow (Rebecca), Barn Goddess, Deb, Natalia, Brian, Nancy, Greta, Pinkie, Turtle Guy, Mississippi Songbird (Stephanie), Cheryl, Chel, and ALL others who have loved and supported me, I thank you!

In closing, I'm going to leave you with a few pics from my latest happening and outings! Much love!

October Update

2007-10-22T14:41:00.000-04:00

Finally, a chance to breathe! Since I've been back, it's been non-stop chaos! The first part of the trip went great. I really enjoyed seeing our brand new nephew, Colin. The best part, was I had a baby, in a bar! Just like in Sweet Home Alabama! The town my sister-in-law lives in is so small, that the only place to sit down and eat is at the local bar-- so that's where we had our lunch after church on sunday.

On that monday, Chris and I went to the Minnesota Zoo. It was a LOT colder up there than down here in TN. It rained on us the first part of the day, but the afternoon turned out to be really nice.

We arrived home earlier than expected due to some "family drama". I wish I could get into that here, but I can't-- let's just say that Chris and I are doing great, but there are some problems with the in-laws, and we just left instead of a big scene erupting. It made life a lot easier.

As soon as I got back home, it was time to start preparing for our Fall Festival at Church:

As you can see, it went very well! Right after that, was our annual Haunt Masters Club Halloween Party. By the time we had the actual party, I was absolutely exhausted, but still had a great time. I put a too much time into my Queen Anne Boleyn costume NOT to have a good time!

I hope everyone has been doing well- I'll be making my rounds this evening!

Headed Out...

2007-10-04T23:13:00.000-04:00

To Minnesota for almost 3 weeks. The in-laws only have dial-up, so the chances of an update while I'm up there are slim to none-- catch up with ya'll when I get back! :0)

Homecoming 2007

2007-09-25T14:13:00.000-04:00

I now know why I haven't been to a high school football game since I graduated. The sister of a dear friend of mine was nominated for homecoming queen. I did her makeup and went to the game to support her. EVERYWHERE Abbie and I tried to sit, people kept saying, "Someone is sitting here," or "This seat is saved"--- we ALL paid the same damn five dollars for general admission. The first four rows are GENERAL ADMISSION, NO RESERVED SEATS. I was livid. Luckily, Abbie's parents had found someone who had reserved seats that weren't going to be there, so we were able to sit for the first two quarters.

At half-time, we snuck down onto the sidelines to take some pictures of Chelsey. She came in 5th. I was disappointed for her, but very proud. Out of a student body of almost 1000 she was in the homecoming court, which is definitely something to be proud of!

My favorite part of it all, was getting to ride in a convertible. Abbie had borrowed a convertible (which we ended up not using for the parade-- LONG story), so we got to ride around in it.

It felt so good! I reminded me of days gone by-- when I had my precious "Cammy".

On sunday, Chris and I went out to lunch, and to see the new Halloween movie. If you're a Halloween fan, you'll be disappointed by Michael Myers "as we know him", however, the first half of the movie is excellent. It pretty much tells the entire story of how Michael Myers became the psychotic killer he is today. After the movie, and all week, I've been so thankful. Thankful that things aren't the way they were a year ago.

A year ago at this time, my life SUCKED. My marriage sucked, and I worked at Sprint. Right now, I would be sitting in a classroom learning how to kiss ass, talk about others, and be tortured for 8 hours a day. I would go home feeling worse each day. I learned the true meaning of humility when I worked there. I thank God everyday that I don't EVER have to go back there. I was so thankful this morning when I woke up, and all I had to do was empty my dishwasher. I didn't have to get in my car at 5am, drive for over and hour to reach hell-- spend 8 hours there, and them come home beaten down.

I'm so thankful for each day, and all that I have. Take some time today and look around at all you have. Be thankful no matter what.

Ok, Let's Try It Again...

2007-09-17T13:59:00.000-04:00

I know. It's been forever. I am back, and going to make every attempt to post a couple of times a week-- and if nothing else, at least once a week. I was thinking last night about all of my blog friends. I really miss you guys. You were here for me through the good times, and the bad-- sending love and support across the miles. It's really meant a lot to me. I've come to know some wonderful people from all walks of life. Some of us have so much in common, other, nothing, but we all share one common bond- a blog. We're here to support each other, and give encouragement whenever it's needed.

I don't know if I've taken the time to really thank you, my blog friends, for all you've done for me. Last year at this time, my life was shit. I was working for satan, I mean Sprint, my husband was on strike, our marriage was shit-- my life sucked. I knew, no matter how much things sucked at home, I could come here for love and support from my blog friends. Ya'll have been here for me through the good times and the bad-- and I thank you for that.

I'm going to be making my rounds, and checking in on everybody. So much has been going on-- instead of flooding with pics go HERE to see pics and small descriptions of where I've been and what I've been doing.

Much Love to ALL!

I Know, I Suck As A Blogger...

2007-08-03T20:28:00.001-04:00

But I don't suck as much as Blogger does *L*

Once again, you'll be seeing my month in pictures! What a busy month it has been! I just got back from the beach at the end of June, when my cousin, Holly, had her baby! Madison was a month early, but healthy. We were all thankful for that!

Ann, a dear friend, from church, moved to a retirement home in Mississippi at the end of the month. We had a nice luncheon for her at the Coffee Company in Elizabethton. It was so sad to see her go. She's been a member of my church my entire life. I'm really gonna miss her.

I did lots of swimming and sunning! We had a cookout on the 4th of July with my family and some friends from church. Later on in the month, I went with my best friend, Jen, to her Aunt Jan's house for a cookout, and swimming.

Speaking of cookouts-- we had a great one with my friends from our paranormal group, The Haunt Masters Club.

My mom was off for a week! Yay! I got together with her, and my aunt, Judy, to go looking at some shops in Jonesborough. Jonesborough is the oldest town in Tennessee, and has lots of neat shops. I espeically enjoyed the candy store-- I got a bag of Jelly Belly's! I love those things! Of course-- they have the infamous "Speed Hump" signs. It's not a "Speed Bump", it's a "Speed Hump" *LOL*

The weather hasn't been exactly nice here the past couple of weeks-- lots of rain, and little sunshine :0(-- BAD for the tan! Luckily, we caught a break, yesterday, and went to Splash Country for the day! It was so hot, I thought I was going to die!

I haven't forgotten about everyone, just been incredibly busy! I hope everyone has been having a great summer! *hugs and love*

Jen, trying on glasses at Splash Country-

Me, At Splash Country

Me, and Caleb At Splash Country

Me, at Dina's house with the "Epitome of Luxury" pillow!

Self-Portrait-- Look how the sun has bleached my hair!

Me, Jen, and Caleb at Jan's Cookout

Lauren, Holly, and Me, at Jan's

Me and Justin at the Haunt Master's Picnic

Karen and Me at the Haunt Master's Picnic

Me at the Haunt Master's Picnic

Speed Hump! In Jonesborough

Me, In Jonesborough with my prized Dooney Bee!

Me, and Ann at her Luncheon

The Ladies of St. Thomas

Me, and Daddy

Me, and Madison

Me, and my cousin, TJ

Me, Jules and Wooz

Me, and Monger (Jen) at Jan's House

Me, Aunt Judy, and Jules

A LONG Update...

2007-06-30T23:34:00.000-04:00

Where to begin? I just got back from the beach (Myrtle Beach, SC) which was a BLAST! It was just me and my aunt, Judy, so we pretty much did whatever we wanted. The week consisted of lots of time in the ocean and laying in the sun! I must say, I'm definitely proud of my tan! Although, I had been working on in all month, before I headed to the beach.

While at the beach, I rode a giant banana in out in the ocean. It doesn't look like much while you're in the ocean playing around, but let me tell you, riding that thing is a trip and a half! It's ROUGH! I nearly fell off twice, and I had to hold on for dear life just to stay on. It was definitely an experience, and fun, but kinda scary!

We went to an exhibit in Barefoot Landing, where you were able to hold a baby tiger. Of course, you KNOW I was all about that. My aunt and I paid $40.00 to have our pictures made with the cub. I've gotta get those scanned so ya'll can see! On our last day, we went to Alligator Adventure, a reptile park, in Barefoot Landing as well. I'm an animal person, so of course, I loved it, too! Bob, the little alligator born without a tail, was my favorite! And to end my animal adventure, I had to pose by the "Bunny Ranch" *LOL* Ok, just couldn't resist that one!

Prior to going to the beach, my life had been hectic! I had been on the go constantly! On the thursday prior to the beach, I spent the day with my best friend, Jen, and my godsons in Splash Country It was a lot of fun, but just too crowded! Guess that's just this time of year!

On friday, I went to a party at my friend J.J's house. I hadn't seen her in a long time, and was able to reconnect with some friends with high school. Of course, we acted like complete idiots *LOL*

The weekend before, I went with my friend, Jules, from church, searching for a wedding dress. She's getting married in April of next year, and wanted to start looking for a dress now. We went to a few places in search of the perfect dress. While we were looking, just out of curiosity, I thought I'd see if there was anything that *might* fit me. Well, there were some dresses that were a size 26, a FAR cry from the size 34 that my wedding was. Jules suggested that I try one on, just for the fun of it. I know I've lost weigh, but it's really not *yet* sunk in how *MUCH* weight I've lost. No only did the 26 fit, but they fit PERFECTLY. It felt so good to truly *FEEL* beautiful in a wedding gown.

When I got married, I was so sick, and felt like a blimp walking down the aisle. To just be able to put on a gown and feel beautiful felt wonderful!

As you can see from the pictures and post-- It's been a VERY busy summer! Sorry for the blog neglect-- you've been in my thoughts and prayers. I haven't forgotten about anyone, and right now, although the posts are few and far between, there will be more as the summer winds down! *hugs and love*

Gone To The Beach...

2007-06-25T06:50:00.000-04:00

Be back friday with pictures and stories...

Once again, SO sorry for being a bad, and neglectful blogger. I will be catching up with everyone, soon!

My Summer Begins... With Vertigo

2007-06-03T18:21:00.000-04:00

Would it happen any other way for me? After the hospital ordeal, and strep throat, I now have Vertigo. I've had it since tuesday, with no signs of it leaving. Sighs. Although, I can't drive, I have been able to get out the past two days to enjoy myself.

I attended my first luncheon with the women of the Daughters of the Confederacy. I had a wonderful time, even though I was the youngest person there, by literally, about 30 or 40 years. I'm not an official member, yet. I don't have my family tree and documentation complete. There are some really interesting women who are members of the group. Four of the ladies grandfathers were soldiers for the Confederacy in the war. I was in shock! I had no idea that there were people living who had grandparents fighting in the war between the states. That's just wild!

Then, today, we celebrated my godson, Luke's 1st birthday! His actual birthday was on May 23rd, but Jen couldn't get everything and everybody together until today. As always, I have pictures to share!

I'll be making my rounds tonight, and this week. I know my post are few and far between, but with summer here, writing is harder. I haven't forgotten about anyone, though-- I still love ya'll!

My Weekend...

2007-05-21T22:55:00.000-04:00

In Pictures...

Still Around...

2007-05-18T16:42:00.000-04:00

Alive, and finally recovering from strep throat (yes, on TOP of all the fun I've had with the Procardia incident, I've had strep all week long.) I'm headed to Nashville with my best friend, Jen, this evening. I'll catch back up with everyone on monday. I hope everyone has a good and safe weekend!

*Hugs and Love To ALL*

Your Next Breath... Could Be Your Last...

2007-05-13T18:45:00.000-04:00

That was my fear saturday night, as I slipped in and out of consciousness on the exam table at the hospital. I didn't know what was wrong. All I DID know, was I was burning up, I couldn't breathe, and it was a fight to stay conscious. I couldn't sign my name, hell, I didn't even know my name. What, *we thought*, started out as a severe panic attack escalated to much more.

On friday, I had my well woman exam with Dr. Crowder. Everything looked GREAT! She gave us the green light to begin trying to have children. The only problem: I was on an ace inhibitor, which is KNOWN to cause birth defects. I needed to switch to something a little "safe", if I was going to get pregnant. She prescribed me Procardia (if you have PCOS and take Glucophage/Metaformim REMEMBER THAT NAME). I got it filled, and took my first one yesterday morning. I felt like I was taking a sinus infection, so I didn't feel good to begin with. I took a nap, and woke up ice cold. I was going to the bathroom every few minutes, and couldn't get warm. When I got warm, I was burning hot. NOTHING could cool my face and neck.

I began to panic. I thought I was dying. I was so dizzy, I couldn't walk on my own. I was so nauseated, I thought I'd die. Then, I drifted in and out of consciousness. By the time I was wheeled back to a room, it was a fight for me to stay awake. My Momma and aunt were the only people with me. I felt decent enough earlier in the day, and told Chris to go fishing with Daddy. I had NO idea this would happen.

A nurse comes in, and puts a port in my arm. I was nervous, but didn't even feel it. I was injected with sodium and toradol immediately. I was so dehydrated, there was no saliva in my mouth, only mucus from my draining sinuses. Every time I moved my head, I was in so much pain, I was frozen. What happened next, brought everything into perspective for me.

The doctor ordered a brain scan. A brain scan. Does he think I have a tumor? Do I have cancer? The sodium had taken effect, and I was somewhat coherent. I understood what was happening to me. As the doctor wheeled me back to the small, dark room where I was to have the scan, my entire life flashed before me. I have so much to live for. Only a day before, I had watched my godson graduate from Kindergarten, what if that was the last graduation I'd see? What if I never got to see him grow up? What about my husband? We've been through so much, and our marriage is better than ever-- what would happen to him if I died? What about my parents and aunt? Burying their only child would destroy them.

As the machine whirled around my head, I saw the faces of everyone I loved. The thought that I might only have a year, month, or day with them was overwhelming. The, now, pain in my arm from the port was nothing in comparison to the pain in my heart. A year ago, I prayed every night that God would take me peacefully in my sleep. My life was shit. I had no desire to go on, but now, now I have every reason in the world to live.

The 15 minutes it took to get the results back where the longest 15 minutes of my life. When the doctor told me all of my scans/bloodwork were normal, I was so relieved. It turns out, that Procardia and Glucophage/Metaformin are NEVER to be taken together- EVER. I had EVERY side effect of Procardia BUT DEATH. Yes, what I took, for all intents and purposes, could've killed me. Every breath I took with that medicine in my system, could've been my last. Luckily, it wasn't. Had I been a "smaller person," I'd be willing to bet, I'd be dead.

I've learned so much in the past year-- and even more in the past 24 hours. Take NOTHING FOR GRANTED-- NOTHING. Every breath is precious.

Congrats To Caleb!

2007-05-11T23:50:00.000-04:00

My precious godson, Caleb, graduated from kindergarten today! I'm so proud of him!!!

The Happy Valley Elementary Kindergarten Class of 2007:

7 Things... And More!

2007-05-10T01:23:00.000-04:00

First, I've been Tagged by Mississippi Songbird to give 7 things about me that no one knows:

1. I never learned how to ride a bike.

2. I'm afraid of flying.

3. I can't sleep without the tv on and a fan blowing on me.

4. I have a playboy bunny permanently "tanned" into the side of my left calf from tanning with a "bunny" sticker there for many years.

5. I eat ranch dressing with pizza.

6. I won't smoke a non-menthol cigarette (if I smoke).

7. I always lock the door immediately after I walk into my house. (I don't live in a high crime area or anything like that, it's just a strange "quirk" I have.

I hope ya'll enjoyed those "nuggets" of joy! :0) On to updates! Things have been nuts! Last week when I went to see Dr. Crowder, she was THRILLED with my weight loss! So happy, in fact, that she took me off of the low dose of blood pressure medication she had me on. Well, unfortunately, that was a really BAD idea. I spent most all of last week with severe headaches and was so lethargic that I could barely get out of bed. I felt MISERABLE. I broke down on sunday and took it. Needless to say, I'm feeling 100% better! I go back to see her on friday, so I'm going to talk to her then about what to do, BECAUSE, I want to reproduce.

Yes, you heard me correctly, I'm wanting to get pregnant. Now, whether or not that will happen or not is a different story (due to the PCOS/IRS), but I'm going to talk to her about my options and what I need to do. I've been doing a lot of research about the medications I'm on for PCOS and pregnancy, and so far everything I HAVE to be on is looking really good (as far as being "safe" during pregnancy). So, wish us luck there!

On friday, my godson, Caleb, graduates from Kindergarten! I'm so excited! Chris and I were really wanting to do something special for him, but we don't have a lot of extra money this week, so I think he's getting a card with money and a trip to McDonald's instead of Chuck E. Cheese like I'd previously planned. Maybe to the park afterwards. Caleb loves to go to the park, so that might work just as well.

I'm going to make my blog rounds (as best I can). Although, I don't get to your blogs like I used to, you're ALL still in my thoughts and prayers! My blog friends are so special to me, and I thank each and every one of you who check in on me! Much Love!

I'm In Print!

2007-05-02T00:27:00.001-04:00

See HERE for details!

Living Life Once More...

2007-04-29T23:35:00.000-04:00

Each week I find myself apologizing for not being around more, and I do feel bad. I've made many friends here online, and look forward to seeing how everyone is doing. However, I've been getting back out and enjoying life again, and spending time away from home, and the computer. I had something going on each day last week, and it really felt too.

On Monday, I spent the day at my friend Susan's house. We went out to dinner that night, and had a great time. Laughing, catching up, talking-- things were just like old times.

Tuesday. Monger Day. A MUST do for the week. Spending time with my best friend and Godsons makes my week. I look forward to it every week. It doesn't matter if we do anything, just getting to spend time with Monger and the boys makes my day.

Thursday. I spent most of the day, once again at Susan's. That night, I went with her and Nikki to Cracker and Eddie's house. We spent most of the night with them, and Kevin, being crazy, as usual. We were at the Covered Bridge at 2:00am eating McDonald's food. How insane is that situation? It didn't matter, we were just glad to be out, and feeling young, like we used to.

Friday. I had my doctor's appointment at Dr. Crowders. I got to see her for the first time in a year. She was SO pleased with my weight loss and how well I'm doing! I go back on the 11th for my well-woman exam.

Saturday. I was on the run with Momma and Aunt Judy, shopping and such. Then of course, today is church day.

As you can see, I've been on the go ALL week long. I don't stop, but it feels good. It feels good to get out and enjoy life. It feels good to be able to actually feel like getting off the couch and going somewhere. I may not be around as much as I used to, but I'll still be around. I promise. I'll check in with you at least once a week to let you know I'm living!

I hope everyone has had a great weekend!

An Absolute Inspiration...

2007-04-23T00:02:00.000-04:00

As many of you know, I've struggled with my weight (greatly due to PCOS/IRS), along with many others in this world. I was bound and determined that I was going to lose the weight on my own. I wasn't taking "the easy way out" by having gastric by-pass or any other type of surgery to lose weight. I was going to do it myself.

For a little while, I've sorta been at a plateau, but then again, I haven't exactly done everything I know I should to get the rest of this weight off of me. After tonight, I know I have to, and that I CAN.

I watched a show on TLC, "The World's Heaviest Man". Manuel Uribe, of Mexico, was the world's heaviest man, weighing over 1200lbs. All he wanted was help in order to lose weight. He was offered gastric by-pass surgery in order to help him lose weight. Instead, he chose to try "The Zone Diet." In the time span of a year, he lost 200lbs-- and from what I understand, he's currently lost 395lbs! 395 ON HIS OWN! How WONDERFUL is that? A man, who was completely dependant upon others for EVERYTHING, made the choice to change his lifestyle.

I applaud him for not only trying, but sticking with a lifestyle change that has literally meant the difference between life and death. He definitely inspired me to make a difference in my life. It's up to me to make the changed needed to get the rest of my weight off. I'm so sorry that Manuel Uribe ended up as heavy as he did, but I thank him for sharing his story with us, because of him, I know what I need to do, and he gave me the inspiration I needed to do it. His motto is, "If I can do it, anyone can," and he's right. Anyone can do it, and I'm gonna do it, too!

Sorry I Haven't Been Around...

2007-04-20T23:29:00.000-04:00

I just haven't felt much like writing. After watching the tragedy at Virginia Tech all week long, it's enough to leave a person depressed. How horrible is it to have all of those poor innocent people murdered by a man who shouldn't have been allowed to roam the streets freely to begin with? It was a tragedy not only for the victims, but for the shooter as well.

Don't get me started on the lack of seriousness that's given to those who are mentally ill/unstable, and TRULY need help. MANY lives could've been and would've been saved had many who were mentally unstable been taken seriously in the past (and potentially in the future)

On a happy note, on tuesday, my godson, Caleb, was tested for, and passed the test for his yellow belt in karate. I'm SO proud of him!

I wish I had more to post about, but right now, I'm just at a loss. Does anyone else get into these "funks", too? You know, where you'd like to post, but nothing just seems to be right to write about? It happens, I suppose.

Anyway, have a great weekend, all-- I'll write again soon! :0)

My Freedom...

2007-04-16T01:35:00.000-04:00

Sorry it's been awhile since I've been able to post. I've felt like death for over a week now, and am starting to feel *somewhat* human again. While I was sick, I was so fortunate to receive something in the mail. A small plastic card, that until May 15th, of 2006, I had taken for granted. A card that gives me the freedom to go to the doctor, without having to pay an arm and a leg. A card that will allow me to be able to afford my medications, without having to rely on the union or others for help. My insurance card. I FINALLY have medical insurance once more.

I have a doctor's appointment with Dr. Crowder for my well-woman exam on the 27th, and I'm ecstatic! I haven't been to see her in over a year, and I just feel so good knowing I'm able to go and get the care I need. I will NEVER again, take this for granted.

As thankful as I am to have health insurance, my heart truly bleeds for those who don't. The working poor, the disabled, and those who just simply don't have access to it- my heart goes out to them. I know what it's like to live in fear of something going wrong, or not knowing how you're going to pay for your health care or medicine. Luckily, my situation was only temporary, but I know there are those, who's situations could be permanent.

If you're one of those who are fortunate enough to have health insurance, don't ever take it for granted. It's one of the most precious things in this world, and something I pray I'll never be without again.

Still Sick...

2007-04-13T02:39:00.000-04:00

Just wanted to let ya'll know I'm still alive-- just not kicking. Be back as soon as I feel like a human again.

This Wasn't Supposed To Happen...

2007-04-08T11:54:00.000-04:00

As you can see, we recieved some snow on friday, going in to saturday. It's cold in Tennessee, and I'm sick. Yes, it's that time of year again. The time of year when the sinuses become infected so badly, that I'm so miserable I can't even stand myself. Needless to say, I'm really sick. I'm at home writing this instead of being at Easter Mass this morning. I made it to Maudy Thursday and Good Friday services, but not Easter. I'm pretty bummed about that-- but I also figured I'd have the decency to stay home instead of spreading the joy of my sickness to the congregation.

I'm going to make as many blog rounds as I can before I crash. Take care of yourselves. I hope you, and your families have a safe, happy, and blessed Easter!

Happy Easter...

2007-04-07T01:54:00.000-04:00

May You and Your Family have a Happy and Blessed Easter! :0)

Monger Day!

2007-04-03T23:41:00.000-04:00

Every tuesday, I get together with my best friend, Jen, for "Monger Day"-- a phrase we claimed back in 2000. Every tuesday, we would get together, go out to eat (usually to the Olive Garden) and then to the mall. On occasion, we'd hit the tanning bed, or another friends' house. All that mattered, was that it was our day to get together and have fun. In 2001, for some reason, we stopped having "Monger Day." Jen was a new mother, and I was working a lot, so, unfortunately, we stopped making time for one another.

About a year ago, after Chris went on strike, I realized just how much my friends truly mean to me. Of course, I talked to Jen, not as often as I would've liked, but I kept in touch. After the strike, I realized, that we have so little time on this earth, and we don't need to wait for something life-changing, to keep in touch and/or stay with the ones we love.

I decided that I was going to do more to be in Jen's life, and the life of my Godsons. A few weeks ago, we started picking back up with "Monger Day." We might not go out to eat, and to the mall every tuesday, but we're together, and that's what matters.

Today, we did go out to eat, and I could've have been happier! When we pulled into the Pizza Hut parking lot, we saw our friend, John (AKA: Beavis), in the drive-thru at Pal's next door. He came over and sat down with us for awhile. It was wonderful to get to visit with Beavis again! He was one of our best friends' in high school, and one we wished we'd been able to keep in touch with. He's married to a really nice young lady, and they have a little boy a month younger than Luke. We all exchanged numbers, and hope to be able to get together some this summer to go out.

I'm so thankful for the time I have with my friends, and if there's someone you love, that you haven't seen in awhile, give them a call. Don't wait. Life goes by fast, make sure you share it with the ones you love!

Random Meme...

2007-03-31T01:50:00.000-04:00

1.Whats your name spelt backwards? yrsirhc

2. What did you do last night? Went to the park with my Monger and Godsons.

3. The last thing you downloaded onto your computer? A song for my godson's blog.

4. Have you ever licked a 9 volt battery? Nope.

5. Last time you swam in a pool? At Splash Country at the end of September 2006.

6. What are you wearing? A blue nightgown

7. How many cars have you owned? 6

8. Type of music you dislike most? Most country, and rap that I just can't understand.

9. Are you registered to vote? Yes

10. Do you have cable? Who doesn't?

11. What kind of computer do you use? A Dell Laptop.

12. Ever made a prank phone call? MANY before the days of caller ID. Do you remember "anonymous phone" and "phoney phone calling?" (that's for Monger)

13. You like anyone right now? I like a lot of people. I love just one (since I'm married to him ;0)

14. Would you go bungee jumping or sky diving? Sure.

15. Furthest place you ever travelled? Western Montana

16.Do you have a garden? Who? Me? You've gotta be kidding.

17. What's your favorite comic strip? Garfield.

18. Do you know all the words to the national anthem? Yes.

19. Shower, morning or night? Night. Can't get into bed without taking a shower.

20. Best movie you've seen in the past month? Madagascar. The BEST comedy ever!

21. Favorite pizza toppings? Pepperoni!

22. Chips or popcorn? Chips.

23. What cell phone provider do you have? Satan company, I mean, Sprint. (Satan lives at exit 7, Bonham Road, he's there.)

24. Have you ever smoked peanut shells? No, but I have smoked Diviners Sage, and it's awesome!

25. Have you ever been in a beauty pageant? Yes. I've won many.

26. Orange Juice or apple? Hawaiian Punch

27. Who were the last people you sat at lunch with? Monger and my Godsons.

28. Favorite chocolate bar? 3 Musketeers or Snickers.

29. Who is your longest friend and how long? Monger, 17 years.

30. Last time you ate a homegrown tomato? Last summer.

31. Have you ever won a trophy? Yes.

32. Favorite artist? Degas.

33. Favorite computer game? Spongeseek.

34. Ever ordered from an infomercial? I'm embarassed to admit it, but yes. I ordered that Dermacia shit, and it's worthless.

35. Sprite or 7-UP? 7-Up

36. Have you ever had to wear a uniform to school/work? Yes, I had to wear a uniform to Generic Land, I mean, Save-a-Lot, and to Merle Noman Cosmetics, and Elizabeth Arden Cosmetics (Proffitts).

37. Last thing you bought at the store? Random groceries.

38. Ever thrown up in public? Yes.

39. Would you prefer being a millionaire or finding true love? A millionaire. It would help me find true love a helluva lot easier (that is if I didn't have it already), so now, give me the damn money!

40. Do you believe in love at first sight? No.

41.Can exes just be friends? Absolutely! I'm friends with some of my exes!

42. Who was the last person you visited in the hospital? Verna (words can't express how much I miss her)

43. Did you have long hair as a young kid? Short, unfortunately, my mother thought I should have a haircut like Dorothy Hamill.

44. What message is on your voicemail machine? Something generic telling people I'll call them back.

45. Where would you like to go right now? To a swimming pool and swim.

(I'll be making my blog rounds tonight and tomorrow! I've had a VERY busy week, and unfortunately, now, I'm sick :0( So, it's nothing personal that I haven't been around much lately...

On A Lighter Note...

2007-03-28T00:42:00.000-04:00

I've ranted and raved quite a bit in the past few weeks, so I thought I'd post some things on a lighter note-- Fun with my friends Michael, Monger, and my Godsons, Caleb and Luke-- Enjoy!

All Who Believe This, Raise Your Hand...

2007-03-24T02:21:00.000-04:00

As I'm sure you can see, my hand isn't raised. Why you ask? I mean, everyone knows that love is romance, sex and all that jazz, right? Wrong. As you women, we're exposed to these images, telling us that this is what love is supposed to be like. We're supposed to find that someone who will roll on the beach with us, hold hands, and make us feel like Cinderella every day of our lives, when in reality, that doesn't happen.

Sure, in the beginning of a relationship, typically, men will go out of their way to make you feel special and shower you with gifts, affection, and whatever they can to make sure they keep you. Once you're past the "wooing" stage, the "Cinderella" dream goes out the window, and even more so once you get married-- and then you look around and think, "what the hell happened?" "It wasn't supposed to be this way!" When, in reality, it is. The cold hard reality of life is, that romance doesn't last forever. Passion doesn't last forever. Love does.

You have to work to keep passion and romance in a relationship. It doesn't just keep on keeping on because you've been together for 10, 20, or 50 years. You have to make it happen. Your husband or boyfriend probably won't come home with roses for no reason forever. He probably won't shower you with lavish gifts and affection, just because. It doesn't mean he doesn't love you, it just means that he's comfortable with you-- he doesn't have anything to prove anymore.

Love changes. It's constantly changing. Love is taking out the garbage, going to get you something to eat when you don't want to leave the house, sitting up with your sick cat, or just listening to you when you need to "get it out." There's so much more to love than just passion. After all, when you're not in bed, you'd damn well better have something to talk about, because if you don't, you don't have much of anything.

Exhausted...

2007-03-21T21:19:00.000-04:00

After yesterday, I am absolutely exhausted. I'm still trying to recover from the weekend, and then, I ran myself to death yesterday. Back in 2000, my best friend, Jen (AKA: Monger), had what we called "Monger Day", every tuesday. We would go out to eat, to the mall, and back to her house to just hang out. It was our day to get together and do what we wanted to. So, sunday night, I called my Monger, and told her we should have lunch at the Olive Garden on tuesday, and that I'd come over afterwards, and spend some time with her and the boys. We were both really excited! It's been a LONG time since we've had a "Monger Day".

I actually got my lazy ass out of bed at 8:30am yesterday morning. I was going to Nancy and Timmy's to get my nails done. I got there a few minutes before 10:00am. The place was locked down, and no lights were on. I was surprised. They didn't open until 10:00am, so I waited. I finally left at fifteen after, when no one arrived. I was frustrated, but worried. I've been going to them for years, so I hope nothing is/was wrong.

I really wanted my nails done, so I broke down and went into the mall. I was actually able to get right in, and get them done. By the time I was finished getting my nails done, it was time to meet Monger for lunch. I met her and Luke at the Olive Garden. We had a great lunch, and I ended up way too stuffed (as usual). How funny is it, that after we ate, Jen asked if I cared to run to the mall with her. A typical Monger Day, ending up at the mall. We browsed through JC Penny's where Jen found a few tops, and I got a sundress and two tops (courtesy of Monger's Penny's card-- THANK YOU MONGER!!!) We got to see my cousin, Joey (AKA: Gig). We were all best friends in high school, running around everywhere together. It was good to get to visit with him for awhile.

After we left the mall, Jen was going to the school to pick up Caleb, and I decided to run my leftovers home to Chris. I felt so bad when I got home, I almost called Monger and told her I was going to come over another day. I had been up all night long, the night before, coughing, and I felt like I was trying to take a cold. I knew Caleb would be so disappointed if I didn't come over, so I got my ass off of the couch and went.

I'm SO glad I did. Aside from getting to spend some time with my Monger and Godsons, some freak came up to her door, telling her his car was broken down in her driveway, and could he use her phone. He just WALKED into her house, and started looking around while he used the phone. Needless to say, we got his ass out of the house ASAP, and locked all of the doors. Come to find out, he's been arrested several times. Monger's husband knew who the guy was, and couldn't believe the guy just came up in the house! The guy got the car started, and left. We were thankful to be rid of the freak.

Just when you think my day is possibly over, it's not. My aunt is an elementary music teacher.

This time of year, the woman is absolutely unbearable to live with. I have two words. Show Choir. It's wonderful, but stresses my aunt out MAJORLY. I still haven't figured that one out yet, because the program went wonderfully last night, but for some reason, the aunt just goes ballistic. Ok, I got a little off track, but to get back on track, after I left Monger's I had to go to her show choir performance. Like I mentioned, it went really well.

The kids did great, and the aunt survived, although, by the time it was over, I felt so miserable, that I wasn't sure if I was going to.

I came home, and made great friends with my couch. This is why, I haven't been around much this week. I promise to do better, when I actually feel like a human again!

Weekend Update...

2007-03-18T13:40:00.000-04:00

Yes, it's been awhile since I've posted. I've had ALL kinds of excitement this week! First off, thanks to all for your comments-- I really appreciate them, and all of the support you've given me (us) while Chris has been on strike. It's truly meant a lot!

On to my week(end). After hearing the great news, my Aunt Judy took us out to dinner to celebrate! We enjoyed a nice "early bird" dinner at Fatz Cafe. Yeah, you know, we're getting old we wanted to go early so we wouldn't have to deal with the dinner rush. Regardless, it was a really nice dinner. The weather was just so beautiful! It was 80 degrees, and the spring fever bug had bitten me.

After we ate, I didn't want to go home, so, I headed up to my best friend, Jen AKA: Monger's house to visit with her and my god-sons. Luke is just beginning to crawl,

and I was thrilled I could be there to see it! With the weather being so beautiful, I went outside with Caleb to jump on the trampoline. You know, a woman with big breasts just shouldn't jump on a trampoline. I ended up just bouncing a little-- jumping wasn't pretty-- BUT at least I was able to get on one. This time last year, I couldn't have (thank you weight loss! Yay!)

On friday, our paranormal group had an investigation at a private residence (so I can't divulge any information on that), all I can say is that I didn't get home until 1am, and had to be up at 6am on saturday morning.

Yes, I had somewhere around 3 hours of sleep when I woke up saturday morning. I felt pretty good at the time, because it felt like I had taken a nap. My friend, Justin, and a fellow member of the paranormal group picked me up. We went to Surgoinsville to meet up with two other members, Steve and Karen. From there, we headed out to Stanley Valley to see the grave of a man who had been dead for 5 days before anyone found him. He was pretty much a hermit, and was buried where they found him. Hunters in the area reported strange activities taking place around the gravesite, so we thought we'd investigate.

Sounds great, right? Well, sorta. It was supposed to be a 30 minute walk into the woods. Uh. NO. It was an hour and a half, 4 mile walk up the side of one mountain, down another, up another mountain, and down before we got to the grave. I was literally so sore I thought I was going to die. After having to straddle a tree (I mean to tell you, that tree got some action) to get on this old logging road, I asked how much further it was going to be. The "guide" said, "it's just over the hill." The hill was a huge ass mountain. I am not EVEN kidding. I climbed the mountain.

Even though I was absolutely exhausted, it was worth it. The tombstone of the man was amazingly well preserved for the age.

His date of death was in 1922. We had an absolutely AWESOME bonus, in addition to finding his grave. There were TONS of Indian burial sites. (The picture doesn't do it justice.)

As someone from Cherokee ancestry, I found it fascinating. I've always had a great respect for our Native people, and to find untouched burial mounds was a great honor.

After climbing for what seemed like an eternity, we had to go back down the mountain. Now, since I had NO IDEA we were hiking, I had on crocs, which, aren't exactly the best shoes to hike in-- and I found that out the hard way. I slide down the mountain. About 5 or 6 expletives later, poor Justin is pulling me up. My ass was COVERED in mud. I was wet, and miserable, but I kept on. Once we reached the tree I had to molest in order to even get up the mountain, I decided to mark my territory with the mud on the back of my pants.

When we all got back to the car, I took off my pants, and rode with my sweatshirt on, and jacket covering my lap. God bless my dear friend, Justin, for going in to hell, I mean, Wal-Mart, and getting me a pair of sweatpants so that I could continue our day of fun.

After hiking, we were going to investigate one of our favorite sites- the Midway Plantation.

When we arrived, my heart was absolutely broken. They're in the process of tearing it down. Here's what's left of it.

So very, very sad.

Needless to say, today, I didn't go to church. I'm not exactly doing a lot of anything. It's a little hard to move (I've pulled several muscles in my legs from walking and fall (more from the fall).

As you can see, I've been really busy this week/end. Hope you're has been just as fun, but much safer than mine!

My Hell Is Finally Over...

2007-03-14T15:00:00.000-04:00

And, it's my 200th post! What a day! After 10 months of hell, hoping and praying-- my hell is over. Chris got his letter today, calling him back to work on April 2nd. We'll have health insurance sometime in May. I can breathe a little easier, knowing I'm not going to have to worry about how we're going to pay the bills, or how in the world I'm going to go to the doctor. For the first time in a year, I'm going to get to go to Dr. Crowder, and get the health care that I need.

Although our hell is over, there are still many who are still out of work, and need our thoughts and prayers. For all of you who have kept us in your thoughts and prayers-- thank you. It really means a lot.

In closing, I'm going to share with you, some things I took for granted, and never will again...

I took for granted being able to go to the grocery store, and buy what we needed, without having to worry about whether or not we'd have the money to pay for it.

I took for granted, having health insurance.

I took for granted, going out to eat and to a movie on the weekend.

I took for granted, being able to go to McDonald's or any fast food place whenever I wanted.

I took for granted, being able to go get my nails done.

I took for granted, being able to fill up my car with gas.

I took for granted, that my medicine would always be there, and that I'd be able to pay for it.

I took for granted, so many things that on any given day would seem trivial to some, and huge to others.

I pray, that I will never forget where I've been, and that I'll never be there again.

PS: On a light-hearted note-- for those of you who were asking about my "stripper pictures", those were taken at a friend's house, in their game room. The guys are two of my best friends, Justin (blonde hair), and Michael: AKA: Penny Meat Patty (brown hair).

Confessions From A Self-Proclaimed Packrat...

2007-03-13T18:46:00.000-04:00

I've been on a cleaning tangent for the past couple of months. Cleaning out my house, and my parents house of all the things I've accumulated over the years. I'm the type of person who can't let go of ANYTHING. The week before last, I took 3 huge trashbags of purses out of my house, and still have more than I need. I keep things that I so don't need. Brochures, magazines, make-up cases, toys, and that's only the beginning.

It was only recently that I realized, I could let go of these things. I held onto things because they held memories for me. I finally realized that, it's ok to let them go, that other people could make their own memories with my things-- and even better than that, when I donate them, people who, most likely, wouldn't be able to afford these things are able to have them to make their own memories. It really makes me happy to be able to give to others, while cleaning the clutter out of my life.

So, if you're a packrat, like I was, it's OK to let things go. Hold onto the things that are really special to you, but let go of the rest. Give them to others to make memories with, too!

What It's Like...

2007-03-09T13:44:00.000-05:00

To live with PCOS.

Many of you who know me, probably know I have PCOS/IRS or Poly Cystic Ovarian Syndrome with Insulin Resistance Syndrome. That's a mouthful, huh? I was born with this horrible condition, and went un-diagnosed and un-treated for 23 painful years. For those of you who are over-weight, or were and over-weight child, you know the pain all too well. Imagine, if you were one of those children, yet, you did NOTHING to make yourself that way? Just imagine, eating a NORMAL, HEALTHY diet, like everyone else, yet, you gain weight in leaps and bounds. You're active, and lively, yet, you never lose a pound.

I can remember at 8 years of age, leaving Dr. Perry's office in tears. He scolded me for being fat, and treated me as if I was lazy and ate a horrible diet. It broke my parents heart. How do you put a child on a diet, that barely eats anything to begin with? How do you force a child to exercise, when she's already spending her days swimming, running around outside, and playing? It made no sense to anyone.

After that, I didn't see a doctor again until age 15. I would've have seen one then, if it *literally* wasn't a matter of life or death. In my teenage years, I was very active. I was heavier than most of the people I went to school with, but always very confident. I had accepted that I was an over-weight woman, and I was beautiful, no matter what. In PE one day, we were playing volleyball in the auxiliary gym. I was on the back row. A dear, precious friend of mine, was in front of me. He went back to hit the ball. He didn't realize I was behind him, and slammed into me. I hit the concrete wall HARD. Then, then I hit the concrete floor HARD. I was sore, but I thought I was ok.

Wrong. The pain in the time span of a week got so bad, that I couldn't walk from the bedroom to the bathroom without a walker. Finally, what was troubling me made it's appearance. A terrible cyst (a "symptom of PCOS) that had been growing deep inside of my body for (what the doctors estimate) between 12 and 15 years had ruptured. I was bed-ridden for about a month, and very sick. When the doctor told me that there would be NO chance of me playing volleyball, softball, tennis, or cheerleading, my world crashed down. I couldn't play any of these sports, because I couldn't risk taking a fall like that again, or "ripping" my skin. I know, I failed to mention that they cut an inch and a half of skin off of me in the emergency room when the cyst ruptured.

After this, I became depressed. Before the cyst, I had been taking step aerobics, twice nightly at Wellness Aerobics in Elizabethton. I worked my ass off, and ate less than 500 calories a day. I felt great! I looked good! I had gone from a size 24 to a size 14! What an accomplishment! Ask me how much weight I lost. Not ONE POUND. Not a damn pound came off of me, and for the next 8 years, the pounds added up.

After graduating high school, things went down hill, very fast. Each year from 1996, to 2003, I gained weight in excess of 375lbs. I was lethargic ALL the time. Getting out of my bed was *literally* a chore. Fighting off infection, was only something I'd heard of. If someone around me was sick, I was sick. I wasn't just sick for a few days, I was sick for a few weeks-- even months on occasion. I developed acne, and felt all around miserable.

It wasn't until 2003, that someone FINALLY cared enough to ask me WHY I was over-weight, instead of assuming that I was just some fat, lazy slob. God Bless You, Dr. Brenda Crowder, for asking me. When I told her I hadn't had but 2 periods in a year, she knew automatically what she was going to test me for. After the blood test results were given to me, I FINALLY felt some relief. There was relief in being able to put a name to what was wrong with me. There was finally a name for WHY I was fat, depressed, lethargic, and feeling hopeless.

The diagnosis was ONLY the beginning. I had no idea what the road to treatment was going to be like. There is NO CURE for PCOS/ PCOS/IRS. There is ONLY treatment available, and let me tell you, the treatment is rough. For many years, the only treatment women were able to have was in the form of a pill called Glucophage (Metaformin). It's a pill that's typically used by diabetics to help them absorb their insulin. It's very rough on your stomach, and liver, not to mention the fact that I threw up so violently, that I couldn't speak, or get out of the bed on my own the first month I began to take it.

Through the sickness, I was thankful. I was just glad that I was going to get well, or so I thought. I lost a little bit of weight, but the insulin just wasn't coming down. I got sicker, and sicker. It got so bad, that I wasn't able to work. I had panic attacks so bad, that I wouldn't leave the house, alone. I was depressed, and felt hopeless. When I looked in the mirror, I didn't recognize the person looking back at me. That wasn't Christy. That was a bloated human vessel, holding a young soul hostage.

In 2005, I was at the worst point. My insulin was so high, and I was so hot all the time. I can still remember my co-workers and managers at Proffitts' fanning me with flyers while I sat at the Clinique bay, begging me not to pass out. Yes, I would get so hot I would nearly pass out at any given time. 50 degrees wasn't EVEN considered cold (inside a home) for me.

Dr. Crowder didn't know what to do. She referred me to Dr. Joseph Kennedy (REMEMBER THAT NAME, IN MY OPINION THIS MAN IS A FRIUTCAKE AND SHOULD NOT POSSESS A LICENSE TO PRACTICE MEDICINE) who is a "so called" specialist in PCOS. I had to fill out a 15 page survey about my health and mail it back before I could even go see him. I was sick, and desperate, so I filled out this survey, and went to see him.

I walk into the office. The man doesn't know who I am, or why I'm there. After telling him THREE TIMES, I'm NOT there for infertility, I'm there for PCOS, he informs me that there's no other option than gastric by-pass. I told him, unless he told me that I was going to die RIGHT NOW without that surgery, there was NO WAY IN HELL I was having gastric by-pass. I could do it myself, I just needed to get my insulin down so I COULD lose weight. Telling him this was like speaking to a wall. He proceeded to preach to me for another 15 minutes about gastric by-pass. I got up and left. I called Dr. Crowder the following monday and scheduled an appointment.

She was appalled by what I told her. I had been reading up about a new injection, Byetta, that was used in diabetic patients to produce a certain amount of insulin each time they ate, and stopped when they had the amount of insulin they needed. I begged Dr. Crowder to let me try it. I told her, I'd be her guinea pig. I didn't care. If it didn't work, it didn't work. I didn't mind being a guinea pig for her, because at least she cared, and would take care of me.

I began the Byetta in November of 2005. For about 6 months, I was extremely sick. When I ate, I wanted to die. It's like having gastric by-pass in an injection. If you over-eat (meaning, eat what is considered a "normal" portion of food) you're so sick you want to throw up, but can't. This feeling lasts for anywhere from 3 to 5 hours after eating. I began to wonder if all of this was worth it. After all, I didn't even remember what it was like to be well. I'd gotten used to being sick, and maybe it wasn't all that bad, considering what I was going through.

If I had given up, I wouldn't be here now, telling you about this. My insulin levels were so high, along with EVERYTHING in my body not functioning properly, without the Byetta, I would probably be dead. It was a long road, 6 pills and two injections a day, a little over a year later, I'm over 100lbs lighter, and I feel good for the first time in MANY years. Things are where they're supposed to be, but I'm not out of the woods. I still have bad days. There are still days where I'm lethargic. There's still the possibility that I'll never be able to have a child. There's still the fact that because of this, my life will probably be cut shorter than the average person.

I try not to think about that. I try not to look back. I've come a long way, and worked damn hard. I'm sick, and always will be, but I'm living.

I know this was a really long post, and for those who did take the time to read it, thank you. If you're someone who's suffering with PCOS, God Bless you. I feel your pain, and know your struggle. I know what it's like to look in the mirror and see the acne, the "stray" hair here and there, to have handfulls of your hair falling out daily, and not know the "fat" person staring back at you. I know all too well.

If you have PCOS or know someone who might have PCOS, help is out there. FIND a doctor who will listen to you. Don't waste your life being sick, when there is treatment out there. There is no prison worse, than living in a sick body.

Why...

2007-03-07T21:57:00.000-05:00

I've uploaded some new songs. Some have stayed the same, but the one that speaks to me the most is "Why", by Annie Lennox. That song has so many memories attached to it. Back in 1999, I would sit at the IMac at my Aunt Judy's house, and listen to the Arista Records The First 20 Years CD. This song, along with "Coming Around Again", by Carly Simon was on it. I would listen to that cd nightly while I chatted in the Cafe Chat (a chat site which is but a memory now). I met a lot of people there. Neil, Brian, Fiona, and many others. I still stay in contact with Fiona, and Brian on occasion. I was in a relationship with Neil, that was definitely no good. Ah, the memories.

Music tells a story. Through music I've loved, cried, laughed, and smiled. Take for instance, another song I have on my playlist-- "It Ends Tonight", by The All American Rejects. "Your subtleties, they strangle me. I can't explain myself at all..." How powerful are those lyrics? That song is cleansing to me. Every time I hear it, I think of Phil, and the fact that it's over. It ended. Whatever the hell it was, it's over.

Say It Right. "You don't mean nothin' to me." Powerful words. You don't mean nothin' to me. I sing that, and think of Phil, casually. Pretending he meant nothing to me. Pretending that every word of that song is true. However, the song "I'll Be There," by Joan Osborne (my FAVORITE artist) holds far more truth for me than "Say It Right" ever will, I fear.

"In Your Eyes," by Peter Gabriel. A song that played on what was supposed to be the happiest day of my life. I walked down the aisle to meet my now husband, Chris. I had an absolutely beautiful wedding. It was lavish, and luxurious, but not what I wanted. I always want more. I wasn't as beautiful as I wanted to be. I was SO fat-- and I DO mean fat. Although, looking back, my wedding wasn't everything I wanted it to be, I have fond memories of that day. Every time, I hear this song, I think of how much I love my husband, and how thankful I am, that we've made it through all we have.

"Where Are You Now?", "Kiss From A Rose", "Total Eclipse Of The Heart," and "Waterfalls"-- the theme of the year 1995. Josh, and Billy-- the loves of our (mine and Jen's) lives. We cruised Greenwood Drive, and all of Johnson City in search of them in my 1986 Subaru GL. It was a complete dinosaur, but we made it look good. Hell, we made anything look good. We were 16, what DOESN'T look good at 16? Those were the days, for sure.

"Dancing In The Moonlight" by Toploader. This song played every single day at Proffitts' in Bristol. This is one of my favorite "feel good" songs. When I hear it, I think of standing at the accessories counter with Mary, looking through the huge glass doors at the beautiful sunlight of summer, or standing at my Elizabeth Arden counter with the girls, talking and laughing. Proffitts' was, by far, my favorite job, and everytime I hear this song, I'm taken back instantly to a wonderful time in my life.

We've all had our ups and downs in life. We've all had things that were elating, and devistating happen to us, and in many of these circumstances, music has played a great part in helping us through whatever it may be. Take a moment, today, to listen to your favorite song, or turn on the radio and listen to something random. Music is far more than just a song. What are some songs that have special meaning for you?

Spend All Your Time Waiting, For That Second Chance...

2007-03-06T01:29:00.000-05:00

How much of our lives do we spend waiting? Waiting for things to change. Waiting for the big break. Waiting for a promotion. Waiting to be loved. We're always waiting for something. I've spent a great deal of my life-- waiting. I've waited for things to get better. I've waited for that perfect job. I've waited for the right time to possible start trying to have a baby. Just what the hell is it that I'm waiting for?

You know, when you're young, you can't wait to grow up. When you're in your tweens years, you can't wait to be 16, to get your drivers license and get out of the house. Then, 16 comes. At 16, you can't wait to be 18, because at 18, you can buy cigarettes, vote, and get into clubs. By most all standards, you're considered an adult. From age 18, you can't wait to be 21. Ah, 21, the liberating age where you can drink *legally*, and do what you want. You've waited all this time, hoping, aspiring, dreaming. The years fly by after you turn 21. Hell, I have no idea where 28 years have gone. The days seem to run into one another.

Back to the subject at hand, waiting. I remember something a woman said to me while I was working at Merle Norman back in 1999. She said, "I don't know why so many women in their late 20's are so bitter?" I believe I can finally answer that question. So many women in their late 20's have waited. Waited for the right one. Waited for the great job. Waited for a better opportunity to come around, instead of living in the here and now. We've waited so long for things to change, that we forgot to live in the meantime.

Living. We only get one chance at life. We may never find "the one". We may never get the "dream job" we've always wanted. We may never be able to have children. We may never be rich. The opportunities we're waiting for, may never present themselves. Does that mean we need to sit around and feel sorry for ourselves? Absolutely not! It means we need to LIVE. We need to embrace each day. We need to stop waiting for something to happen to us, and take the initiative to make it happen.

So what if we're not rich, famous, beautiful, or married to the man/woman of our dreams? Does that mean it won't happen? Maybe, maybe not, but what matters is what you do right now. Live. Right now. Pick up the phone and call a friend you haven't talked to in awhile. Take the time to notice how beautiful the stars look at night. Take the time to be thankful for where you are. No matter what your situation, it could always be worse. Never lose sight of your dreams, but don't let them cloud your life so much, that you spend your whole life waiting, instead of living.

Weekend Update...

2007-03-04T00:59:00.000-05:00

This weekend, we were *supposed* to go snow tubing with the kids from the church, but, alas the weather in good ol' Northeast TN/Western NC was too warm, and there wasn't enough snow. So, we're going to have to find another activity for the kids. They worked really hard last sunday morning at the pancake breakfast, and raised enough money to go out for a nice function (now, what the function will be, I have NO clue- yet.)

Since I had no plans, other than tubing, Chris and I decided to go out. We had dinner at Red Lobster, and I'm STILL sick. I always eat too much when we go, and I didn't take my shot before going (so I'd actually be able to eat more than 3 bites). Yeah, I know, I have to take my shot if I'm going to stay well. Gotta work on that one. Anyway, after we ate, we went to see the new movie 23. I'm not a big Jim Carrey fan, and to be honest with you, I wasn't expecting much, but it was a great movie! I won't give spoilers, so you can keep reading this post, although this is about it. I'll be back with more words of wisdom, or "nuggets of joy" soon!

For now, here's some pics from the pancake breakfast for you to enjoy :0)

Old School HNT...

2007-03-01T19:39:00.000-05:00

I'm taking it back to the old school in honor of one of my heroes...

Happy HNT everyone!

Speaking Of Love And Memories...

2007-02-27T23:39:00.000-05:00

Today, I went to visit my best friend, Jen (AKA: Monger), and my Godsons, Caleb and Luke. It was wonderful getting to spend time with them. I don't see them as often as I should, and I feel bad about that. I need to do better. As I was on my way home, I began reflecting once again. I was thinking about Phil (surprise, surprise), and how I felt about him. That started a whirlwind of thoughts swirling around in my head.

I've always heard people say, "Just because someone doesn't love you the way you want, doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have." Well, that phrase has pissed me off for years. You know, honestly, who doesn't hate to hear that? Especially, if you're on the end where you're not being loved the way you want to be? Let's be honest. I know I've been ticked off time and time again when I REALLY liked someone, that didn't (or I thought didn't) feel the same way.

As I drove, many people flashed into my mind. Marc, Bobbie, Jeff, Jeremiah, Doug, Greg, Ryan, Brad, Josh, and Phil-- damn, the list could go on for years. All of the people I've mentioned, meant a great deal to me at one point or another in my life. All of which, I either had a relationship with, or wanted to have a relationship with. What all of the names have in common, is the fact that it didn't work out. Some came to me years later, admitting they liked me back then, but things just weren't right. Some admitted that the situation just wasn't right. Others, I have no clue about. I have no clue as to how they really feel or felt.

For years, it would eat at me, wondering what I did wrong? Why didn't these people like me the way I liked them? I mean, I was smart, attractive, and friendly. I had a good personality, and was a good person. I had a lot to offer. So, why couldn't they see that? Well, it took me 28 years to figure out, they knew that already. It wasn't that they couldn't see that. These men aren't/weren't stupid. It's just that for whatever reason, it just wasn't right. There's a reason for that. I can name at least 3 of the men listed above, that I would be absolutely miserable if I had ended up with them. Is it because they're bad people? No. It's because we're complete opposites. We make GREAT friends, but would be horrible lovers, or vice versa.

I can remember each of these men (with the exception of Phil), wondering why things went wrong. I can remember being so upset that someone didn't like me, or that our relationship didn't work out. Looking back, I'm so thankful that it didn't work out. I wouldn't be where I am today. On the same note, if these people hadn't touched my life in one way or another, I wouldn't be the person I am today, either. So, thank you, to all the men who didn't love me, didn't love me the way I wanted you to, or loved me with all you had, but it just wasn't enough for me. Thank you for making me the person I am today. I really like myself, and I wouldn't be who I am, without you!

Temptation, Regret, and Memories...

2007-02-26T22:59:00.000-05:00

Maybe it's just because it's Lent and satan is battering away at me full-force (satan bites the big one), but I've once again found myself longing for something that's just no good for me. Phil. Yes, I said, Phil. Why in the world am I missing him? Things are going GREAT between me and Chris. Truly, I am happy. We're getting along, and he's treated me amazing, but nightly, I'm haunted by the visions of Phil in my dreams.

I miss seeing his face early in the morning. I would sit at my desk, and make sure that I looked flawless when he walked in. I spoke to him every morning, and craved the way he would look at me. I know I spent more time turned around in my chair, seeing if he was walking by, than actually doing the work I should've been doing.

I know that losing my job was the best thing that ever happened to me, it just haunts me. I can't explain why I miss Phil so much. Phil was just an average guy. Well, if you ask Michael about him, he'd say "Noooooooooo!" Pretty much anyone who knew that I was attracted to Phil, which was VERY few and far between, just couldn't understand it. They had no idea what in the hell I was thinking. Truly, I don't know either. Phil just ignited something inside of me. He made me feel good, desirable, and alive. I felt young again. I felt good.

I miss not seeing him. I miss the sound of his voice. I miss the way he turned red when he talked to me. I miss it all. I know it's wrong, and I feel like shit for that. I just wish I could wipe away the memories.

I've always heard people say, in the long-run, you tend to forget the bad times, and remember the good. You know, that's true. I barely remember the shame and regret I felt before I left. I barely remember not even being able to look Phil in the eye the week before I left. All of that is a blur to me. I remember everything, but the bad times. Maybe that's because I'm remembering what I want to remember. Hell, maybe everything I'm remembering was all in my head, I don't know?

All I know, is I want this man to stop haunting my dreams and memories. I'm happy with my husband, I've just got to keep Phil out of my head. I've got to keep praying...

The Faces Of Addiction...

2007-02-24T15:53:00.000-05:00

Addictions: Alcohol and Heroin

Addiction: Alcohol

Addictions: Cigarettes

Addiction: Shopping

The first three faces I believe everyone probably knows. Kurt Cobain, Courtney Love, and Anna Nicole Smith. Two out of three of these addicts are dead. Did addiction send them to their graves? Perhaps. We see people who are addicts crucified in the tabloids. We can't wait to see who's on meth this week, or who's drank themselves into a stupor at a random club, but how often to we look around at the addicts that are in our lives every day?

Addiction is a terrible thing, and more than half of Americans suffer from one form of addiction or another. That means, that chances are good, if you're reading this, you either a: are an addict, or b: you know an addict. Some addictions are more harmful than others. For instance, someone who's addicted to washing their hands every 5 minutes, is probably not going to end up in as bad of shape as someone who is having to smoke meth every 5 minutes. Does it mean that their addiction is any less of an affliction to them? Absolutely not.

I am an addict. I'm addicted to shopping. You can laugh if you'd like, honestly, I get that a lot. Unfortunately, it's true. I've bankrupted not one, but two people due to my addiction. I can't stop. I can't have credit cards. If I have them, I will max them out. There's no high in this world like buying something. Having a new purse, new shoes, new makeup-- new anything, there's nothing like it for me. I'm on a high I can't explain when I shop. Afterwards, I feel guilty, knowing I shouldn't have spent the money, and that I didn't need what I bought.

I cleaned out my closet last weekend. My closet is LITERALLY an entire bedroom. I took out 3 huge garbage bags of purses, and 3 huge garbage bags of clothes to donate. Most of which, I've never carried and/or worn. I still have 4 huge racks of clothes left, and more purses than I can count. No human should have that much stuff, but I do. I do, because I wasn't strong enough to stop myself.

It took me a long time to come to the realization that I'm an addict. Many people never realize that their addicts. My husband is an addict. He's addicted to chat rooms. If I didn't keep a program on my computer, spector software, he'd probably be chatting today. Not because he doesn't love me. Not because he's looking for someone else, but because it's a high. There's a high he gets from chatting-- the same high I get from shopping-- the same high an alcoholic gets from that first drop of alcohol hitting their tongue, the same high a drug addict gets when the drug runs through their veins. It's a high. We all chase that high. We want something to take us away from whatever reality it is we're living in. Whatever it is we're trying to escape, we use our addiction to fuel that escape.

Until one day, we realize, we're tired of living this way. We're tired of hurting others, and tired of hurting ourselves. Many fail their first time at trying to beat their addictions. Many are still failing. Many will never seek help. Many will always be recovering, and are just one step away from a fall. I am recovering. I know if given the opportunity, I would fall. I'm not yet strong enough to make responsible decisions with credit, and shopping. I'm getting better, but I've got a long way to go.

I'm not telling you to go out and cry for every person you see who's suffering from an addiction. All I'm asking, is that you keep an open mind to these people, and why they're addicts in the first place. No one wakes up saying, "I want to be an addict," and unfortunately, by the time you realize you're an addict, it's almost too late.

These are the faces of addiction. The faces of the famous, and the faces of the common, every day people. Addiction can happen to anyone, but there is help. There's always hope. Never forget that.

Below, I've listed several websites of useful organizations to help addicts and the loved ones of addicts. There is help, all you have to do is take the first step.

Alcoholics Anonymous

Narcotics Anonymous

Overeaters Anonymous

Shopaholics Anonymous

Sex Addicts Anonymous

Gamblers Anonymous

Internet/Chat Addiction

And You Give Yourself Away...

2007-02-23T00:54:00.000-05:00

As promised, I told you I'd come through with some "nugget of joy"-- and thanks to Natalia, I have one. The song on one of her posts the other day was, "With or Without You", by U2. Talk about memories flooding back, they all came back, and slapped me in the face.

The year was 1992. The day, August 6th. Greg was home. Who might Greg be? Greg was the first man I ever loved. We had known each other for years, his family and my family were really close. Hell, I called him "brother" for years, although we were of no relation. His mother, and my grandmother died on the same day in 1990. We'd been through good times together, and bad times together. He was always there for me, and loved me, no matter what. On August 6th of 1992, everything we had known would complete change.

On that faithful day, we went from just being "friends" to being much more. No, we didn't cross the line entirely, but far enough to be able to never go back. I was completely intoxicated by him. He was the focus of my world. I had NEVER had feelings like that for anyone, and at 13 years of age, I really didn't know what to do with them.

For years, off and on, we continued our intimate relationship, all the while in "secret". As, we all know what happens when you're underage and involved with someone over the age of 18. Our "relationship", for lack of a better term, continued for years. When I was 18, he was married, and came home for a visit without his wife. That was a mistake. I felt absolutely no remorse for what I had done. He was MINE, it was her that was in the wrong for taking him away from me years before.

How young and naive I was. I struggled for years because of the decision we made one faithful night. I paid dearly for it, mentally and emotionally. I've never know passion and desire as strong with anyone, like I did with Greg. Maybe it was the situation we were in-- knowing if we were caught, what would happen. Maybe it was that knowing what we were doing was wrong, or "forbidden" that made the passion so strong. Or maybe it was just the fact that I truly loved him with my whole heart-- that he was the one person in this world who really "got me". Greg knew everything about me, and loved me. Hell, he caught me looking at Playboy magazines in his bedroom when I was like 8 years old. I didn't really know what they were, but I knew I shouldn't be looking at them. He didn't rat me out. You know, he knew those kinda things about me.

We haven't really spoken in years. It was too painful for a long time. I felt guilt, and shame. I felt used, and abused. I felt as if I were damaged, and he was the cause. Looking back, we both knew better. I was old enough to know better, but too young to care. That's my damage. Fifteen years later, things are so much more clear.

Everytime I hear, "With or Without You" by U2, or "Father Figure" by George Michael, I think about Greg. I remember every night we spent together. I remember the passion in his kiss, and the anger in his eyes when we would fight. I remember everything. Looking back, it's those things that have shaped me, that have made me who I am today. Had these things never taken place, I wouldn't be where I am today.

If I had it all to do over again, would I change anything? No. Not now. Now that I see a little more clearly, it was worth it all. The passion, the tears, the regret, the anger, the joy-- it was worth every moment.

Happy HNT!

2007-02-22T00:31:00.000-05:00

*Drum roll* This is my first time EVER posting an HNT!!! Congratulate me, someone!!! *LOL*

Ok, now that the drama is over, I know, I'm a sorry blogger. You know, when you don't work, there's only so much you can talk about. I mean, anymore, I don't have something to bitch about daily, so I figure, what am I gonna write about? Getting out of bed, cleaning, watching As The World Turns? My readers would plummet to zero *LOL* Then again, ya'll know me. I'll be quiet for a few days, then something will ruffle my feathers, or I'll have some great epiphany of thoughts to share with you-- or "nuggets of joy" as I like to call them.

Since, I have neither, I'll leave you with this FINE picture, to remind you to ALWAYS wear sunscreen.

This is the direct result of NOT wearing sunscreen. You know what the saddest part of all is? Monger and I had the exact SAME thought-- It's the end of September, we're not gonna get burnt. Note to self, and others: you WILL get burnt if there sun out at the end of September.

Take care, all! I'll be back soon enough with some words of wisdom, or bullshit-- either way, it'll be a good time!

Weekend Update....

2007-02-18T20:49:00.000-05:00

This week has been absolutely crazy! Instead of having a huge post, going into great details about everything, this is a "weekend randomness" post.

-- On tuesday, my cousin's grandmother passed away, which left us caring for 4 of the great-grandchildren while arrangements were made, and during the funeral. In order to appease the children ranging from ages 11 months to 6 years, we spent a lot of time at McDonald's and Chuck E.Cheese.

-- Speaking of Chuck E. Cheese, is anyone else's local CEC lame? I went to ours in Johnson City, and I must say, it's just not what it used to be. There are no more shows with the characters, and there are booths all around the place with some lame games. I mean, maybe I'm just getting old, but the only games that appealed to me are skee ball, and basketball.

-- Valentine's Day has come and gone. Had a great time. Chris and I went to Chili's for lunch. Yep, it's definite. We're getting old. We went out for a "late lunch" to avoid the evening dinner rush. I didn't care. I got one of those molten lava chocolate cakes, and was in heaven. Chris didn't get a bite. ;0)

-- Still waiting for more news on my fraud case. The last I've heard, was that "allegedly", the person who stole my identity was a man in Africa, that the woman in Texas had been having a relationship with via the internet. This woman is a past criminal, and has had run-in's with the law before, so we'll have to see what really happened. I'll keep you updated on the situation.

-- We got snow!!! Yay!!! For the first time, in a LONG time, Elizabethton saw snow!

-- Because of said snow, our pancake breakfast scheduled for this morning before church was cancelled. It's probably for the best, though. We were supposed to take the kids snow tubing next weekend, but it's supposed to be 60 degrees, and raining. So, I guess next weekend will be great for the breakfast.

-- I was getting a little excited, because I *though* I might be pregnant. Alas, nature gave me a negative test yesterday during an outing with my friends. All in God's time.

As of now, that's everything! I've got pictures for everyone to enjoy! I hope ya'll have had a great weekend, as well!

Fraud Update!

2007-02-15T15:56:00.000-05:00

The case is going well-- and I believe an arrest is soon to be made. Here is the person to whom the fradulant orders were being sent:

Lisa Bryan

I've deleted her personal information, due to a new development in the case. According to Ms. Bryan, she has been involved with a man from Africa, who sent her the flowers. Apparently, HE is the one who has used my card fradulantly. Now, the reason, I've left this woman's name up, is because she has had some run in's with the law in the past, and it has NOT been proven yet, that this person in Africa IS indeed the person who used my card for the fradulant purchases.

All in all, just BE CAREFUL. I'll keep you updated as the case unfolds!

Just thought I'd share this "nugget" of joy with you!

The Great Day Of Hearts...

2007-02-14T00:11:00.001-05:00

Once again, Valentine's Day has come around-- to some with delight, and others with anguish. You know, when I was single, I HATED Valentine's Day with a passion. I was so envious of all the women with husbands and boyfriends to buy them cards and roses-- take them out to eat, you know, all of the "Valentine's Day Stuff" that society has hyped us up to believe we need to have. When I would be out with my friends on Valentine's Day, I would see all of these couples who looked so happy to be together. I kept thinking, "I'd give ANYTHING to have that."

Little did I realize, that looks are most definitely deceiving. On Valentine's Day, "love" is in the air. It's the one day of the year we're "supposed" to celebrate love, and passion. I remember my first Valentine's Day with Chris. He sent me a dozen roses and bought me a pink stuffed cow (which I DID want by the way). I think we went out to eat, but I'm not really sure. Our second Valentine's Day together, we went to Gatlinburg, and stayed at my favorite hotel. He bought me a beautiful diamond and ruby heart ring. As time went on, the gifts didn't really matter anymore. The luster of the "Valentine's Hype" was gone.

About a year ago, when Chris and I were out eating on Valentine's Day, I saw a girl, whom I'm pretty sure was single, looking at us with complete envy. She was sitting in the same shoes I sat in many years before. I wanted to go and tell her, things aren't all they're cracked up to be. Yeah, we look all nice and happy on the outside, and so in love-- but it's not always that way. We've been through a lot-- his addiction with chatrooms, my addiction to shopping-- my illness, his anti-social personality. We both have demons, and they've reared their ugly heads on more than one occasion.

Being in a relationship is probably the hardest thing you'll ever do. Granted, it's worth everything I've been through, to have Chris, and be where we are today, it's just been a long, bumpy road to get there. It's not always roses and chocolates. That's just one day.

So, if you find yourself alone today, it's REALLY not as bad as you might think. Enjoy the day with those you love- your friends, family, co-workers, or animals. It's all about showing the love, not just to a boyfriend/girlfriend/husband/wife. Besides, we should be celebrating love EVERYDAY :0)

PS: See Below Post For Rant (It hasn't been up long, so I know most of you probably haven't seen it yet)

It's Not Sunday, But I'm Gonna Preach Anyway...

2007-02-13T21:48:00.000-05:00

While visiting my friend, Deb's blog, not too long ago, I couldn't help but notice she had a "fundamentalist troll" spamming her comments with hellbound comments. Ok, most of you have been visiting my blog for awhile now (any newcomers are ALWAYS welcome), and KNOW me well enough to know, I'm a devout Christian, but I won't preach to anyone. Do I wish everyone was a Christian, absolutely. Do I accept that everyone isn't, nor will they be? Absolutely. Christianity isn't right for everyone, and who I am to say who's going to get into Heaven?

I mean, as a Christian, we ALL have the same basic beliefs. We believe God is our Creator. He sent his only begotten Son, Jesus, to live and die as one of us, and be our Savior. As Christians, we believe and accept that Jesus was crucified, and died for our sins, so that we might have a home in His eternal Kingdom. Ok. Simple enough, no? I think it is, but I'll be damned if some people don't make it far more difficult than it is.

The Bible. An absolutely WONDERFUL book and guide. A book that has been translated down through so many languages, that we don't know the EXACT words. Do I believe the Bible? Absolutely. Do I believe EVERY WORD IS TO BE TAKEN LITERALLY? No. I know many times Jesus and His Disciples spoke in parables, and used metaphors-- you get the point. By no means do I claim to be a scholar on the Bible. I've read it from cover to cover, and am still lost when it comes to interpretation. Does that matter to me? Nope. Now, many Christians would gasp as a "fellow Christian" making a statement such as this. What matters to me, is the basis of my faith.

Keep it simple. You know, God gave us ten GREAT rules to follow. Ten VERY simple things to do. Why do we make them complicated, and condemn any and everyone for what they do, while we claim we're so high and mighty, as if WE have the right to throw stones at others for their sins?

You know what, I'm a terrible sinner. I lust daily. I'm greed, selfish, and self-centered. I've talked about others, and lied more times than I can count. I have to admit, I get pissed off at a lot of others who share my faith (Christianity), because I can't understand where they're coming from. I'm FAR from perfect. I'll be the VERY first to admit that. But you know what, you'll NEVER see me going to someone else's blog, looking them in the eye in person, ect- telling them they're going to hell for their sins. You know what, that's bullshit. Who am I to ULTIMATELY stand in judgement of another? You know, yeah, I do judge people, unjustly at times, but I typically keep it to myself. Does that make it anymore right? No. Does it tend to make others turn against my chosen religion? Uh- no.

Now, there are those who are going to fire back at me, saying, "I'm just spreading the word." That's great, if that's your belief, rock on with it, but don't force it on someone else. I don't go up to people at random asking them about their faith, views, lifestyles, ect. It's none of my business. If someone is living a sinful life, I pray for them, and talk to them about the sins. I don't throw them up in their face, and threaten them with hell. You know where that gets them, and you, no where? It's all in the approach. And you know, there are times, I don't get through. Not everyone shares my faith, and I FULLY accept that. Do I continue to harass them like I'm a telemarketer getting ready to lose my job? Nope. I pray for them and move on. I know that God has someone else that he needs me to minister to-- He'll take care of them.

The point of this entire rant is this: I'm so SICK of people telling other people how to be a Christian, and what you "can and can't do" if you are a Christian. You know what, when it all comes down to it, it's all about the relationship you and Jesus have. It doesn't matter what others on this earth think about you, how much money you have, or you don't have, how many people you've fed, or what sins you did or didn't commit. It's about Yours and Jesus' PERSONAL relationship.

As Christians, one of "The Big Ten", as I like to call them, tells us to "Love Thy Neighbor", you know, I think that's the hardest for everyone. You know, Jesus loves us ALL. NO one is exempt here. Jesus loves the righteous, the drug addicts, the whores, the saints, and homosexuals. Yep, I said homosexuals. He loves ALL people. It's just so sad we can't all unite into one Holy Catholic Church (which for those of you who aren't familiar with the liturgy, that just means one church under God, not actually the Catholic denomination). We can't, because we're so busy judging and trying to convert the converted.

Does anyone know what the number one fastest growing religion is? The Jehovah's Witnesses. Does anyone know why? Because they don't waste their time bickering among one another about who's right, or what's right. They've got the basis of their faith, and they're ready to spread the word. Do I believe the same way as the JW's? No. Do I have respect for them? Absolutely. I respect EVERYONE'S right to worship as they choose.

Ok, I've given a nice long rant, and I'm ready to call it quits for the day. I'm leaving you with this thought-- for those who are so convinced that the ONLY people who get into Heaven are those who believe the same way they do, I've got news for you-- You're going to be so disappointed when you get there and find all sorts of people there-- Catholics, Jews, Gays, Addicts, Criminals, you name it-- I'll bet they're there, and having a good laugh at those who said they'd never make it there.

God Bless--

PS: For those of you who aren't familiar with the creed of my faith (I'm an Episcopalian, you know, "Catholic Light" that's our joke anyway)

The Nicene Creed

We believe in one God, the Father, the Almighty, maker of heaven and earth, of all that is, seen and unseen. We believe in one Lord, Jesus Christ, the only Son of God, eternally begotten of the Father, God from God, Light from Light, true God from true God, begotten, not made, of one Being with the Father; through him all things were made. For us and for our salvation he came down from heaven, was incarnate of the Holy Spirit and the Virgin Mary For our sake he was crucified under Pontius Pilate; he suffered death and was buried. On the third day he rose again in accordance with the Scriptures; he ascended into heaven and is seated at the right hand of the Father. He will come again in glory to judge the living and the dead, and his kingdom will have no end. We believe in the Holy Spirit, the Lord, the giver of life, who proceeds from the Father and the Son, who with the Father and the Son is worshiped and glorified, who has spoken through the prophets. We believe in one holy catholic and apostolic Church. We acknowledge one baptism for the forgiveness of sins. We look for the resurrection of the dead, and the life of the world to come. Amen

True Friendship?

2007-02-11T20:44:00.000-05:00

For the past couple of days, a former friend of mine, Heather, has been on my mind. Heather was my best friend from 1st grade. We had the best time together. I could be silly and crazy around Heather, and she would be equally as nuts. From the 4th grade on, we had planned our weddings. We didn't know who we were going to marry, but we knew what we wanted when we did meet that special someone. We ordered those free bridal invitation magazines that the bridal magazines were flooded with. We got book after book, sample after sample, and just KNEW what it was we wanted. We we got married, I was going to be her maid of honor, and she was going to be mine.

Through the years we fought off and on, but always ended up being friends in the end. In August of 2002, she was married. She told me she was having a very small wedding with no attendants. Although hurt, I respected her decision. She said she wasn't sending out any invitations, just to come. Ok. This was NOTHING like she had planned, but I know things change, and people change. I went to Heather's wedding. Her mother was the matron of honor. That hurt, but once again, I respected her decision. I was grateful just to be there.

On December of 2002, I was married. I started planning VERY early. I notified Heather I wanted her to be my maid of honor (since Monger was going to be the matron of honor). I wanted my two best friends standing beside of me. I told Heather how much it would cost to have her dress made. For weeks she put me off, until she finally said she didn't have the money to have the dress made-- and then, had the audicity to infer that I was trying to make money off of the deal. I was OUTRAGED. I told her she could come look at the reciepts and see exactly how much the material costs to make each dress. Desperate, I even offered to pay for her dress.

She wasn't in my wedding. My heart was absolutely broken. One of my best friends, who had been there since age 6, wasn't there for me. I didn't send her an invitation, and she didn't show up. I didn't want here there anymore. It hurt. Badly. But, it showed me just who she was. Heather wasn't my friend. She never was. Heather is a lost soul. She's a victim of her mother's ideal. He mother sacrificed her marriage to make Heather the center of her world. Dressing her the way she wanted her to, and passively agressively manipulating her to be the person she wanted to be. Heather grew up to be a shallow woman, to whom friendship means nothing. It means so little, that the man she's married to, was the boyfriend of another of her best friends, Brandy.

I think about Heather from time to time. It still hurts to know that she's the kind of person she is, but she made her choices, and I made mine. She told my aunt the last time she saw her, that she hated that we "fell out of touch." We didn't fall out of touch. I've made a concious choice not to call her. I have nothing to say.

I'm just thankful for the TRUE, REAL friends I do have. I'm thankful for Monger, Justin, Jake, Michael, Missy, and all of those whom I can truly count on. I'm thankful for those who have held my hand, and not in vain. Those who will stand up for me, and support me, even when I'm wrong. I love you guys, and I thank you for never letting me down. I thank you for not being a "Heather".

Farewell To One Of My Heroes...

2007-02-08T17:19:00.000-05:00

How tragic was this? I know a lot of people didn't like Anna Nicole, and yes, she did many things that were questionable, but I absolutely loved this woman. She was my hero for many years. She was one of the most beautiful women, at her heaviest, and her thinnest. I know she did a lot of things wrong, but you know, who hasn't? She made me laugh, and feel good about my body image, regardless of what size I was.

She's been compared to Marilyn Monroe for years, and it seems, she's tragically ended up the same way-- dead way too soon. She lost her only son six months ago, and now she's left behind a six month old daughter. My heart is just broken for those she left behind. May she rest in peace.

Life... As It Was

2007-02-07T22:26:00.000-05:00

I got out of the house, for the first *real* time this week. I went to Bristol, to visit my old friends at Belk. Typically, when I go to Bristol, I'm always in a hurry. I just want to get my makeup, get my nails done, and get home. I enjoy visiting with my friends, but for some reason, I'm always in a hurry. Not today. Today, I took my time. I knew exactly what I wanted to do. I wanted to enjoy the things I had once taken for granted.

I went into Belk, and saw Holly. She informed me that "Little Bit's" step-father had passed away yesterday. I was really sorry to hear that. I believe he was only in his 50's. Holly said she had seen him on friday, and he seemed to be just fine. It just proves how short our lives are, and that our time could be up any given day.

After visiting and catching up for a minute, I went down to the nail salon. As usual, they were really busy, and asked me to come back in 30 minutes. I have very little money, so actual shopping was out of the question. What to do? I knew I wanted to go to Villa Pizza for a garlic roll. I used to LOVE those things. When I worked at Proffits', we'd get 5 or 6 of them, and sneak into the Clinique bay to eat them. Of course, we weren't supposed to be eating on the sales floor, but do you think that stopped us? Of course not!

So, I walked into Villa Pizza to get my long awaited garlic rolls. They're just basically a calzone without anything inside, sprinkled with garlic salt and Parmesan cheese. Don't ask me why, but I LOVE those things. I could eat a dozen of them myself. I had planned on enjoying at least two, but they only had one very small one. So, the small one had to do.

As I sat in the food court eating my one tiny garlic roll, nostalgia reared it's ugly head. Maybe it was the time of day, the familiar taste of comfort food, or seeing dusk through the skylight, but my heart was really heavy. I wanted nothing more than to be getting up from that table, and walking into Proffitts' to work once again. As crazy as it sounds, I felt like I was back in time, to 2004. I felt the same way I did when I was only working in accessories with Mary. It took me a few minutes to snap back to reality. The reality that I no longer work at Proffitts'-- that Proffitts' no longer exists. The reality that my counter is gone, and the store looks nothing like it once did. The reality that Verna is dead, and my friends and I have drifted apart.

Everything changes. We go through things we thing are so terrible, have jobs we think we hate, and then realize years later, we had it so good. Walking through that little mall in Bristol, I realized how good I had it, and how I'd give just about anything to have it back. I can't have it back. I can't go back, but I can re-live it anytime. All I have to do is close my eyes. I can still see Verna at her register, and my Elizabeth Arden bay-- That poor bay was literally about 30 years old. I thought it was so ghetto and ratty, but you know, I made it look pretty good. I can still see it the way it was. I can still see everything the way it was.

Spending some time by myself today was really good for me. Although, I was sad when I left the mall, I was happy to be able to have those memories. I was happy that I had the opportunities that I've had. I'm happy to say I was touched by not only friends, but a job that meant something to me.

Catching Up...

2007-02-05T16:52:00.000-05:00

*Just a note, I'm truly HONORED to say I've been nominated for a "Blog Award" Please, go HERE and cast your vote for Life... As I Know It. It's listed under "Best Writing". For those of you who enjoy my writing, hook a Monger up with a vote!*

Whew! After a week like last week, it was nice to just be able to chill out
and get some rest! In the past couple of weeks, my sleep has been a complete
wreck. I've been sleeping crazy hours, and staying up all night long. I went to sleep somewhere around 7am this morning, and woke up at noon. Here's to hoping I get a decent night's sleep tonight, at a decent hour. Anyway, I have an update on my identity theft case.

Once again, I'd like to sing the praises of www.gap.com for their cooperation and compassion in dealing with my situation. As of saturday morning, the entire $334.94 had been returned to my checking account-- while I'm STILL waiting for www.hallmark.com to discharge the pending $70.94 to my account. I'm still extremely pissed off at www.hallmark.com !!!

On a happy note, yesterday, my dear mother:

(The one in the white shirt) Celebrated her 53rd birthday yesterday. The first sunday of every month, we always have a "pot luck" dinner after church, so we celebrated there with our church family. Julie, a dear friend of ours from church, made a huge chocolate cake, which was wonderful!

The weather in E-town is so cold, I haven't even left the house today! My aunt,
who is a teacher in the city schools, is on a two hour delay tomorrow due to the weather. Note: we have NO snow, it's just that cold, and down here in the South,
we don't take kindly to cold weather.

And... Just because I feel like sharing, here are some pictures of my "kids" to share with you!

I'm A Victim...

2007-02-02T00:16:00.000-05:00

Yep, after getting so worked up over having to switch to SUCKY beta, I didn't even get to put up the post I wanted to. I have been a victim of identity theft. I woke up yesterday morning, and had my bowl of frosted mini wheats, just like any other day. I checked our bank account, online, to see if my husband's truck payment had cleared, and bam, I see two charges that neither of us made. I called Suntrust immediately. Someone had charged $334.46 on gap.com, and $70.94 on hallmark.com.

First, I want to SING THE PRAISES of http://www.gap.com/ Not only were they VERY fast at finding the fraudulent order, but they also GAVE me the NAME, ADDRESS, and PHONE NUMBER of the person to whom the order was being shipped.

Now, on the other hand I'm BOYCOTTING http://www.hallmark.com/ Let me tell you about them. I was on hold for about a good 30 minutes for them to tell me that an order had been placed using MY NAME and MY CARD, but they COULDN'T TELL ME ANYTHING BUT THE NAME OF THE PERSON TO WHOM IT'S BEING SENT-- DUE TO "PRIVACY ISSUES". What about MY privacy? I mean, I was VICTIM, but MY PRIVACY means NOTHING TO http://www.hallmark.com/

I encourage you, and others, NEVER to shop with them again. They could care less about the customer, as long as they get their dime. I've never been so frustrated in my life!

Ok, on with the story. The person in question (as soon as I find out that they are truly guilty, I'll be posting their full name, address, and phone number on here for all the world to see), is in South Lake, Texas. So, I call the Spring Lake PD to file a report. They inform me that I have to file a report with my local PD. So, I call the Elizabethton PD. They come to my house and take a complaint.

I wake up this morning, to hear a call from the detective's unit, telling me there's nothing they can do, because it's out of their jurisdiction. So, I once call South Lake PD, and the woman tells me the same thing. I lose it. I tell her I'm not angry at her, but I'm sick of getting the run around. I've talked to two different police departments, two separate times, and nothing is getting done. Finally, I'm able to talk to an officer in South Lake, who takes a report from me, and tells me he'll be in touch with a detective from my local PD.

It's not the money that I'm worried about, Suntrust has taken care of that, it's the fact that there's a thief out there, who's charged over $400.00 to my debit card, and God only knows how many others-- and as of now, they're getting away with it because no one can figure out who's friggin' jurisdiction it belongs in? How messed up is that?

I'll be keeping everyone updated with details as soon as I get them. But for now, consider this a big warning to all-- watch your credit cards and bank cards like a hawk!

Ticked Off And Moving...

2007-02-01T16:42:00.000-05:00

Yep, Blogger has done it now. I'm pissed. It FORCED me to move to beta, or I couldn't log in. I hate it, and am in the process of setting up a new blog at WordPress.com. I'll be posting it here as soon as it's finished! YOU SUCK BLOGGER!!! Do you realize, if you haven't switched over to beta, I can't friggin' see who has posted on my blog! Is that not a load of barncles or what!!! I mean, all of my posts, before I was FORCED to switch to beta, I can't see those who commented if they don't have beta-- this sucks!!!

Update: I really don't like WordPress, after spending well over an hour trying to get things set up, so until I find a new home, I'm guess I'm stuck here with shitty beta blogger *sighs* I HATE BLOGGER!!! UGH!!!

Ok, my mini rant is over, for the minute

When Fantasy and Reality Collide...

2007-01-30T17:34:00.000-05:00

I got a e-mail from an old friend today. They were talking about character blogging-- which is something I used to LOVE to do. I still keep up the "Olivia" blog, but have been neglecting to Chloe's blog. The flame just burned out there, I suppose-- although, I really enjoy reading the old posts. It was a good time, and very therapeutic, to say the least.

Even as an adult, there's nothing like "pretend time". Getting to be someone else for just a little while, being able to let go of all the things that the are dragging you down in your life. For that few moments in time, there's no worrying about bills, health, jobs, anything that's weighing you down in your life-- you get to be a completely different person.

For a long time, I thought I was crazy, but I realize, that it's completely normal to want to escape reality on occasion, and what's more therapeutic than writing? So here's to you, dear friend, and all others who enjoy escape by fiction!

PS: I was looking at the picture of "Chloe" and a picture of myself, and you know, it's kinda scary-- judge for yourself.

Christy:

Chloe':

A Ray Of Sunshine...

2007-01-29T01:54:00.000-05:00

Chris and I just celebrated our 4th anniversary in December. This past year has been anything but easy for us. I've been feeling down again, wondering what we're going to do with our lives-- you know, that sort of thing. I think we all get in these ruts from time to time, wondering where our lives are going, what we're really going to do, are we really making a difference.

After spending most of the day feeling sorry for myself, I finally decided to snap out of it. I know that one way or another, I'm going to end up right where I'm supposed to be, and that I will make something out of myself. In the process, I was looking at our wedding pictures and reflecting. I was over 100lbs heavier, and looked like a bloated whale! Aside from that, the pictures that I DO have from our wedding, are pitiful. For those of you who don't know, I have very few "good" wedding pictures. Our photographer double exposed 72 of our wedding pictures.

Ok, so not gonna talk about that-- terribly depressing. The good news is, I DID stop payment on the check to the photographer, so they didn't get a dime for that shitty work on my photographs. Anyway, where I'm actually going with this post. I told Chris, that for our 10th anniversary, what I'd like more than anything is to go to Tahiti and Easter Island, and renew our vows. Hopefully by that time, I'll be even smaller, and be able to look the way I'd like to in a dress. In addition to being able to look the way I'd like, I'll be going to the two places in this world, I'd be willing to die to see *AKA: Get on the plane to see*. It's really given me something to look forward to!

I've had a dream to see these two places for as long as I can remember, and truly thought they'd always be a dream. Now, we're taking action. We're doing something to make them come true, and I feel really good about that. I hope you enjoy the pics I've posted here, these are some of the things I want to see, and do :0)

Blogger Sucks-- Yet Again....

2007-01-24T17:04:00.000-05:00

*Sighs*

I had typed up a nice post, that Blogger so graciously ate for me. So, I'm going to share this nice little meme instead. Please, feel free to borry, steal, reply, whatever your heart desires :0)

Grad Year: 1996

1. Who was your best friend? Monger AKA: Jennifer

2. What sports did you play? Thanks to that lovely cyst in my back, none :0(

3. What kind of car did you drive? Red Honda CRX

4. It's Friday night, where were you? Prosound, Crusing the AMC, Somewhere in JC

5. Were you a party animal? Of course! I had the BEST party of 1994!

6. Were you in the "In Crowd"? You know it!

7. Ever skip school? Uh- yeah!

8. Ever smoke? Of course

9. Were you a nerd? Hell No!

10. Did you get suspended/expelled? Nope

11. Can you sing the alma mater? Absolutely!

12. Who was your favorite teacher? Mrs. Johnson

13. Favorite class? Biochemistry

14. What was your schools full name? Elizabethton High School

15. School mascott? Cyclone

16. Did you go to Prom? Yes, and it was boring as hell!

17. If you could go back and do it over, would you? In a heartbeat!

18. What do you remember most about graduation? Jessie Strickland telling us our graduating class was like a "bamboo tree"-- I tuned out after that!

19. Favorite memory of your Senior Year? Senior Night 1995

20. Were you ever posted up on the senior wall? You know, I honestly don't remember?

21. Did you have a job your senior year? Yes

22. Who did you date? I REALLY don't want to talk about that one... There are a few I'd prefer NOT to remember!

23. Where did you go most often for lunch? The damn lunchroom

24. Have you gained weight since then? A lot, and lost it all :0)

25. What did you do after graduation? Worked at Merle Norman Cosmetics

Weekend Randomness...

2007-01-21T19:34:00.000-05:00

I know it's been a few days since I've updated-- I've been busy with the new family members!

-- Speaking of, the cat count just went up to 3. We adopted Noah on saturday. He was VanGogh's "cage mate", at the shelter, and they said he hadn't eaten since VanGogh left, so we went and got him. We now have 3 happy cats!

-- For those of you who are looking to adopt a cat, dog, ect., the animals at your local Pet's Mart, are all shelter animals looking for good homes, that's where we got ours.

-- I have a job interview in the morning. Am excited, yet hesitant. It's at *another* cell phone place. I've heard it's much better than Sprint *AKA: Satan lives at exit 7-- Bonham Road, he's there*. BUT we'll see.

-- If all goes well, Chris will be back to work by the middle of next month, which means HEALTH INSURANCE!!! Yay!

-- I was really annoyed last night. The Angry Beavers were supposed to be on Nick2, but some other cartoon was on. Yeah, I know, I don't have much in my life.

Ok, this was short, and kinda pitiful. I've just been busy trying to get the new cats adjusted to their new home. Let me tell you, when you have cats like these, it's a full time job. Even with all of the new animals, I still really miss Morris, and am still having a hard time with his passing.

I hope everyone has had a great weekend, and been able to get some rest!

Does It Get Any Better???

2007-01-17T22:48:00.000-05:00

This post will be somewhat random, so I apologize in advance if you have a hard time following me. Over a period of 24 hours, two things that I've been looking for, for well over two years, I've found. I lost my beauty school diploma shortly after getting my job at Proffitts' in 2004. I've searched my house from top to bottom numerous times. I've torn my desk apart on more than one occasion. Last night, the urge to look, again, was strong. I began to go through the desk, and low and behold, there it was! I couldn't believe it! I found it! I know, it's just a piece of paper, but it meant so much to me. I mean, hell, it took discipline for me to get out of bed to actually go and get some education for the few months I actually had to go to school. I could actually say I was a college graduate-- even if it was a technical college.

Second, the one that meant the most. Tonight, as I was surfing around on MySpace, it hit me-- Missy probably has a MySpace, too. Well, at least I hoped she did. Missy was my best friend in beauty school. I absolutely loved that girl! We had so much fun together! After we graduated, we kept in touch, but not as much as I would've liked. At some point in time in 2003, she moved, and we lost touch. I've been searching for her since 2004, with no luck. I knew her full name, maiden name, birthday, nearly everything, but couldn't find her. Tonight, on a whim, and a quick search, I was able to find her. I sent her a friend request, so hopefully the next time she logs on, we'll be able to get back in touch.

Cat update: They're adjusting well to their new home. Both were adopted from the Sullivan County Humane Society, via Pet's Mart in Kingsport. VanGogh was given his name by his former surrogate parent, due to the fact that most of his right ear is missing. Granted, the artist was missing his left ear, but it fits nonetheless. He's a huge cat, and a first class "fraidy cat!" He was terrified of Lil' Mo, a very small 5 month old orange tabby! They're both doing well, and I'm enjoying having them in our home!

I can't believe my luck! For as shitty as things have been for the past year-- things are FINALLY taking a turn for the better!

Ready Or Not...

2007-01-16T16:50:00.000-05:00

I have new family members. I'm still not over losing my precious Morris cat. However, I know there are animals that are all alone, needing love and a good home. Because of this, we've welcomed two new members to our family. VanGogh, and Lil' Morris. They'll never replace Morris, but have been a nice addition. It's good to have fur in my home again, and the greeting of a "meow" or "purr" when I walk by! Enjoy!

Thanks To All..... And Happy Birthday Penny Meat Patty!!!

2007-01-13T00:06:00.000-05:00

First, thanks to all who e-mailed, called, and left kind words of comfort and encouragement for me. It TRULY means a lot to have so many people who care, and helped me through this very difficult time. I appreciate ALL you've done for me!

Second, Michael, AKA: Penny Meat Patty's birthday party was today! As you can tell, we bought him a "Penny Meat Patty"! For those of you who don't know what a "Penny Meat Patty" is, let me explain. At McDonald's, for 99 cents, you can purchase a regular cheeseburger- BUT for only $1.00, you can get a DOUBLE cheeseburger for 1 penny more, which stands to reason that a patty of meat is really only a penny-- therefore, making it a "Penny Meat Patty". Michael enlightened us with this nugget of joy, that's why we call him, "Penny Meat Patty". So, Happy Birthday Penny Meat Patty! We love ya!

Rest In Peace, My Precious Morris Cat

2007-01-09T19:27:00.000-05:00

At about 12:15, my precious Morris Cat passed away at the vet's office. His lungs were collapsed, and there was fluid surrounding them. His kidneys were failing, along with his heart. It is believed he had cancer as well. He lived a very good life. He had more love and attention than any other animal alive. When I brought him home from T.A Dugger Jr. High School, and saved him from an untimely death in March of 1998, it was me who was truly blessed. I had the "dream cat", that I had always wanted. He was orange, male, fat, and extremely loveable-- the cat I had ALWAYS wanted. Aunt Judy allowed me to bring him home on the condition we'd try to find his owners (despite that the Jr. High had tried for over a month to find them).

I readily agreed, and Morris rode home on my lap, looking out the window to the world. When he was safely at my aunt's house, I made a quick trip to Wal-Mart, buying him a cute collar, and an engraved name tag. Yep, it had his name, "Morris", and my home phone number on it, so he would be MINE, and there was no taking him away. I loved that cat with all my heart for the almost 9 years. He gave me so much love, comfort, and joy. He knew when I was sad, and when I was sick. He comforted me when I needed comfort, and love anytime I wanted and/or needed it. I'd never had an animal like him, and never will again. How can you top perfection?

I've included a picture of the urn we purchased today for him. I already knew when we went to the crematorium what I wanted. I had seen it years ago, when my beloved TJ passed. I went in today, knowing what I wanted, and came out with something completely different. I couldn't believe it. I believe Morris was telling me what he wanted. It's beautiful, and him. I've included a picture below. I also picked up a book that is helping so much. It's titled, "Do Pets Go To Heaven?", by Dennis Callen. It's so comforting, and just what I needed.

Thank you all for your loving words, thoughts and prayers. They mean so much right now during this difficult time. Much love!

Prayers For Morris

2007-01-08T16:52:00.000-05:00

My beloved cat, and dear family member, Morris is sick-- very sick. Chris took him to the vet today, and it doesn't look good. They drew some blood, and will be calling us back tomorrow with the results. I'm terrified I'm going to lose him, and just don't know if I can handle it. I love that cat more than anything, he is my world. Losing him will literally break my heart. I don't care who you pray to, even if it's yourself, please pray for him. He need all the love and prayers he can get. Thanks all.

Always Reflecting...

2007-01-05T14:27:00.000-05:00

Since I've not been working, I've had more time on my hands than I'm used to. Even though I wasn't at ACT all that long, the time I was there, I was completely dedicated. My life was going full-force. I was going non-stop from the time I walked in the door, until the time I went home, and then some. Since leaving on the 22nd, I've had nothing but time to think. I've relected on my *past* job, friends, and life in general.

As I was taking my bubble bath last night at 3:30am it hit me. I know each and every one of you have heard someone say, at some point in time, "Just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to, doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have." Ok, yeah, it's cheesy, and pisses you off when someone tells you that-- or at least it used to always piss me off. Anyway, you know, it's so very, very true. How many people in my life, had they loved me the way I wanted them to, would've messed me up royally? I mean, for instance, had PC and TM shown me the attention or "love" that I secretly desired, where would I be right now? In deep shit. Totally.

As much as it hurt, losing my job at ACT was the best thing that could've ever happened to me. There's no way I could've continued to work there and anything good come of it. Granted, I had friends there that I cherished, and still do-- however, with the men, it was a ticking timebomb just waiting to explode. I know now that I'm better off-- even if the company is losing one of the best receptionist they ever had.

While comtemplating that, I thought of all the friends I've had in my life- of all the people who have come and gone. There are so many people who have come in and out of my life, and touched me deeply for one reason or another. There are so many people I've fallen out of touch with, and often wonder how they are. For instance- Holly, Jess, Geraldine, Mary, and Little Bit. They were part of my life, daily, for two years. We talked daily, and were there to make each other smile, and lift each other up when things weren't going the best. I miss that. Geraldine, Holly, and Little Bit still work at Belk in Bristol. Mary still lives in Bristol, I see her a couple of times a year and keep in touch via e-mail. Jess, I have no idea. I miss those girls. They were my family. Even though *for the most part* I can talk to them when I need to, it's not the same not seeing them daily. It's not the same not having Proffits' anymore.

I've only been on this earth 28 years, and in those 28 years, I've made so many memories. I've had to tell so many people good-bye, and good-bye forever. I've learned the hard way, to cherish every moment you have with those you love- to tell them you love them, that you never know when it's the last time you'll see them.

Today, tell someone you love them. Don't delay. Enjoy the memories of the past, they've shaped who you are today.

Happy New Year!!!

2007-01-02T21:12:00.000-05:00

I had a wonderful New Year! I hope ya'll did as well! After church, my parents took us out to eat for our anniversary. Poor Chris is sick, and ended up in the bed very early. Our friend, Susan, invited us to her place for a party. Chris didn't feel like going, but sent me on anyway (since I haven't been out of the house since losing my job). I had a WONDERFUL time! It was great to spend the New Years with my friends, and loved onces. Here's some pics of the wild times!

Awwwwwwwwwww, We Got Married!!!

2006-12-31T00:40:00.000-05:00

Yep, 4 years ago today, at 7:30pm at St. Thomas Episcopal Church, in Elizabethton, Tennessee, we got married!! Yay!

I'm Alive... But Not Kicking

2006-12-30T00:06:00.000-05:00

Of course, it the Christmas season, so I'm STILL sick. Yes, STILL. I can't get rid of this shit. It's in my head, and glands. My neck hurts, I'm sore, and grumpy-- but still alive. Haven't even begun to look for a job. Luckily, I've got enough money to pay the bills next month, so I don't have to take the first thing that comes along (thank goodness). If I wasn't ready to shoot myself out of boredom, I wouldn't go back to work. *Hopefully* Chris will be back to work next month, and I'll finally have my *much needed* health insurance back once more, along with the comfortable income we need to live.

I promise I'll write more, soon-- but keep this nugget of joy in mind, on sunday, the 31st, Chris and I will have been married for 4 years!!! Awwwwwwwww, we got married!

Merry Christmas!

2006-12-25T21:35:00.000-05:00

This was just what I needed. Last night, at Midnight Mass, my friend, Steven, came to worship with us. He's a dear friend, and one I love very much-- he left our church about 10 months ago due to some conflicting differences in the church. I miss him terribly. Having him at church with us last night, was the best Christmas gift I could've ever gotten. Being with Steven, and all of my friends and family, I was reminded, that everything I've lost this year, didn't matter. What matters is what I've got now. The true spirit of Christmas was shown last night. Thank you, Jesus for everything.

Merry Christmas!

God Bless You, Laci and Conner...

2006-12-24T22:44:00.000-05:00

On a day that should be so joyous, 4 years ago today, Laci Denise Peterson, and her unborn son, Conner were savagely murdered at the hands of her husband, Scott. Please take a moment to remember Laci, Conner, and those they left behind. May God Bless them.

Can I POSSIBLY Suck Anymore Than I Already Do?

2006-12-22T20:00:00.000-05:00

I lost my job today. The job I LOVED-- the job that brought life back to me, made me feel desirable, and worthwhile again- gone in the blink of an eye. No warning, no nothing. My contract ended today with the temp agency, and ACT "couldn't" hire me because of attendance problems. I've missed 3 friggin' days- 3. I came to work when I was damn near dead- when I couldn't talk, and felt like I'd been hit by a ton of bricks, I was there. I was dedicated to that damn job. I ate, slept, and breathed ACT, and I have NOTHING to show for it- nothing.

Diane told me at 10 minutes til 5 today. Yes, I worked the whole damn day, when in reality, she could've saved me the embarrassment of having to pack my shit and leave at the end of the day. This hurts more than losing a loved one. I am grieving beyond belief. I can't believe this is happening. My husband has no job. I have no job. I didn't even get to tell my friends good-bye- I wasn't strong enough. PC and TM, I'll never see them again. I'll never get the chance to tell PC that I never meant to make him uncomfortable, but he did mean a lot to me. He was someone who made me feel so good about myself, and brought back the life I knew I had in me. I'll never get to thank him for that. I'll never get the chance to do the things I needed to do there, and say the things that needed to be said to those I love. It's over. Merry Christmas to me.

A Complete Metamorphosis...

2006-12-15T17:55:00.000-05:00

It's about damn time, isn't it? I've been through so much this year, it's not a wonder I've acted the way I have. I've gone from saint to sinner in approximately 2.2 seconds. I lost the security and comfort of the lifestyle I had grown to love, and gained my self-esteem and self-respect back. For so long, because I wasn't working, I thought I had no right to complain to my husband about the way I had been treated. I thought, he's the one bringing in the money, he should have things his way-- which in turn, made me a doormat. ANYONE who knows me, knows I never have, and never again, will be a doormat.

When I got my job at ACT, I went WILD. I finally had a place where I could be myself, and the men were plentiful. I have lost tons of weight, and for the first time in years, honestly feel good. I feel like a worth-while human once again. Flirting comes naturally for me-- it always has. I love to get attention. I'll admit it, I'm an attention-whore. I want people to want me. I want to be desired. Rejection. I can't stand it. I don't deal with it well. I don't like being told no, nor do I like being pushed aside. For the first two months at work, I charmed everyone around me. I LOVED being showered with attention. The more people would flirt with me, the more power I had-- and I LOVE power.

Finally, today, it hit me. I'm not only hurting myself, but others. PC, for example. He's acted differently around me, and it's crushed me. I WANTED to be the one he desired. No, I didn't want to have an affair with him, that was NEVER my intention. My intention was to have him want me, but never do anything about it. That's so completely silly, and immature. Because I found him attractive, I wanted him to find me equally attractive. Now, I'm pretty sure he thinks I'm the biggest dumbass in the whole world. I sent a very nice e-mail to him today at work. I explained to him that I enjoyed joking and "kidding around" with people, and that I apologize if I've ever done anything to make him feel uncomfortable. That's the last thing I would ever want. I don't want anyone to feel uncomfortable around me. That's the end of it. The ball is in his court now. Whether or not he ever speaks to me again, it's his situation to deal with..

I just feel so foolish. The last thing I want is for PC to think badly of me. It hurts me to think that maybe I've "thrown" myself at him, and he's rejecting me. I know it's a personal "ego trip". I just don't know if I can even look him in the eye on monday. I know I have to, but I don't know how. I know it's my problem, I just pray he'll forgive me, and be able to work with me. Hell, for all I know, that e-mail might've blindsided him-- he might not even have a clue what I'm talking about-- at least I feel better.

Thanks for listening to my guilt rant...

What's Up With Blogger?

2006-12-12T20:44:00.000-05:00

I've tried to comment on some of my friend's blogs (who have switched to beta) and for some reason, it won't let me? Anyone else having problems?

Look What You've Done...

2006-12-11T19:16:00.000-05:00

Today, it finally hit me, what I complete dumbass I've been. I've THROWN myself at any man I thought looked good, just because I finally feel good about myself. I couldn't tell you what finally opened my eyes, but I feel like such a fool. I feel so stupid, and to make matters worse, I feel like everyone knows... and they're laughing at me. I feel as if I've made a person I consider to be a friend, uncomfortable. He hasn't exactly acted differently around me, maybe it's just me, because I know, but I feel terrible. I hate even facing him at work now. I tried to talk to him as little as possible at work today, and will probably continue to do so, without making it obvious. I'm such a fool.

Take my photo off the wall
If it just won't sing for you
'Cause all that's left has gone away
And there's nothing there for you to prove

Oh, look what you've done
You've made a fool of everyone
Oh well, it seems likes such fun
Until you lose what you had won

Give me back my point of view
'Cause I just can't think for you
I can hardly hear you say
What should I do, well you choose

Oh, look what you've done
You've made a fool of everyone
Oh well, it seems likes such fun
Until you lose what you had won

Oh, look what you've done
You've made a fool of everyone
A fool of everyone
A fool of everyone

Take my photo off the wall
If it just won't sing for you
'Cause all that's left has gone away
And there's nothing there for you to do

Oh, look what you've done
You've made a fool of everyone
Oh well, it seems likes such fun
Until you lose what you had won

Oh, look what you've done
You've made a fool of everyone
A fool of everyone
A fool of everyone

Damn Flu-Season!!!

2006-12-07T19:09:00.000-05:00

I've been bitten HARD by that nasty flu bug!!! It hit hard and fast, but *thank GOD* it hasn't been as bad as it was back in February. I've felt like death warmed over for the past few days-- I still can't speak, but am hanging in there. I haven't forgotten about ya'll. I just haven't felt like doing anything other than laying on the couch. I promise I'll make my rounds again very soon! *hugs and love*

Happy Birthday Caleb!

2006-12-03T18:12:00.000-05:00

Six years ago, December 1st, Caleb Dalton Lewis arrived in the world at 6:23pm. He's my first Godson, and so dear to my heart. Here are some of the pictures from his birthday party on saturday. I Love You, Caleb!

Fifteen Years Ago Today...

2006-11-29T19:28:00.000-05:00

In light of my recent trashiness, I felt a nice story was in order- and it just happened to be an anniversary of something. Of course, I have a story for nearly any and everything you can imagine. November 29th, 1991, I had one of the biggest crushes of my life. I fell, and fell HARD for Duff McKagan. For those of you who aren't familiar with Duff, he was the bassist for Guns N'Roses. I was only 13 years old, but I really thought I was going to marry him. I just knew I would be with this man, no matter what. I had made plans to move to Los Angeles when I turned 18, and I was changing my name to Sabrina Stevenson (don't ask me what possessed me to think that was a good idea, but I did).

I had high hopes and aspirations. Needless to say, I didn't go to Los Angeles at age 18, my name is Christy Rach, and not Sabrina Stevenson, and my husband is Chris, and not Duff. Obviously, things turned out ok. I still enjoy the memories of my youth, and the fun I had with my crush.

Share With Me!!!

2006-11-28T19:46:00.000-05:00

Ok, as you all know, I've been trashy lately. I admit it. It's just me. I felt kinda bad after my last post- no, not for lusting and flirting, but for referring to these men as if they were pons, and that I would "use" them. I would never use anyone, I don't know what the hell is wrong with me. PC is such an awesome person. He's got the best personality, and most beautiful smile. If I weren't a married woman and he wasn't a married man, I'd be after him in a heartbeat. Who am I kidding, I'd already be dating him. He's the ideal man, but alas, we're both married- and not to each other.

Then you have TM. That man ROCKS MY WORLD! He's SO smooth, and sexy. He drives a kick ass car, and has it going on in EVERY aspect. He's slightly cocky, as to where PC is not. Once again, TM is married as well, although, I suspect he's not exactly faithful. Everyone at work knows I think he's fine as hell, but they all know I would never do anything other than flirt with him. Like my best friend, and fellow Monger says, "If you're on a diet, it's ok to look at the menu"- and look at the menu I am!

These men truly are good people, especially PC, I would never want anyone to think I'd ever use him, or TM, even if they do make me feel really good about myself.

For those of you who are wondering- I'm going through a midlife crisis at age 28. I'm telling you, it's the truth. Does my husband know this, no, of course not. What he doesn't know, won't hurt him, especially if it makes our marriage stronger in the end.

I'm SO Relieved...

2006-11-27T07:43:00.000-05:00

To find out- that I'm just a slut! Now, I KNOW half of you are just gasping at such words, thinking, "why on earth would someone be proud of being a slut?" Well, the answer is very simple. It means I'm not as unhappy as I thought I was. Ok, are you more confused now? Since I've been working at ACT, I've been EXTREMELY attracted to, two men. One of which I see daily, the other once a month. The one I see once a month, we'll call, TM, is the CIO of the company- and VERY smooth. The way he looks at a woman could make her melt instantly. The other, we'll call PC, I've finally figured out WHY I want so badly, because he doesn't fall at my feet like some of the other men do.

Now, I don't mean to infer that every man at ACT is just falling all over himself to get to me, that's not the case at all. There are several that flirt with me, and I know find me attractive, but PC, he's very shy, very coy- and it makes me want his attention all the more. The desire to have PC desire me has become even stronger seeing him daily. I do little things so that I'll be able to speak to him, or so he'll have to speak to me. I make sure that I look flawless, and that the scent of Victoria's Secret Dream Angels Halo is filling the air every day when he walks in. Don't ask me why the desire for this man to find me desirable is so strong. I don't want to have an affair with him, I just want to know that he desires me.

My dear mother opened my eyes today, and enlightened me. It's all a game to me. A game, and I play to win. When I want something, I stop at NOTHING until it's mine. I've always been that way at every aspect in my life, especially with men. I always want them, until I get them- then I get bored. I enjoy the hunt- the thrill of the chase is what keeps me going, and why I've been through more men than I've ever known what to do with. I thought this desire or drive would stop when I got married- that it would automatically go away. Wrong. Just like a leopard can't change his spots, a slut can't change her drive. I can't change what drives me, what excites me- what makes me, me.

I was so downhearted, thinking I wasn't in love with my husband, blah, blah, blah- because I was comparing him to PC. In reality, PC is very different from my husband, yet, very similar. I know now, I'm really not looking at PC as a potential mate, someone to just go out and dump my husband for, but as a pon. The next conquest in my game of desire. I'll move on soon enough, but for now, I'm enjoying feeling like I'm 16 again. Having those feelings of euphoria rush through my veins when he walks in, in the morning gives me something to look forward to- and helping to hold me over while things are a little rougher on the homefront.

Thanks for listening to the slut's rant. Just call me Blanche Devereux...

Interesting...

2006-11-25T19:47:00.000-05:00

Happy Thanksgiving!

2006-11-22T20:55:00.000-05:00

I wanted to take a moment to wish all of my friends a Happy and SAFE Thanksgiving! May it be a good one!

Life...As I Know It

It's Been Too Long...

Letting It Go...

Labor of Love...

Sorry It's Been So Long!

Savannah Boleyn is on her way!

Nobody Told Me Growing People Was Hard!

We're Back!

It's A Baby!

I'm Pregnant!

*Insert Catchy Blog Title Here*

When The Answer Never Comes...

Finally... Some Good News!

Don't Fall Over...

Happy Easter!

Ready For Spring...

Just When I Start To Get Better...

Sick...

In A Funk...

Seven Random Things and More!

How It All Turns Out...

Awwwwwwwwwww... We Got Married!!!

In Loving Memory of Laci and Conner

'Tis The Season...

Happy Birthday Caleb!

Being Thankful...

October Update

Headed Out...

Homecoming 2007

Ok, Let's Try It Again...

I Know, I Suck As A Blogger...

A LONG Update...

Gone To The Beach...

My Summer Begins... With Vertigo

My Weekend...

Still Around...

Your Next Breath... Could Be Your Last...

Congrats To Caleb!

7 Things... And More!

I'm In Print!

Living Life Once More...

An Absolute Inspiration...

Sorry I Haven't Been Around...

My Freedom...

Still Sick...

This Wasn't Supposed To Happen...

Happy Easter...

Monger Day!

Random Meme...

On A Lighter Note...

All Who Believe This, Raise Your Hand...

Exhausted...

Weekend Update...

My Hell Is Finally Over...

Confessions From A Self-Proclaimed Packrat...

What It's Like...

Why...

Spend All Your Time Waiting, For That Second Chance...

Weekend Update...

Old School HNT...

Speaking Of Love And Memories...

Temptation, Regret, and Memories...

The Faces Of Addiction...

And You Give Yourself Away...

Happy HNT!

Weekend Update....

Fraud Update!

The Great Day Of Hearts...

It's Not Sunday, But I'm Gonna Preach Anyway...

True Friendship?

Farewell To One Of My Heroes...

Life... As It Was

Catching Up...

I'm A Victim...

Ticked Off And Moving...

When Fantasy and Reality Collide...

A Ray Of Sunshine...

Blogger Sucks-- Yet Again....

Weekend Randomness...

Does It Get Any Better???

Insert Catchy Blog Title Here