Speaking Of Love And Memories...

Today, I went to visit my best friend, Jen (AKA: Monger), and my Godsons, Caleb and Luke. It was wonderful getting to spend time with them. I don't see them as often as I should, and I feel bad about that. I need to do better. As I was on my way home, I began reflecting once again. I was thinking about Phil (surprise, surprise), and how I felt about him. That started a whirlwind of thoughts swirling around in my head.

I've always heard people say, "Just because someone doesn't love you the way you want, doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have." Well, that phrase has pissed me off for years. You know, honestly, who doesn't hate to hear that? Especially, if you're on the end where you're not being loved the way you want to be? Let's be honest. I know I've been ticked off time and time again when I REALLY liked someone, that didn't (or I thought didn't) feel the same way.

As I drove, many people flashed into my mind. Marc, Bobbie, Jeff, Jeremiah, Doug, Greg, Ryan, Brad, Josh, and Phil-- damn, the list could go on for years. All of the people I've mentioned, meant a great deal to me at one point or another in my life. All of which, I either had a relationship with, or wanted to have a relationship with. What all of the names have in common, is the fact that it didn't work out. Some came to me years later, admitting they liked me back then, but things just weren't right. Some admitted that the situation just wasn't right. Others, I have no clue about. I have no clue as to how they really feel or felt.

For years, it would eat at me, wondering what I did wrong? Why didn't these people like me the way I liked them? I mean, I was smart, attractive, and friendly. I had a good personality, and was a good person. I had a lot to offer. So, why couldn't they see that? Well, it took me 28 years to figure out, they knew that already. It wasn't that they couldn't see that. These men aren't/weren't stupid. It's just that for whatever reason, it just wasn't right. There's a reason for that. I can name at least 3 of the men listed above, that I would be absolutely miserable if I had ended up with them. Is it because they're bad people? No. It's because we're complete opposites. We make GREAT friends, but would be horrible lovers, or vice versa.

I can remember each of these men (with the exception of Phil), wondering why things went wrong. I can remember being so upset that someone didn't like me, or that our relationship didn't work out. Looking back, I'm so thankful that it didn't work out. I wouldn't be where I am today. On the same note, if these people hadn't touched my life in one way or another, I wouldn't be the person I am today, either. So, thank you, to all the men who didn't love me, didn't love me the way I wanted you to, or loved me with all you had, but it just wasn't enough for me. Thank you for making me the person I am today. I really like myself, and I wouldn't be who I am, without you!

Temptation, Regret, and Memories...

Maybe it's just because it's Lent and satan is battering away at me full-force (satan bites the big one), but I've once again found myself longing for something that's just no good for me. Phil. Yes, I said, Phil. Why in the world am I missing him? Things are going GREAT between me and Chris. Truly, I am happy. We're getting along, and he's treated me amazing, but nightly, I'm haunted by the visions of Phil in my dreams.

I miss seeing his face early in the morning. I would sit at my desk, and make sure that I looked flawless when he walked in. I spoke to him every morning, and craved the way he would look at me. I know I spent more time turned around in my chair, seeing if he was walking by, than actually doing the work I should've been doing.

I know that losing my job was the best thing that ever happened to me, it just haunts me. I can't explain why I miss Phil so much. Phil was just an average guy. Well, if you ask Michael about him, he'd say "Noooooooooo!" Pretty much anyone who knew that I was attracted to Phil, which was VERY few and far between, just couldn't understand it. They had no idea what in the hell I was thinking. Truly, I don't know either. Phil just ignited something inside of me. He made me feel good, desirable, and alive. I felt young again. I felt good.

I miss not seeing him. I miss the sound of his voice. I miss the way he turned red when he talked to me. I miss it all. I know it's wrong, and I feel like shit for that. I just wish I could wipe away the memories.

I've always heard people say, in the long-run, you tend to forget the bad times, and remember the good. You know, that's true. I barely remember the shame and regret I felt before I left. I barely remember not even being able to look Phil in the eye the week before I left. All of that is a blur to me. I remember everything, but the bad times. Maybe that's because I'm remembering what I want to remember. Hell, maybe everything I'm remembering was all in my head, I don't know?

All I know, is I want this man to stop haunting my dreams and memories. I'm happy with my husband, I've just got to keep Phil out of my head. I've got to keep praying...

The Faces Of Addiction...

Addictions: Alcohol and Heroin


















Addiction: Alcohol













Addictions: Cigarettes














Addiction: Shopping















The first three faces I believe everyone probably knows. Kurt Cobain, Courtney Love, and Anna Nicole Smith. Two out of three of these addicts are dead. Did addiction send them to their graves? Perhaps. We see people who are addicts crucified in the tabloids. We can't wait to see who's on meth this week, or who's drank themselves into a stupor at a random club, but how often to we look around at the addicts that are in our lives every day?

Addiction is a terrible thing, and more than half of Americans suffer from one form of addiction or another. That means, that chances are good, if you're reading this, you either a: are an addict, or b: you know an addict. Some addictions are more harmful than others. For instance, someone who's addicted to washing their hands every 5 minutes, is probably not going to end up in as bad of shape as someone who is having to smoke meth every 5 minutes. Does it mean that their addiction is any less of an affliction to them? Absolutely not.

I am an addict. I'm addicted to shopping. You can laugh if you'd like, honestly, I get that a lot. Unfortunately, it's true. I've bankrupted not one, but two people due to my addiction. I can't stop. I can't have credit cards. If I have them, I will max them out. There's no high in this world like buying something. Having a new purse, new shoes, new makeup-- new anything, there's nothing like it for me. I'm on a high I can't explain when I shop. Afterwards, I feel guilty, knowing I shouldn't have spent the money, and that I didn't need what I bought.

I cleaned out my closet last weekend. My closet is LITERALLY an entire bedroom. I took out 3 huge garbage bags of purses, and 3 huge garbage bags of clothes to donate. Most of which, I've never carried and/or worn. I still have 4 huge racks of clothes left, and more purses than I can count. No human should have that much stuff, but I do. I do, because I wasn't strong enough to stop myself.

It took me a long time to come to the realization that I'm an addict. Many people never realize that their addicts. My husband is an addict. He's addicted to chat rooms. If I didn't keep a program on my computer, spector software, he'd probably be chatting today. Not because he doesn't love me. Not because he's looking for someone else, but because it's a high. There's a high he gets from chatting-- the same high I get from shopping-- the same high an alcoholic gets from that first drop of alcohol hitting their tongue, the same high a drug addict gets when the drug runs through their veins. It's a high. We all chase that high. We want something to take us away from whatever reality it is we're living in. Whatever it is we're trying to escape, we use our addiction to fuel that escape.

Until one day, we realize, we're tired of living this way. We're tired of hurting others, and tired of hurting ourselves. Many fail their first time at trying to beat their addictions. Many are still failing. Many will never seek help. Many will always be recovering, and are just one step away from a fall. I am recovering. I know if given the opportunity, I would fall. I'm not yet strong enough to make responsible decisions with credit, and shopping. I'm getting better, but I've got a long way to go.

I'm not telling you to go out and cry for every person you see who's suffering from an addiction. All I'm asking, is that you keep an open mind to these people, and why they're addicts in the first place. No one wakes up saying, "I want to be an addict," and unfortunately, by the time you realize you're an addict, it's almost too late.

These are the faces of addiction. The faces of the famous, and the faces of the common, every day people. Addiction can happen to anyone, but there is help. There's always hope. Never forget that.


Below, I've listed several websites of useful organizations to help addicts and the loved ones of addicts. There is help, all you have to do is take the first step.

Alcoholics Anonymous

Narcotics Anonymous

Overeaters Anonymous

Shopaholics Anonymous

Sex Addicts Anonymous

Gamblers Anonymous

Internet/Chat Addiction

And You Give Yourself Away...

As promised, I told you I'd come through with some "nugget of joy"-- and thanks to Natalia, I have one. The song on one of her posts the other day was, "With or Without You", by U2. Talk about memories flooding back, they all came back, and slapped me in the face.

The year was 1992. The day, August 6th. Greg was home. Who might Greg be? Greg was the first man I ever loved. We had known each other for years, his family and my family were really close. Hell, I called him "brother" for years, although we were of no relation. His mother, and my grandmother died on the same day in 1990. We'd been through good times together, and bad times together. He was always there for me, and loved me, no matter what. On August 6th of 1992, everything we had known would complete change.

On that faithful day, we went from just being "friends" to being much more. No, we didn't cross the line entirely, but far enough to be able to never go back. I was completely intoxicated by him. He was the focus of my world. I had NEVER had feelings like that for anyone, and at 13 years of age, I really didn't know what to do with them.

For years, off and on, we continued our intimate relationship, all the while in "secret". As, we all know what happens when you're underage and involved with someone over the age of 18. Our "relationship", for lack of a better term, continued for years. When I was 18, he was married, and came home for a visit without his wife. That was a mistake. I felt absolutely no remorse for what I had done. He was MINE, it was her that was in the wrong for taking him away from me years before.

How young and naive I was. I struggled for years because of the decision we made one faithful night. I paid dearly for it, mentally and emotionally. I've never know passion and desire as strong with anyone, like I did with Greg. Maybe it was the situation we were in-- knowing if we were caught, what would happen. Maybe it was that knowing what we were doing was wrong, or "forbidden" that made the passion so strong. Or maybe it was just the fact that I truly loved him with my whole heart-- that he was the one person in this world who really "got me". Greg knew everything about me, and loved me. Hell, he caught me looking at Playboy magazines in his bedroom when I was like 8 years old. I didn't really know what they were, but I knew I shouldn't be looking at them. He didn't rat me out. You know, he knew those kinda things about me.

We haven't really spoken in years. It was too painful for a long time. I felt guilt, and shame. I felt used, and abused. I felt as if I were damaged, and he was the cause. Looking back, we both knew better. I was old enough to know better, but too young to care. That's my damage. Fifteen years later, things are so much more clear.

Everytime I hear, "With or Without You" by U2, or "Father Figure" by George Michael, I think about Greg. I remember every night we spent together. I remember the passion in his kiss, and the anger in his eyes when we would fight. I remember everything. Looking back, it's those things that have shaped me, that have made me who I am today. Had these things never taken place, I wouldn't be where I am today.

If I had it all to do over again, would I change anything? No. Not now. Now that I see a little more clearly, it was worth it all. The passion, the tears, the regret, the anger, the joy-- it was worth every moment.

Happy HNT!

*Drum roll* This is my first time EVER posting an HNT!!! Congratulate me, someone!!! *LOL*

Ok, now that the drama is over, I know, I'm a sorry blogger. You know, when you don't work, there's only so much you can talk about. I mean, anymore, I don't have something to bitch about daily, so I figure, what am I gonna write about? Getting out of bed, cleaning, watching As The World Turns? My readers would plummet to zero *LOL* Then again, ya'll know me. I'll be quiet for a few days, then something will ruffle my feathers, or I'll have some great epiphany of thoughts to share with you-- or "nuggets of joy" as I like to call them.

Since, I have neither, I'll leave you with this FINE picture, to remind you to ALWAYS wear sunscreen.










This is the direct result of NOT wearing sunscreen. You know what the saddest part of all is? Monger and I had the exact SAME thought-- It's the end of September, we're not gonna get burnt. Note to self, and others: you WILL get burnt if there sun out at the end of September.

Take care, all! I'll be back soon enough with some words of wisdom, or bullshit-- either way, it'll be a good time!

Weekend Update....

This week has been absolutely crazy! Instead of having a huge post, going into great details about everything, this is a "weekend randomness" post.

-- On tuesday, my cousin's grandmother passed away, which left us caring for 4 of the great-grandchildren while arrangements were made, and during the funeral. In order to appease the children ranging from ages 11 months to 6 years, we spent a lot of time at McDonald's and Chuck E.Cheese.

-- Speaking of Chuck E. Cheese, is anyone else's local CEC lame? I went to ours in Johnson City, and I must say, it's just not what it used to be. There are no more shows with the characters, and there are booths all around the place with some lame games. I mean, maybe I'm just getting old, but the only games that appealed to me are skee ball, and basketball.

-- Valentine's Day has come and gone. Had a great time. Chris and I went to Chili's for lunch. Yep, it's definite. We're getting old. We went out for a "late lunch" to avoid the evening dinner rush. I didn't care. I got one of those molten lava chocolate cakes, and was in heaven. Chris didn't get a bite. ;0)

-- Still waiting for more news on my fraud case. The last I've heard, was that "allegedly", the person who stole my identity was a man in Africa, that the woman in Texas had been having a relationship with via the internet. This woman is a past criminal, and has had run-in's with the law before, so we'll have to see what really happened. I'll keep you updated on the situation.

-- We got snow!!! Yay!!! For the first time, in a LONG time, Elizabethton saw snow!

-- Because of said snow, our pancake breakfast scheduled for this morning before church was cancelled. It's probably for the best, though. We were supposed to take the kids snow tubing next weekend, but it's supposed to be 60 degrees, and raining. So, I guess next weekend will be great for the breakfast.

-- I was getting a little excited, because I *though* I might be pregnant. Alas, nature gave me a negative test yesterday during an outing with my friends. All in God's time.


As of now, that's everything! I've got pictures for everyone to enjoy! I hope ya'll have had a great weekend, as well!

Fraud Update!

The case is going well-- and I believe an arrest is soon to be made. Here is the person to whom the fradulant orders were being sent:

Lisa Bryan

I've deleted her personal information, due to a new development in the case. According to Ms. Bryan, she has been involved with a man from Africa, who sent her the flowers. Apparently, HE is the one who has used my card fradulantly. Now, the reason, I've left this woman's name up, is because she has had some run in's with the law in the past, and it has NOT been proven yet, that this person in Africa IS indeed the person who used my card for the fradulant purchases.

All in all, just BE CAREFUL. I'll keep you updated as the case unfolds!

Just thought I'd share this "nugget" of joy with you!

The Great Day Of Hearts...

Once again, Valentine's Day has come around-- to some with delight, and others with anguish. You know, when I was single, I HATED Valentine's Day with a passion. I was so envious of all the women with husbands and boyfriends to buy them cards and roses-- take them out to eat, you know, all of the "Valentine's Day Stuff" that society has hyped us up to believe we need to have. When I would be out with my friends on Valentine's Day, I would see all of these couples who looked so happy to be together. I kept thinking, "I'd give ANYTHING to have that."

Little did I realize, that looks are most definitely deceiving. On Valentine's Day, "love" is in the air. It's the one day of the year we're "supposed" to celebrate love, and passion. I remember my first Valentine's Day with Chris. He sent me a dozen roses and bought me a pink stuffed cow (which I DID want by the way). I think we went out to eat, but I'm not really sure. Our second Valentine's Day together, we went to Gatlinburg, and stayed at my favorite hotel. He bought me a beautiful diamond and ruby heart ring. As time went on, the gifts didn't really matter anymore. The luster of the "Valentine's Hype" was gone.

About a year ago, when Chris and I were out eating on Valentine's Day, I saw a girl, whom I'm pretty sure was single, looking at us with complete envy. She was sitting in the same shoes I sat in many years before. I wanted to go and tell her, things aren't all they're cracked up to be. Yeah, we look all nice and happy on the outside, and so in love-- but it's not always that way. We've been through a lot-- his addiction with chatrooms, my addiction to shopping-- my illness, his anti-social personality. We both have demons, and they've reared their ugly heads on more than one occasion.

Being in a relationship is probably the hardest thing you'll ever do. Granted, it's worth everything I've been through, to have Chris, and be where we are today, it's just been a long, bumpy road to get there. It's not always roses and chocolates. That's just one day.

So, if you find yourself alone today, it's REALLY not as bad as you might think. Enjoy the day with those you love- your friends, family, co-workers, or animals. It's all about showing the love, not just to a boyfriend/girlfriend/husband/wife. Besides, we should be celebrating love EVERYDAY :0)


PS: See Below Post For Rant (It hasn't been up long, so I know most of you probably haven't seen it yet)

It's Not Sunday, But I'm Gonna Preach Anyway...

While visiting my friend, Deb's blog, not too long ago, I couldn't help but notice she had a "fundamentalist troll" spamming her comments with hellbound comments. Ok, most of you have been visiting my blog for awhile now (any newcomers are ALWAYS welcome), and KNOW me well enough to know, I'm a devout Christian, but I won't preach to anyone. Do I wish everyone was a Christian, absolutely. Do I accept that everyone isn't, nor will they be? Absolutely. Christianity isn't right for everyone, and who I am to say who's going to get into Heaven?

I mean, as a Christian, we ALL have the same basic beliefs. We believe God is our Creator. He sent his only begotten Son, Jesus, to live and die as one of us, and be our Savior. As Christians, we believe and accept that Jesus was crucified, and died for our sins, so that we might have a home in His eternal Kingdom. Ok. Simple enough, no? I think it is, but I'll be damned if some people don't make it far more difficult than it is.

The Bible. An absolutely WONDERFUL book and guide. A book that has been translated down through so many languages, that we don't know the EXACT words. Do I believe the Bible? Absolutely. Do I believe EVERY WORD IS TO BE TAKEN LITERALLY? No. I know many times Jesus and His Disciples spoke in parables, and used metaphors-- you get the point. By no means do I claim to be a scholar on the Bible. I've read it from cover to cover, and am still lost when it comes to interpretation. Does that matter to me? Nope. Now, many Christians would gasp as a "fellow Christian" making a statement such as this. What matters to me, is the basis of my faith.

Keep it simple. You know, God gave us ten GREAT rules to follow. Ten VERY simple things to do. Why do we make them complicated, and condemn any and everyone for what they do, while we claim we're so high and mighty, as if WE have the right to throw stones at others for their sins?

You know what, I'm a terrible sinner. I lust daily. I'm greed, selfish, and self-centered. I've talked about others, and lied more times than I can count. I have to admit, I get pissed off at a lot of others who share my faith (Christianity), because I can't understand where they're coming from. I'm FAR from perfect. I'll be the VERY first to admit that. But you know what, you'll NEVER see me going to someone else's blog, looking them in the eye in person, ect- telling them they're going to hell for their sins. You know what, that's bullshit. Who am I to ULTIMATELY stand in judgement of another? You know, yeah, I do judge people, unjustly at times, but I typically keep it to myself. Does that make it anymore right? No. Does it tend to make others turn against my chosen religion? Uh- no.

Now, there are those who are going to fire back at me, saying, "I'm just spreading the word." That's great, if that's your belief, rock on with it, but don't force it on someone else. I don't go up to people at random asking them about their faith, views, lifestyles, ect. It's none of my business. If someone is living a sinful life, I pray for them, and talk to them about the sins. I don't throw them up in their face, and threaten them with hell. You know where that gets them, and you, no where? It's all in the approach. And you know, there are times, I don't get through. Not everyone shares my faith, and I FULLY accept that. Do I continue to harass them like I'm a telemarketer getting ready to lose my job? Nope. I pray for them and move on. I know that God has someone else that he needs me to minister to-- He'll take care of them.

The point of this entire rant is this: I'm so SICK of people telling other people how to be a Christian, and what you "can and can't do" if you are a Christian. You know what, when it all comes down to it, it's all about the relationship you and Jesus have. It doesn't matter what others on this earth think about you, how much money you have, or you don't have, how many people you've fed, or what sins you did or didn't commit. It's about Yours and Jesus' PERSONAL relationship.

As Christians, one of "The Big Ten", as I like to call them, tells us to "Love Thy Neighbor", you know, I think that's the hardest for everyone. You know, Jesus loves us ALL. NO one is exempt here. Jesus loves the righteous, the drug addicts, the whores, the saints, and homosexuals. Yep, I said homosexuals. He loves ALL people. It's just so sad we can't all unite into one Holy Catholic Church (which for those of you who aren't familiar with the liturgy, that just means one church under God, not actually the Catholic denomination). We can't, because we're so busy judging and trying to convert the converted.

Does anyone know what the number one fastest growing religion is? The Jehovah's Witnesses. Does anyone know why? Because they don't waste their time bickering among one another about who's right, or what's right. They've got the basis of their faith, and they're ready to spread the word. Do I believe the same way as the JW's? No. Do I have respect for them? Absolutely. I respect EVERYONE'S right to worship as they choose.

Ok, I've given a nice long rant, and I'm ready to call it quits for the day. I'm leaving you with this thought-- for those who are so convinced that the ONLY people who get into Heaven are those who believe the same way they do, I've got news for you-- You're going to be so disappointed when you get there and find all sorts of people there-- Catholics, Jews, Gays, Addicts, Criminals, you name it-- I'll bet they're there, and having a good laugh at those who said they'd never make it there.

God Bless--

PS: For those of you who aren't familiar with the creed of my faith (I'm an Episcopalian, you know, "Catholic Light" that's our joke anyway)

The Nicene Creed

We believe in one God, the Father, the Almighty, maker of heaven and earth, of all that is, seen and unseen. We believe in one Lord, Jesus Christ, the only Son of God, eternally begotten of the Father, God from God, Light from Light, true God from true God, begotten, not made, of one Being with the Father; through him all things were made. For us and for our salvation he came down from heaven, was incarnate of the Holy Spirit and the Virgin Mary For our sake he was crucified under Pontius Pilate; he suffered death and was buried. On the third day he rose again in accordance with the Scriptures; he ascended into heaven and is seated at the right hand of the Father. He will come again in glory to judge the living and the dead, and his kingdom will have no end. We believe in the Holy Spirit, the Lord, the giver of life, who proceeds from the Father and the Son, who with the Father and the Son is worshiped and glorified, who has spoken through the prophets. We believe in one holy catholic and apostolic Church. We acknowledge one baptism for the forgiveness of sins. We look for the resurrection of the dead, and the life of the world to come. Amen

True Friendship?

For the past couple of days, a former friend of mine, Heather, has been on my mind. Heather was my best friend from 1st grade. We had the best time together. I could be silly and crazy around Heather, and she would be equally as nuts. From the 4th grade on, we had planned our weddings. We didn't know who we were going to marry, but we knew what we wanted when we did meet that special someone. We ordered those free bridal invitation magazines that the bridal magazines were flooded with. We got book after book, sample after sample, and just KNEW what it was we wanted. We we got married, I was going to be her maid of honor, and she was going to be mine.

Through the years we fought off and on, but always ended up being friends in the end. In August of 2002, she was married. She told me she was having a very small wedding with no attendants. Although hurt, I respected her decision. She said she wasn't sending out any invitations, just to come. Ok. This was NOTHING like she had planned, but I know things change, and people change. I went to Heather's wedding. Her mother was the matron of honor. That hurt, but once again, I respected her decision. I was grateful just to be there.

On December of 2002, I was married. I started planning VERY early. I notified Heather I wanted her to be my maid of honor (since Monger was going to be the matron of honor). I wanted my two best friends standing beside of me. I told Heather how much it would cost to have her dress made. For weeks she put me off, until she finally said she didn't have the money to have the dress made-- and then, had the audicity to infer that I was trying to make money off of the deal. I was OUTRAGED. I told her she could come look at the reciepts and see exactly how much the material costs to make each dress. Desperate, I even offered to pay for her dress.

She wasn't in my wedding. My heart was absolutely broken. One of my best friends, who had been there since age 6, wasn't there for me. I didn't send her an invitation, and she didn't show up. I didn't want here there anymore. It hurt. Badly. But, it showed me just who she was. Heather wasn't my friend. She never was. Heather is a lost soul. She's a victim of her mother's ideal. He mother sacrificed her marriage to make Heather the center of her world. Dressing her the way she wanted her to, and passively agressively manipulating her to be the person she wanted to be. Heather grew up to be a shallow woman, to whom friendship means nothing. It means so little, that the man she's married to, was the boyfriend of another of her best friends, Brandy.

I think about Heather from time to time. It still hurts to know that she's the kind of person she is, but she made her choices, and I made mine. She told my aunt the last time she saw her, that she hated that we "fell out of touch." We didn't fall out of touch. I've made a concious choice not to call her. I have nothing to say.

I'm just thankful for the TRUE, REAL friends I do have. I'm thankful for Monger, Justin, Jake, Michael, Missy, and all of those whom I can truly count on. I'm thankful for those who have held my hand, and not in vain. Those who will stand up for me, and support me, even when I'm wrong. I love you guys, and I thank you for never letting me down. I thank you for not being a "Heather".

Farewell To One Of My Heroes...

How tragic was this? I know a lot of people didn't like Anna Nicole, and yes, she did many things that were questionable, but I absolutely loved this woman. She was my hero for many years. She was one of the most beautiful women, at her heaviest, and her thinnest. I know she did a lot of things wrong, but you know, who hasn't? She made me laugh, and feel good about my body image, regardless of what size I was.

She's been compared to Marilyn Monroe for years, and it seems, she's tragically ended up the same way-- dead way too soon. She lost her only son six months ago, and now she's left behind a six month old daughter. My heart is just broken for those she left behind. May she rest in peace.

Life... As It Was

I got out of the house, for the first *real* time this week. I went to Bristol, to visit my old friends at Belk. Typically, when I go to Bristol, I'm always in a hurry. I just want to get my makeup, get my nails done, and get home. I enjoy visiting with my friends, but for some reason, I'm always in a hurry. Not today. Today, I took my time. I knew exactly what I wanted to do. I wanted to enjoy the things I had once taken for granted.

I went into Belk, and saw Holly. She informed me that "Little Bit's" step-father had passed away yesterday. I was really sorry to hear that. I believe he was only in his 50's. Holly said she had seen him on friday, and he seemed to be just fine. It just proves how short our lives are, and that our time could be up any given day.

After visiting and catching up for a minute, I went down to the nail salon. As usual, they were really busy, and asked me to come back in 30 minutes. I have very little money, so actual shopping was out of the question. What to do? I knew I wanted to go to Villa Pizza for a garlic roll. I used to LOVE those things. When I worked at Proffits', we'd get 5 or 6 of them, and sneak into the Clinique bay to eat them. Of course, we weren't supposed to be eating on the sales floor, but do you think that stopped us? Of course not!

So, I walked into Villa Pizza to get my long awaited garlic rolls. They're just basically a calzone without anything inside, sprinkled with garlic salt and Parmesan cheese. Don't ask me why, but I LOVE those things. I could eat a dozen of them myself. I had planned on enjoying at least two, but they only had one very small one. So, the small one had to do.

As I sat in the food court eating my one tiny garlic roll, nostalgia reared it's ugly head. Maybe it was the time of day, the familiar taste of comfort food, or seeing dusk through the skylight, but my heart was really heavy. I wanted nothing more than to be getting up from that table, and walking into Proffitts' to work once again. As crazy as it sounds, I felt like I was back in time, to 2004. I felt the same way I did when I was only working in accessories with Mary. It took me a few minutes to snap back to reality. The reality that I no longer work at Proffitts'-- that Proffitts' no longer exists. The reality that my counter is gone, and the store looks nothing like it once did. The reality that Verna is dead, and my friends and I have drifted apart.

Everything changes. We go through things we thing are so terrible, have jobs we think we hate, and then realize years later, we had it so good. Walking through that little mall in Bristol, I realized how good I had it, and how I'd give just about anything to have it back. I can't have it back. I can't go back, but I can re-live it anytime. All I have to do is close my eyes. I can still see Verna at her register, and my Elizabeth Arden bay-- That poor bay was literally about 30 years old. I thought it was so ghetto and ratty, but you know, I made it look pretty good. I can still see it the way it was. I can still see everything the way it was.

Spending some time by myself today was really good for me. Although, I was sad when I left the mall, I was happy to be able to have those memories. I was happy that I had the opportunities that I've had. I'm happy to say I was touched by not only friends, but a job that meant something to me.

Catching Up...

*Just a note, I'm truly HONORED to say I've been nominated for a "Blog Award" Please, go HERE and cast your vote for Life... As I Know It. It's listed under "Best Writing". For those of you who enjoy my writing, hook a Monger up with a vote!*


Whew! After a week like last week, it was nice to just be able to chill out
and get some rest! In the past couple of weeks, my sleep has been a complete
wreck. I've been sleeping crazy hours, and staying up all night long. I went to sleep somewhere around 7am this morning, and woke up at noon. Here's to hoping I get a decent night's sleep tonight, at a decent hour. Anyway, I have an update on my identity theft case.

Once again, I'd like to sing the praises of www.gap.com for their cooperation and compassion in dealing with my situation. As of saturday morning, the entire $334.94 had been returned to my checking account-- while I'm STILL waiting for www.hallmark.com to discharge the pending $70.94 to my account. I'm still extremely pissed off at www.hallmark.com !!!



On a happy note, yesterday, my dear mother:













(The one in the white shirt) Celebrated her 53rd birthday yesterday. The first sunday of every month, we always have a "pot luck" dinner after church, so we celebrated there with our church family. Julie, a dear friend of ours from church, made a huge chocolate cake, which was wonderful!

The weather in E-town is so cold, I haven't even left the house today! My aunt,
who is a teacher in the city schools, is on a two hour delay tomorrow due to the weather. Note: we have NO snow, it's just that cold, and down here in the South,
we don't take kindly to cold weather.

And... Just because I feel like sharing, here are some pictures of my "kids" to share with you!

I'm A Victim...

Yep, after getting so worked up over having to switch to SUCKY beta, I didn't even get to put up the post I wanted to. I have been a victim of identity theft. I woke up yesterday morning, and had my bowl of frosted mini wheats, just like any other day. I checked our bank account, online, to see if my husband's truck payment had cleared, and bam, I see two charges that neither of us made. I called Suntrust immediately. Someone had charged $334.46 on gap.com, and $70.94 on hallmark.com.

First, I want to SING THE PRAISES of http://www.gap.com/ Not only were they VERY fast at finding the fraudulent order, but they also GAVE me the NAME, ADDRESS, and PHONE NUMBER of the person to whom the order was being shipped.

Now, on the other hand I'm BOYCOTTING http://www.hallmark.com/ Let me tell you about them. I was on hold for about a good 30 minutes for them to tell me that an order had been placed using MY NAME and MY CARD, but they COULDN'T TELL ME ANYTHING BUT THE NAME OF THE PERSON TO WHOM IT'S BEING SENT-- DUE TO "PRIVACY ISSUES". What about MY privacy? I mean, I was VICTIM, but MY PRIVACY means NOTHING TO http://www.hallmark.com/

I encourage you, and others, NEVER to shop with them again. They could care less about the customer, as long as they get their dime. I've never been so frustrated in my life!

Ok, on with the story. The person in question (as soon as I find out that they are truly guilty, I'll be posting their full name, address, and phone number on here for all the world to see), is in South Lake, Texas. So, I call the Spring Lake PD to file a report. They inform me that I have to file a report with my local PD. So, I call the Elizabethton PD. They come to my house and take a complaint.

I wake up this morning, to hear a call from the detective's unit, telling me there's nothing they can do, because it's out of their jurisdiction. So, I once call South Lake PD, and the woman tells me the same thing. I lose it. I tell her I'm not angry at her, but I'm sick of getting the run around. I've talked to two different police departments, two separate times, and nothing is getting done. Finally, I'm able to talk to an officer in South Lake, who takes a report from me, and tells me he'll be in touch with a detective from my local PD.

It's not the money that I'm worried about, Suntrust has taken care of that, it's the fact that there's a thief out there, who's charged over $400.00 to my debit card, and God only knows how many others-- and as of now, they're getting away with it because no one can figure out who's friggin' jurisdiction it belongs in? How messed up is that?

I'll be keeping everyone updated with details as soon as I get them. But for now, consider this a big warning to all-- watch your credit cards and bank cards like a hawk!

Ticked Off And Moving...

Yep, Blogger has done it now. I'm pissed. It FORCED me to move to beta, or I couldn't log in. I hate it, and am in the process of setting up a new blog at WordPress.com. I'll be posting it here as soon as it's finished! YOU SUCK BLOGGER!!! Do you realize, if you haven't switched over to beta, I can't friggin' see who has posted on my blog! Is that not a load of barncles or what!!! I mean, all of my posts, before I was FORCED to switch to beta, I can't see those who commented if they don't have beta-- this sucks!!!

Update: I really don't like WordPress, after spending well over an hour trying to get things set up, so until I find a new home, I'm guess I'm stuck here with shitty beta blogger *sighs* I HATE BLOGGER!!! UGH!!!

Ok, my mini rant is over, for the minute